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I should never have come...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 659329" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>No, you haven't lost your marbles. I think you just saw the light.</p><p></p><p>Your Difficult Child already told you he is doing what he wants to do. He wants to abuse drugs and drink and not work. He is living up to what he told you he wanted. He may have played you a bit and said "I want to change" in order to get your heart to sing and for you to do him favors.</p><p></p><p>You got a chance to see your Easy Child.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps now it is time to go home for good, except for short visits to see Easy Child, and start thinking hard about what YOU want to do. You aren't going to change your Difficult Child. He is where he said he wants to be. I feel like distance helps sometimes.</p><p></p><p>I can not totally relate because I never had your experience, but I have had difficulties with two of my adult children during different times and have felt better when they were not living with me. When they were there, I felt it was my responsibility to do something. When they weren't, I didn't worry as much as was able to let them make their own choices without interfering. My daughter did great without me and my son has a good life, even if he still suffers anxiety disorder when under stress. This is actually getting better and, although I never would have predicted this when he was going through his custody battle, we talk almost every day, sometimes twice a day and most of the time it is quite amicable.</p><p></p><p>Of course he is in St. Louis. The distance was good for both of us. Now we can be close again, emotionally.</p><p></p><p>But I can't fix any of my grown kids troubles and, trust me, even the Easy Child have their issues and I want to make it all better and they don't want me to. They want me to let them handle things themselves.</p><p></p><p>It's time for you to have a wonderful rest-of-your-life and not worry so much about your boys. I know, I know. I was VERY codependent on my kids...but I learned to let go when I had to. It's not so hard once you make a life for yourself.</p><p></p><p>Wishing you only the best!!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 659329, member: 1550"] No, you haven't lost your marbles. I think you just saw the light. Your Difficult Child already told you he is doing what he wants to do. He wants to abuse drugs and drink and not work. He is living up to what he told you he wanted. He may have played you a bit and said "I want to change" in order to get your heart to sing and for you to do him favors. You got a chance to see your Easy Child. Perhaps now it is time to go home for good, except for short visits to see Easy Child, and start thinking hard about what YOU want to do. You aren't going to change your Difficult Child. He is where he said he wants to be. I feel like distance helps sometimes. I can not totally relate because I never had your experience, but I have had difficulties with two of my adult children during different times and have felt better when they were not living with me. When they were there, I felt it was my responsibility to do something. When they weren't, I didn't worry as much as was able to let them make their own choices without interfering. My daughter did great without me and my son has a good life, even if he still suffers anxiety disorder when under stress. This is actually getting better and, although I never would have predicted this when he was going through his custody battle, we talk almost every day, sometimes twice a day and most of the time it is quite amicable. Of course he is in St. Louis. The distance was good for both of us. Now we can be close again, emotionally. But I can't fix any of my grown kids troubles and, trust me, even the Easy Child have their issues and I want to make it all better and they don't want me to. They want me to let them handle things themselves. It's time for you to have a wonderful rest-of-your-life and not worry so much about your boys. I know, I know. I was VERY codependent on my kids...but I learned to let go when I had to. It's not so hard once you make a life for yourself. Wishing you only the best!!!!! [/QUOTE]
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