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Parent Emeritus
I raised him right, right? Self blame and the pursuit of happiness.
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<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 650542" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>It's actually very simple. I am NOT my DNA. My son is NOT his DNA. Just because you have a tendency toward something, does not mean you have to fall victim to it. I don't have (much) a say in how my child turns out. But HE DOES!</p><p> </p><p>He can CHOOSE to be an addict or to abstain from drugs. He can CHOOSE to be a liar or to be truthful. He can CHOOSE to steal or to be honest. He can CHOOSE to be lazy or to work.</p><p> </p><p>To say otherwise is to say, "My dad is an alcoholic, so I'm screwed. I'm going to be a drunk." or "Well, I have my dad's genes and he was a liar and a thief, so I'm going to lie and steal, nothing I can do about it."</p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 15px">Genetic predispositions aren't prophecy.</span></strong></p><p> </p><p>If your family history has a tendency toward skin cancer, you can wear sunscreen and hats and prevent it. If your family history has breast cancer, you can get a preventative mastectomy.</p><p> </p><p>Even if you've fallen victim to your genes, you can stop. My best friend's father was an alcoholic. She herself ended up in rehab. She's now been sober for years. Why? Because she CHOSE to not ruin her life. My mother was morbidly obese. I am too. I could blame it on my genes and the fact is they probably had a lot to do with it...but if I ate salad instead of burgers and worked out every day instead of sitting on my butt I wouldn't be the size I am. It might be a struggle, but I could overcome it.</p><p> </p><p>So yes. I am exasperated with what he does with his DNA - because he doesn't HAVE to. He doesn't suffer from kleptomania - he's lazy and entitled and PERFECTLY CAPABLE of NOT stealing.</p><p> </p><p></p><p> </p><p>And this should exasperate you too! Perhaps she has a mental illness and simply can't help herself. But maybe she's just chosen to be a bad person. I can't speak to your daughter, having not met her. I've met my son. He has a choice.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 650542, member: 17309"] It's actually very simple. I am NOT my DNA. My son is NOT his DNA. Just because you have a tendency toward something, does not mean you have to fall victim to it. I don't have (much) a say in how my child turns out. But HE DOES! He can CHOOSE to be an addict or to abstain from drugs. He can CHOOSE to be a liar or to be truthful. He can CHOOSE to steal or to be honest. He can CHOOSE to be lazy or to work. To say otherwise is to say, "My dad is an alcoholic, so I'm screwed. I'm going to be a drunk." or "Well, I have my dad's genes and he was a liar and a thief, so I'm going to lie and steal, nothing I can do about it." [B][SIZE=4]Genetic predispositions aren't prophecy.[/SIZE][/B] If your family history has a tendency toward skin cancer, you can wear sunscreen and hats and prevent it. If your family history has breast cancer, you can get a preventative mastectomy. Even if you've fallen victim to your genes, you can stop. My best friend's father was an alcoholic. She herself ended up in rehab. She's now been sober for years. Why? Because she CHOSE to not ruin her life. My mother was morbidly obese. I am too. I could blame it on my genes and the fact is they probably had a lot to do with it...but if I ate salad instead of burgers and worked out every day instead of sitting on my butt I wouldn't be the size I am. It might be a struggle, but I could overcome it. So yes. I am exasperated with what he does with his DNA - because he doesn't HAVE to. He doesn't suffer from kleptomania - he's lazy and entitled and PERFECTLY CAPABLE of NOT stealing. And this should exasperate you too! Perhaps she has a mental illness and simply can't help herself. But maybe she's just chosen to be a bad person. I can't speak to your daughter, having not met her. I've met my son. He has a choice. [/QUOTE]
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