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I need to stop raising my voice
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 540589"><p>I come from a family of yellers. I HATED it. I don't think a day went by when no one yelled. And it wasn't always in anger. My parents (& older brothers) are native New Yorkers and Italian-enough said. I was a toddler when we moved to the Midwest which may explain my discomfort with their propensity for yelling! (when my now BFF moved here from NY she had many talks with- her LOUD H about how "ppl don't yell here") When I was pg with difficult child, I took a stand and did not allow anyone to yell in my presence. And I learned how to say "you may not yell at me."</p><p></p><p>Ok-I digress. When my boys were little & I was overwhelmed, I found myself yelling A LOT. It was almost as though I thought that they were misbehaving because they simply couldn't hear me saying "please stop" and I fell into the patterns of how I was raised. Plus punishing them (removing them, redirecting them etc) took too much time that I didn't have. Lets face it-young kids are naughty often on some days! Add a lot of multitasking, too many attempts to ignore it, plus some PMS and holy eruption! And yelling had actually worked when it was unusual! </p><p></p><p>What worked for me was a honest sit down with my kids plus an earnest desire to stop yelling. During a calm moment, I was honest that I hated yelling at them. That it was wrong of me and made us all feel bad and I wanted to stop. And I asked them for ideas. And we brainstormed-they were likely 7 & 5, and they offered a lot of ways that THEY could improve their own behavior without any prompting. And I don't remember the details-but they felt vested in wanting to help me stop yelling & they learned that mommys make mistakes too & are human. It was a win win. And it broke the cycle of them not knowing I was serious about a misbehavior until I was a screaming banshee. We had fallen into a bad pattern & changing all of our responses even slightly changed the outcome.</p><p></p><p>Hth-and hope it makes sense! I rambled!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 540589"] I come from a family of yellers. I HATED it. I don't think a day went by when no one yelled. And it wasn't always in anger. My parents (& older brothers) are native New Yorkers and Italian-enough said. I was a toddler when we moved to the Midwest which may explain my discomfort with their propensity for yelling! (when my now BFF moved here from NY she had many talks with- her LOUD H about how "ppl don't yell here") When I was pg with difficult child, I took a stand and did not allow anyone to yell in my presence. And I learned how to say "you may not yell at me." Ok-I digress. When my boys were little & I was overwhelmed, I found myself yelling A LOT. It was almost as though I thought that they were misbehaving because they simply couldn't hear me saying "please stop" and I fell into the patterns of how I was raised. Plus punishing them (removing them, redirecting them etc) took too much time that I didn't have. Lets face it-young kids are naughty often on some days! Add a lot of multitasking, too many attempts to ignore it, plus some PMS and holy eruption! And yelling had actually worked when it was unusual! What worked for me was a honest sit down with my kids plus an earnest desire to stop yelling. During a calm moment, I was honest that I hated yelling at them. That it was wrong of me and made us all feel bad and I wanted to stop. And I asked them for ideas. And we brainstormed-they were likely 7 & 5, and they offered a lot of ways that THEY could improve their own behavior without any prompting. And I don't remember the details-but they felt vested in wanting to help me stop yelling & they learned that mommys make mistakes too & are human. It was a win win. And it broke the cycle of them not knowing I was serious about a misbehavior until I was a screaming banshee. We had fallen into a bad pattern & changing all of our responses even slightly changed the outcome. Hth-and hope it makes sense! I rambled! [/QUOTE]
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