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I need to learn to be more assertive
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<blockquote data-quote="mstang67chic" data-source="post: 86011" data-attributes="member: 2459"><p><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: nvts</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: KFld</div><div class="ubbcode-body"></p><p></p><p>I have to learn to do this because all this does is give him false hope. I have to be honest with my feelings. </div></div></p><p></p><p> :rofl:</p><p></p><p>Kiddo, you're still doing it. You're not supposed to be thinking about giving HIM false hope right now. You're supposed to be putting "Karen" first. Do yourself a favor. Do something for you that is impulsive. I'm not sure what it should be, maybe take yourself to a fancy restaurant, call your BFF Jill and get a massage & pedicure, buy that painting that you want to hang in your townhouse, walk out of work declaring that you are taking "sanity" time and go eat things that are bad for you, you get the picture. But: it has to be purely for YOUR enjoyment. Put yourself first. </p><p></p><p>in my humble opinion, you're not ready to answer the question. Until you have practice putting yourself first, you should answer his question clearly, concisely and without anxiety. </p><p></p><p>"I'm not ready to answer that question". If he argues, repeat yourself. "I'm not ready to answer that question". Then he'll most likely say something that will be incitefully stupid like "well, I'm not going to wait around forever". And you advise him that that's up to him. </p><p></p><p>Make it clear that you're not ready to answer that question. Don't let him draw you in. </p><p></p><p>Keep digging deep to find out your motivation for not wanting to upset the apple cart. And DO NOT let him take you away from that persuit. </p><p></p><p>You're a great, intelligent individual. Don't live your life for everyone else because they wouldn't do the same for you. </p><p></p><p>I hope I didn't offend! </p><p></p><p>Happy weekend!</p><p>Beth</p><p></p><p> </div></div></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yep, yep, yep. The fact that you said you were worried about giving him false hope was what jumped right out at me too. NVTS is right.......this is KAREN time right now. You have to think about what's right for YOU and not worry about him right now. HE'S the one who started this whole thing and if he can't see or accept that, then that's his problem. Yes, there is quite the history between the two of you and yes, I'm sure there are still feelings on your part but the whole point of this separation is to give you time to decide what you want. Don't let anyone push you to make a decision before you are ready or push you to do what you don't want.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mstang67chic, post: 86011, member: 2459"] <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: nvts</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: KFld</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> I have to learn to do this because all this does is give him false hope. I have to be honest with my feelings. </div></div> [img]:rofl:[/img] Kiddo, you're still doing it. You're not supposed to be thinking about giving HIM false hope right now. You're supposed to be putting "Karen" first. Do yourself a favor. Do something for you that is impulsive. I'm not sure what it should be, maybe take yourself to a fancy restaurant, call your BFF Jill and get a massage & pedicure, buy that painting that you want to hang in your townhouse, walk out of work declaring that you are taking "sanity" time and go eat things that are bad for you, you get the picture. But: it has to be purely for YOUR enjoyment. Put yourself first. in my humble opinion, you're not ready to answer the question. Until you have practice putting yourself first, you should answer his question clearly, concisely and without anxiety. "I'm not ready to answer that question". If he argues, repeat yourself. "I'm not ready to answer that question". Then he'll most likely say something that will be incitefully stupid like "well, I'm not going to wait around forever". And you advise him that that's up to him. Make it clear that you're not ready to answer that question. Don't let him draw you in. Keep digging deep to find out your motivation for not wanting to upset the apple cart. And DO NOT let him take you away from that persuit. You're a great, intelligent individual. Don't live your life for everyone else because they wouldn't do the same for you. I hope I didn't offend! Happy weekend! Beth </div></div> Yep, yep, yep. The fact that you said you were worried about giving him false hope was what jumped right out at me too. NVTS is right.......this is KAREN time right now. You have to think about what's right for YOU and not worry about him right now. HE'S the one who started this whole thing and if he can't see or accept that, then that's his problem. Yes, there is quite the history between the two of you and yes, I'm sure there are still feelings on your part but the whole point of this separation is to give you time to decide what you want. Don't let anyone push you to make a decision before you are ready or push you to do what you don't want. [/QUOTE]
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