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I saw my son
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 760005" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Helpless. I'm so sorry you are suffering.</p><p></p><p>Your son is still a child, really. He is acting badly and selfishly. But this is what young people so often do. The brains of young men frequently don't mature until at least into their 30's. Your son had dug a deep hole for himself, but many, many, many teenagers do.</p><p></p><p>I think your husband is acting on pure emotion, adrenaline, confusion, and pain. And you may be too.</p><p></p><p>Remember that your husband allowed your son to come and live with the family and that he was very, very supportive. I seem to remember that he did allow him back at least one more time.</p><p></p><p>I am not blaming your son, but he has to be held responsible. If he is not held responsible, he won't learn. </p><p></p><p>I will offer you my point of view, which you've not asked for. But maybe your husband thinks as I do. Maybe it will be easier for you to hear it from me, somebody you don't know.</p><p></p><p>Helpless. I don't want you to suffer.</p><p></p><p>I can see how your husband might feel. He stuck his neck out and he feels betrayed. Maybe your husband feels permitting your son to come to the house, could have endangered the family. If he feels this way, I can see his point.</p><p></p><p>More than this, your son has violated his probation. To give him succor and support might be sending a mixed message.</p><p></p><p>I am not saying he needs to be out in the cold, suffering, and rejected. But I can understand if your husband feels he should not be in the house or near it. <em>Not until he cleans up his act. </em>What that means is he needs to report to the PO, and come up with a plan to make restitution.</p><p></p><p>I hope I am not being hard-hearted here. I feel help for your son needs to be conditional on his going to the PO. Unless I don't understand something--he's on the lam. He needs to do right. I am talking about his welfare, here. He needs to know he has to do the right thing. If he doesn't, he will keep doing the wrong thing.</p><p></p><p>I believe that if your son showed the beginnings of responsibility, your husband's attitude would turn around.</p><p></p><p>I wish with all my heart you weren't in this spot helpless. You did not make these circumstances for your son. This is not your fault. That your son may be hungry is painful, but at any point, he could change that, by facing the situation that he got himself in. I am so sorry.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 760005, member: 18958"] Helpless. I'm so sorry you are suffering. Your son is still a child, really. He is acting badly and selfishly. But this is what young people so often do. The brains of young men frequently don't mature until at least into their 30's. Your son had dug a deep hole for himself, but many, many, many teenagers do. I think your husband is acting on pure emotion, adrenaline, confusion, and pain. And you may be too. Remember that your husband allowed your son to come and live with the family and that he was very, very supportive. I seem to remember that he did allow him back at least one more time. I am not blaming your son, but he has to be held responsible. If he is not held responsible, he won't learn. I will offer you my point of view, which you've not asked for. But maybe your husband thinks as I do. Maybe it will be easier for you to hear it from me, somebody you don't know. Helpless. I don't want you to suffer. I can see how your husband might feel. He stuck his neck out and he feels betrayed. Maybe your husband feels permitting your son to come to the house, could have endangered the family. If he feels this way, I can see his point. More than this, your son has violated his probation. To give him succor and support might be sending a mixed message. I am not saying he needs to be out in the cold, suffering, and rejected. But I can understand if your husband feels he should not be in the house or near it. [I]Not until he cleans up his act. [/I]What that means is he needs to report to the PO, and come up with a plan to make restitution. I hope I am not being hard-hearted here. I feel help for your son needs to be conditional on his going to the PO. Unless I don't understand something--he's on the lam. He needs to do right. I am talking about his welfare, here. He needs to know he has to do the right thing. If he doesn't, he will keep doing the wrong thing. I believe that if your son showed the beginnings of responsibility, your husband's attitude would turn around. I wish with all my heart you weren't in this spot helpless. You did not make these circumstances for your son. This is not your fault. That your son may be hungry is painful, but at any point, he could change that, by facing the situation that he got himself in. I am so sorry. [/QUOTE]
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