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<blockquote data-quote="pepperidge" data-source="post: 535213" data-attributes="member: 2322"><p>FWIW my youngest was/is an aggressive player. He alienated his K buddies because he would always throw the ball too hard in games of throw and catch in PE. And a hundred variations on the same. Frankly I think he would have had trouble making friends in any system because children just shy away from a child like that. Of course, good sensitive teachers can help with the constant reteaching of behavior and cause and effect that goes on. You don't want him somewhere where the school marginalizes him even more. To this day he has trouble making friends, though many people like him and he works well with adults who take a kind interest in him. But he is still a child that is vulnerable, isolated and inclined to do stupid things just to make other kids like him.</p><p></p><p>As you describe you son it sounds like he has difficulties with emotional and physical regulation, for whatever reasons. Maybe he is out a few standard deviations on the bell curve and society should accept him, but chances are he will continue to have difficulties fitting in whatever group of kids he is with. I would be wary about changing schools unless you are sure that the teachers really will be more accepting of him. Philosophy is one thing, how the school actually implements it is another. </p><p></p><p>If you believe that there is a better than even chance that he might have ADHD you may want to trial medications at some point. It doesn't sound like you have received any serious evaluation. We finally did to see if they would help on the behavioral front and help my son learn to curb that physical impulsivity that frankly scared other kids (and their parents!) some. It did to some extent, but my son's physiology from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) is complex. But the way he is an above average kid that many people describe as intelligent, but he seems to have trouble with retaining concepts from one day to the next. </p><p></p><p>One thing more to think about is something my son's psychiatrist pointed out (he is a child dev specialist) is that when puberty hits these boys are flooded with testerone which peaks in early adolescence. That excess physical aggression will likely get worse, not better. I think that there may be some virtue in finding a community that he can fit into (and one with sports that he can participate in from an early age--don't know how the Uk deals with youth soccer or heaven forbid rugby!) before adolescence hits so that he can try to find a niche before then. Early adolescence can be very cruel to kids who are outliers.</p><p></p><p>It would be great if society would accept our children for what they are and befriend them. We need to be careful not to impose our own romanticized views on the world of what childhood and friendships ought to look like. I had to figure out early on how I was going to help my child become a better friend and that entailed coming to terms with some of the more "objectionable" parts of his behavior without making him feel like a bad kid because of it. </p><p></p><p>Perhaps you are somewhere in the grieving process of coming to terms with the cruelty of the world to kids who are different. Its tough.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="pepperidge, post: 535213, member: 2322"] FWIW my youngest was/is an aggressive player. He alienated his K buddies because he would always throw the ball too hard in games of throw and catch in PE. And a hundred variations on the same. Frankly I think he would have had trouble making friends in any system because children just shy away from a child like that. Of course, good sensitive teachers can help with the constant reteaching of behavior and cause and effect that goes on. You don't want him somewhere where the school marginalizes him even more. To this day he has trouble making friends, though many people like him and he works well with adults who take a kind interest in him. But he is still a child that is vulnerable, isolated and inclined to do stupid things just to make other kids like him. As you describe you son it sounds like he has difficulties with emotional and physical regulation, for whatever reasons. Maybe he is out a few standard deviations on the bell curve and society should accept him, but chances are he will continue to have difficulties fitting in whatever group of kids he is with. I would be wary about changing schools unless you are sure that the teachers really will be more accepting of him. Philosophy is one thing, how the school actually implements it is another. If you believe that there is a better than even chance that he might have ADHD you may want to trial medications at some point. It doesn't sound like you have received any serious evaluation. We finally did to see if they would help on the behavioral front and help my son learn to curb that physical impulsivity that frankly scared other kids (and their parents!) some. It did to some extent, but my son's physiology from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) is complex. But the way he is an above average kid that many people describe as intelligent, but he seems to have trouble with retaining concepts from one day to the next. One thing more to think about is something my son's psychiatrist pointed out (he is a child dev specialist) is that when puberty hits these boys are flooded with testerone which peaks in early adolescence. That excess physical aggression will likely get worse, not better. I think that there may be some virtue in finding a community that he can fit into (and one with sports that he can participate in from an early age--don't know how the Uk deals with youth soccer or heaven forbid rugby!) before adolescence hits so that he can try to find a niche before then. Early adolescence can be very cruel to kids who are outliers. It would be great if society would accept our children for what they are and befriend them. We need to be careful not to impose our own romanticized views on the world of what childhood and friendships ought to look like. I had to figure out early on how I was going to help my child become a better friend and that entailed coming to terms with some of the more "objectionable" parts of his behavior without making him feel like a bad kid because of it. Perhaps you are somewhere in the grieving process of coming to terms with the cruelty of the world to kids who are different. Its tough. [/QUOTE]
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