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<blockquote data-quote="Farmwife" data-source="post: 349503" data-attributes="member: 8617"><p>First, I want to offer whatever support I can in saying that I have been in that stage with my difficult child. There were the times of fear, anxiety and violence looming over us. Before I give you more advice, do know that sometimes these things do ease up and mellow out. It just depends on the kid, disorder, treatment etc. I gave up, believed difficult child was a lost cause and wanted to hand him over. They refused and I am glad it worked out like that. He is stable now.</p><p> </p><p>As for the outburst. I was hospitalized a couple times. (over 10 years ago, I am quite sane now) Great times those were, lol. I stabilized perfectly in the psychiatric hospital. Within a very short period of time of getting out, maybe even hours it all fell apart. The sense of security of the psychiatric hospital was gone, my routine changed and it was all just so very overwhelming. It is a huge transition. Couple that with a difficulty recognizing or communicating these feelings and well... If your difficult child was doing okay in the psychiatric hospital I would imagine it is either a rough landing or something about your relationship dynamic. Not saying your parenting skills at all, just that maybe you guys need help with communication. I dreaded the idea but it helped us.</p><p> </p><p>As for state custody. If you can hold out, try. I know the desperate feelings, I really do. The thing is though that foster care is not a good system. My husband's Dad was approved to be a foster parent. He and his 3rd wife are raging alcoholics, only been married a couple years. The man has dui's. no license, is on ssi for "back issues" that are imaginary and his own kids haven't spoken to him in a decade. Though I hope they screen better usually you just never can tell. I got help voluntarily from dcfs her in Illinois and they were only marginally qualified at best.</p><p> </p><p>Supposedly you can call 2-1-1 from any phone. The United Way is a clearing house of agencies and info.</p><p> </p><p>1-800-448-3000 is the 24/7 hotline to boystown. They do services for girls too. I called at an ungodly time and they were a resource for agencies in my area, sort of. I am rural and services are impossible. They did give me lots of numbers to call though. They also have a website that has info. about intake, again, they take girls. As a last case resort they do offer live in family style placement for troubled kids and it is FREE if the family can't afford it. They also offer intensive in home services for families whose kids don't joing the live in program. </p><p> </p><p>Call churches in your area. A church in my area that I am not even affiliated with offers services. In fact we had a counselor come by our house earlier. If a particular church doesn't know they may be able to offer ideas.</p><p> </p><p>DCFS does offer supports to families without you actually having to surrender rights. DCFS offered us free weekly counseling and a list of other things had we wanted it, even spraying for pests in our basement?!?!?! I didn't like our worker but you may fare better.</p><p> </p><p>Mostly I would just hope you think clearly if you can find a calm moment. Sometimes choices made in the heat of the moment can come to be regrets later. Giving up your rights to the state is such a huge step, it really is. You have zero control then and that for me Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) a parent is mortifying.</p><p> </p><p>The most important words of the day for you to ask for are RESPITE CARE. Maybe a few days break will help you get things in order, unless she needs a readmittion. Violence/danger towards others is a clear reason for psychiatric hospital intake. Maybe if you know she is safe you could plan a little slower without feeling forced into any one thing, give people time to get back to you and all...people seem to move slower when we are at our wits end.</p><p> </p><p>My thoughts and prayers are with you. I wish I could be there to write down and dial all the numbers you will be gathering. I know how hard it can be.</p><p> </p><p>You anywhere near St. Louis? If so I would be glad to keep the girls a day so you can soak in the tub. My difficult child loves mini golf and the boy girl dynamic seems to keep kids well behaved lest they feel too emberassed for acting out and foolish.</p><p> </p><p>pm me if you want my number to talk.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Farmwife, post: 349503, member: 8617"] First, I want to offer whatever support I can in saying that I have been in that stage with my difficult child. There were the times of fear, anxiety and violence looming over us. Before I give you more advice, do know that sometimes these things do ease up and mellow out. It just depends on the kid, disorder, treatment etc. I gave up, believed difficult child was a lost cause and wanted to hand him over. They refused and I am glad it worked out like that. He is stable now. As for the outburst. I was hospitalized a couple times. (over 10 years ago, I am quite sane now) Great times those were, lol. I stabilized perfectly in the psychiatric hospital. Within a very short period of time of getting out, maybe even hours it all fell apart. The sense of security of the psychiatric hospital was gone, my routine changed and it was all just so very overwhelming. It is a huge transition. Couple that with a difficulty recognizing or communicating these feelings and well... If your difficult child was doing okay in the psychiatric hospital I would imagine it is either a rough landing or something about your relationship dynamic. Not saying your parenting skills at all, just that maybe you guys need help with communication. I dreaded the idea but it helped us. As for state custody. If you can hold out, try. I know the desperate feelings, I really do. The thing is though that foster care is not a good system. My husband's Dad was approved to be a foster parent. He and his 3rd wife are raging alcoholics, only been married a couple years. The man has dui's. no license, is on ssi for "back issues" that are imaginary and his own kids haven't spoken to him in a decade. Though I hope they screen better usually you just never can tell. I got help voluntarily from dcfs her in Illinois and they were only marginally qualified at best. Supposedly you can call 2-1-1 from any phone. The United Way is a clearing house of agencies and info. 1-800-448-3000 is the 24/7 hotline to boystown. They do services for girls too. I called at an ungodly time and they were a resource for agencies in my area, sort of. I am rural and services are impossible. They did give me lots of numbers to call though. They also have a website that has info. about intake, again, they take girls. As a last case resort they do offer live in family style placement for troubled kids and it is FREE if the family can't afford it. They also offer intensive in home services for families whose kids don't joing the live in program. Call churches in your area. A church in my area that I am not even affiliated with offers services. In fact we had a counselor come by our house earlier. If a particular church doesn't know they may be able to offer ideas. DCFS does offer supports to families without you actually having to surrender rights. DCFS offered us free weekly counseling and a list of other things had we wanted it, even spraying for pests in our basement?!?!?! I didn't like our worker but you may fare better. Mostly I would just hope you think clearly if you can find a calm moment. Sometimes choices made in the heat of the moment can come to be regrets later. Giving up your rights to the state is such a huge step, it really is. You have zero control then and that for me Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) a parent is mortifying. The most important words of the day for you to ask for are RESPITE CARE. Maybe a few days break will help you get things in order, unless she needs a readmittion. Violence/danger towards others is a clear reason for psychiatric hospital intake. Maybe if you know she is safe you could plan a little slower without feeling forced into any one thing, give people time to get back to you and all...people seem to move slower when we are at our wits end. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I wish I could be there to write down and dial all the numbers you will be gathering. I know how hard it can be. You anywhere near St. Louis? If so I would be glad to keep the girls a day so you can soak in the tub. My difficult child loves mini golf and the boy girl dynamic seems to keep kids well behaved lest they feel too emberassed for acting out and foolish. pm me if you want my number to talk. [/QUOTE]
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