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I poked the bear...
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 690582" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>KSM, I am adding my voice in praise of how well, calmly and generously you and husband handled the bear, I mean, dear daughter.</p><p></p><p>I want to say something hopeful. So many of our kids grow up having to face recollections of trauma, recognition of their abandonment by parents, and the need to integrate this awareness into adult identities. </p><p></p><p>It makes it even harder that your dear daughters/my son/and others have had parents/grandparents who fiercely love them--and because they are now biologically adults, if not quite legal ones, must turn away--often violently so, from the nurture and safety represented by people like you.</p><p></p><p>For many years my son rejected me completely. It was as if the deepest love curdled to hatred. It was almost a decade of this. And now, at 27, he is back. He has many, perhaps most of the same problems, but I can see and feel his love for me, as he can feel mine for him.</p><p></p><p>I guess I am trying to say that the grace with which you are doing this--allowing her to roar and hibernate and to bat at you, within reason--will pay off by making it easier for her to come around, in time.</p><p></p><p>I was quite wounded by it all. Looking back, I am wondering why. </p><p></p><p>I have grown so much here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 690582, member: 18958"] KSM, I am adding my voice in praise of how well, calmly and generously you and husband handled the bear, I mean, dear daughter. I want to say something hopeful. So many of our kids grow up having to face recollections of trauma, recognition of their abandonment by parents, and the need to integrate this awareness into adult identities. It makes it even harder that your dear daughters/my son/and others have had parents/grandparents who fiercely love them--and because they are now biologically adults, if not quite legal ones, must turn away--often violently so, from the nurture and safety represented by people like you. For many years my son rejected me completely. It was as if the deepest love curdled to hatred. It was almost a decade of this. And now, at 27, he is back. He has many, perhaps most of the same problems, but I can see and feel his love for me, as he can feel mine for him. I guess I am trying to say that the grace with which you are doing this--allowing her to roar and hibernate and to bat at you, within reason--will pay off by making it easier for her to come around, in time. I was quite wounded by it all. Looking back, I am wondering why. I have grown so much here. [/QUOTE]
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