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Substance Abuse
I saw my son
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<blockquote data-quote="Jabberwockey" data-source="post: 760019" data-attributes="member: 18238"><p>Well said. Women tend to be nurturers and men tend to be preparers. Preparation ends, nurturing doesn't and I know how frustrating it was when our son would complain about not knowing how to do something that I had taught him over and over again. Job hunting.....there's no way to explain my frustration with our son over that. I spent six or seven years at work teaching inmates how to job hunt and tried to pass this on to our son. Yet he would still show up someplace asking for a job wearing ratty jeans and borderline offensive band tee shirts with his stupid beanie firmly over his greasy, unwashed hair sporting his white trash "beard" all the while saying "This is who I am. They need to learn to accept me as I am!" while completely ignoring our assertions that life doesn't work that way. Willful stupidity can be VERY frustrating and most people don't react well to being frustrated.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Speaking as a father who had been in a similar situation, it was wrong for your husband to yell at you like that but I also understand why he did it. I love my wife dearly but during the time our son was really going off the rails, she frustrated the hell out of me by constantly bailing him out. We never argued but she would make me mad enough that I had to walk away for a few hours to calm down. I don't know you, your husband, or even your full situation. I'm back for the first day after a several year break so haven't read you're whole situation yet but my son, I don't acknowledge step or half, is my wife's from a previous marriage. He was about 4 years old when we started dating. Because of that, it's difficult to step in and be an authority figure. You never know when it might be considered interfering and cause a problem. After a while you become a....secondary??...parent??? Mom has the authority and you're only the backup? Hard to describe how it felt. But it was very frustrating, and even before our son went off the rails that frustration had built up. I had outlets and my wife and I talked a lot. She had issues stemming from her previous marriage that I was aware of that helped me to understand. The main thing to remember is that you are a team. I know you want to jump to and help your son as soon as he shows up, but talk you your husband first if at all possible. Even though its not the case, feeling like a second class citizen in your own home is difficult. Your husband needs time to come to terms with this as well and one of the best things you can do is to make sure he's included in the decision making process concerning your son.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jabberwockey, post: 760019, member: 18238"] Well said. Women tend to be nurturers and men tend to be preparers. Preparation ends, nurturing doesn't and I know how frustrating it was when our son would complain about not knowing how to do something that I had taught him over and over again. Job hunting.....there's no way to explain my frustration with our son over that. I spent six or seven years at work teaching inmates how to job hunt and tried to pass this on to our son. Yet he would still show up someplace asking for a job wearing ratty jeans and borderline offensive band tee shirts with his stupid beanie firmly over his greasy, unwashed hair sporting his white trash "beard" all the while saying "This is who I am. They need to learn to accept me as I am!" while completely ignoring our assertions that life doesn't work that way. Willful stupidity can be VERY frustrating and most people don't react well to being frustrated. Speaking as a father who had been in a similar situation, it was wrong for your husband to yell at you like that but I also understand why he did it. I love my wife dearly but during the time our son was really going off the rails, she frustrated the hell out of me by constantly bailing him out. We never argued but she would make me mad enough that I had to walk away for a few hours to calm down. I don't know you, your husband, or even your full situation. I'm back for the first day after a several year break so haven't read you're whole situation yet but my son, I don't acknowledge step or half, is my wife's from a previous marriage. He was about 4 years old when we started dating. Because of that, it's difficult to step in and be an authority figure. You never know when it might be considered interfering and cause a problem. After a while you become a....secondary??...parent??? Mom has the authority and you're only the backup? Hard to describe how it felt. But it was very frustrating, and even before our son went off the rails that frustration had built up. I had outlets and my wife and I talked a lot. She had issues stemming from her previous marriage that I was aware of that helped me to understand. The main thing to remember is that you are a team. I know you want to jump to and help your son as soon as he shows up, but talk you your husband first if at all possible. Even though its not the case, feeling like a second class citizen in your own home is difficult. Your husband needs time to come to terms with this as well and one of the best things you can do is to make sure he's included in the decision making process concerning your son. [/QUOTE]
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