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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 535237" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>These are all good points, thank you. There are two things at play in the present school, I guess. One is that he is not fitting in smoothly and easily with all the other kids - because of his aggressivity, his tendency to conflict, his over-the-topness at times and his desire to touch and engage physically with kids all the time. Also, I would say from what I've seen from the way he is with other kids, because he is just intent on imposing himself and impressing others, not realising or being able to see that the path to friendship lies in showing interest in others and making moves towards them as they are... The other is that the teacher is giving him too hard a time because, despite what she says to me, she doesn't understand or accept that J has anything going on. I know for a fact that she thinks a big part of the way he is is because I am a single parent and lacking authority without a husband... It may be a bit better with this new teacher but frankly I don't think it is going to be a whole lot better. </p><p>The difficulty with kids is going to be there with no matter where he is, for sure. But I have really noticed how kids "follow suit" with the attitude of the adults... Because J is marginalised by the teacher, I think that is partly what is causing the marginalisation by some kids. Only partly, though. J is like two characters and maybe this is true for many of our difficult children - if he feels secure, appreciated, warm and loved, he becomes this nice kid, engaging and helpful. If he feels rejected, criticised, labelled, he becomes SO much more difficult and unpleasant to be around. Anxiety and insecurity play their part. I just figure that if he were in a more nurturning environment...?</p><p>As to sports - J has done gym for two years now! He excels in some things but mostly he finds things difficult because it requires him to slow down, find balance, be patient, and it has been great for teaching him these things. The male teacher is both firm and really sympathetic to kids and seems to accept J totally as he is - I did tell him early on that he is hyperactive. J also does tennis, similarly great in teaching fine motor skills and control I can see when we play badminton together that his racket skills are good for a kid of his age. He also does a roller skating class, which of course he loves. I want him to start rugby - opportunities abound in France - in the autumn. I found a house for let near the Waldorf school which is on a complex of holiday gites run by an English couple. When I rang the guy, we got into conversation and he told me that his kids had gone to the local state school which has loads of sporting opportunities and that his daughter, who was herself very active and sporty, had thrived on it. I thought that if I go to visit the Waldorf school and this house, I would try to visit this local primary school as well.... So much depends on the teacher, as people have said. Yet another option to add to the dilemma... </p><p>MWM, lol. Yeah, I have noticed that France isn't a good fit for J and his kind <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> But, as a Moroccan especially, speaking fluent French really is this golden attribute in his future life, particularly if he wants to live in Morocco. I have played with the idea of returning to the UK - money is the key factor here... It is just SO expensive in my native land! Rents, housing, way, way more than they are here, with salaries not commensurate. Yes, it would be good for J to be near my mother. </p><p>I am so wary, as I say, of the notion of following some supposed el dorado only to find that it of course isn't... At the same time, I am concerned that J is starting to be rejected by this group of older boys. This is a tiny, community school and it is not really "on" or acceptable for this to happen, in an environment where different ages play together all the time. </p><p>I find decisions difficult at the best of times. This one I find more difficult than most. Part of me thinks stay, ride it out, learn to stay with the difficult and work with it, work on improving J's social abilities and his integration, another part just longs, as I say, to cut and run <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> First of all, I have to visit the other places... And then there's the old chestnut of whether we shouldn't return to Morocco, which is the closest thing to a natural home that J is ever going to have. He IS Moroccan and if we go back when he is young he has a chance of assuming that identity and language fully. He would have to go to the French school there so none of this experience would have gone to waste.</p><p>I don't know. Poor J. My heart bleeds for him somewhat. He is sociable and engaging but just doesn't know how to tone himself down to obey various social codes and rules. THIS is what he needs help with, quite urgently while he is young enough.</p><p>Thanks for ploughing through this long post, if you have <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 535237, member: 11227"] These are all good points, thank you. There are two things at play in the present school, I guess. One is that he is not fitting in smoothly and easily with all the other kids - because of his aggressivity, his tendency to conflict, his over-the-topness at times and his desire to touch and engage physically with kids all the time. Also, I would say from what I've seen from the way he is with other kids, because he is just intent on imposing himself and impressing others, not realising or being able to see that the path to friendship lies in showing interest in others and making moves towards them as they are... The other is that the teacher is giving him too hard a time because, despite what she says to me, she doesn't understand or accept that J has anything going on. I know for a fact that she thinks a big part of the way he is is because I am a single parent and lacking authority without a husband... It may be a bit better with this new teacher but frankly I don't think it is going to be a whole lot better. The difficulty with kids is going to be there with no matter where he is, for sure. But I have really noticed how kids "follow suit" with the attitude of the adults... Because J is marginalised by the teacher, I think that is partly what is causing the marginalisation by some kids. Only partly, though. J is like two characters and maybe this is true for many of our difficult children - if he feels secure, appreciated, warm and loved, he becomes this nice kid, engaging and helpful. If he feels rejected, criticised, labelled, he becomes SO much more difficult and unpleasant to be around. Anxiety and insecurity play their part. I just figure that if he were in a more nurturning environment...? As to sports - J has done gym for two years now! He excels in some things but mostly he finds things difficult because it requires him to slow down, find balance, be patient, and it has been great for teaching him these things. The male teacher is both firm and really sympathetic to kids and seems to accept J totally as he is - I did tell him early on that he is hyperactive. J also does tennis, similarly great in teaching fine motor skills and control I can see when we play badminton together that his racket skills are good for a kid of his age. He also does a roller skating class, which of course he loves. I want him to start rugby - opportunities abound in France - in the autumn. I found a house for let near the Waldorf school which is on a complex of holiday gites run by an English couple. When I rang the guy, we got into conversation and he told me that his kids had gone to the local state school which has loads of sporting opportunities and that his daughter, who was herself very active and sporty, had thrived on it. I thought that if I go to visit the Waldorf school and this house, I would try to visit this local primary school as well.... So much depends on the teacher, as people have said. Yet another option to add to the dilemma... MWM, lol. Yeah, I have noticed that France isn't a good fit for J and his kind :) But, as a Moroccan especially, speaking fluent French really is this golden attribute in his future life, particularly if he wants to live in Morocco. I have played with the idea of returning to the UK - money is the key factor here... It is just SO expensive in my native land! Rents, housing, way, way more than they are here, with salaries not commensurate. Yes, it would be good for J to be near my mother. I am so wary, as I say, of the notion of following some supposed el dorado only to find that it of course isn't... At the same time, I am concerned that J is starting to be rejected by this group of older boys. This is a tiny, community school and it is not really "on" or acceptable for this to happen, in an environment where different ages play together all the time. I find decisions difficult at the best of times. This one I find more difficult than most. Part of me thinks stay, ride it out, learn to stay with the difficult and work with it, work on improving J's social abilities and his integration, another part just longs, as I say, to cut and run :) First of all, I have to visit the other places... And then there's the old chestnut of whether we shouldn't return to Morocco, which is the closest thing to a natural home that J is ever going to have. He IS Moroccan and if we go back when he is young he has a chance of assuming that identity and language fully. He would have to go to the French school there so none of this experience would have gone to waste. I don't know. Poor J. My heart bleeds for him somewhat. He is sociable and engaging but just doesn't know how to tone himself down to obey various social codes and rules. THIS is what he needs help with, quite urgently while he is young enough. Thanks for ploughing through this long post, if you have :) [/QUOTE]
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