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Parent Emeritus
I raised him right, right? Self blame and the pursuit of happiness.
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 650448" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I wonder whether you have been here with us long enough to have read the information about genetics and kids being "differently wired." It eases the pain of it, if we can recognize our child in the descriptions other parents post about how their "differently wired" kids see both us and themselves.</p><p></p><p>We begin to really get it that it was not something in our parenting that is causing the child to act out. It is something in the way the child's brain is wired.</p><p></p><p>Is there someone in your family of origin who behaved the way your son is behaving? </p><p></p><p>I like the strength I hear in how you responded to him. Good for you. Dealing with a difficult child child is not for sissies. It's hard for me to respond with strength and clarity, or to keep myself focused on surviving the rottenness of what is happening. I think that makes it harder for me, because I take it out on myself and get depressed or anxious or numb.</p><p></p><p>Then, I have to dig myself out.</p><p></p><p>Yuk.</p><p></p><p>I have found that once I knew how I believed these terrible things happened to our family, I was less vulnerable to the attacks and put downs and "holier than thou" attitudes from friends and family members fortunate enough not to have had a difficult child child. I believe the vulnerability and shame the parent feels when one of her children begins to act out in the ways a difficult child child acts out (and again, their actions are eerily similar, no matter how they were raised) can key a predatory instinct in people who wish to use our vulnerability to elevate themselves. </p><p></p><p>Don't display vulnerability. Don't share the pain or the hope or the details. We are right here. We get it. This is a safe place to learn how to get through this.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry this is happening to all of you. </p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 650448, member: 17461"] I wonder whether you have been here with us long enough to have read the information about genetics and kids being "differently wired." It eases the pain of it, if we can recognize our child in the descriptions other parents post about how their "differently wired" kids see both us and themselves. We begin to really get it that it was not something in our parenting that is causing the child to act out. It is something in the way the child's brain is wired. Is there someone in your family of origin who behaved the way your son is behaving? I like the strength I hear in how you responded to him. Good for you. Dealing with a difficult child child is not for sissies. It's hard for me to respond with strength and clarity, or to keep myself focused on surviving the rottenness of what is happening. I think that makes it harder for me, because I take it out on myself and get depressed or anxious or numb. Then, I have to dig myself out. Yuk. I have found that once I knew how I believed these terrible things happened to our family, I was less vulnerable to the attacks and put downs and "holier than thou" attitudes from friends and family members fortunate enough not to have had a difficult child child. I believe the vulnerability and shame the parent feels when one of her children begins to act out in the ways a difficult child child acts out (and again, their actions are eerily similar, no matter how they were raised) can key a predatory instinct in people who wish to use our vulnerability to elevate themselves. Don't display vulnerability. Don't share the pain or the hope or the details. We are right here. We get it. This is a safe place to learn how to get through this. I am sorry this is happening to all of you. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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I raised him right, right? Self blame and the pursuit of happiness.
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