Karen, as difficult as it may be to do so, I think you should tell your friends to remain silent about all the stupid things he says from here on in. You don't need the added stress and, like you said, it brings the entire level of your marriage down a notch to be all gossipy about it.
You know how to take care of yourself and what to do for your future - hang on to that. And let H do whatever it is he's going to do, because even if you wanted to give him another chance, he'd do it anyway. It's his nature to look out only for himself, you know this.
I would politely ask my friend to stop relaying thier conversations to you if they only contain things that may hurt you or damage you in some way (and asking about a neighbor's availability is one of those things).
Gentle hugs - keep on keepin' on - Peace.
