Another one in complete agreement with- Suz. Light and airy. You're all doing fine, been doing x, y, and z, getting ready for spring, whatever. He already *knows* he's hurt you - he's a smart kid. No sense in reinforcing it or acknowledging his power.
We did a very long "no contact" period (including no calls) with- thank you several years ago. I think it ended up being 6 months and change. I don't regret doing it because, like your easy child, the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) staff really felt that thank you needed to focus on his junk and quit dragging us in and/or using us as an excuse. It was kind of a last resort thing at the time. He was initially *very* angry and depressed, but in the long run I don't think he ever felt the loss of us. It didn't really motivate him but it *did* clarify for all of us where he was at in terms of his thought processes and behaviors and ... hard to put into words, but it gave all of us a good picture of thank you, without distractions. Hope that makes sense.
I don't think it was so much that thank you wanted us out of his life, or didn't miss us, it was just that he wasn't willing or able to make the changes necessary to have us in it. A very wise therapist told us when he was 7 or 8 that thank you would not change until it became too expensive for him to continue his current behaviors. Unfortunately, thank you has a huge reserve. It was only last year that he finally started to get that his life was the pits and that *he* was the only one who could change it. And he has, finally.
When your difficult child calls, I'd cut him off short if/when he tries to guilt you. *His* choices resulted in this entire placement, *his* choices resulted in the no contact, this has absolutely nothing to do with- the family and *everything* to do with him. Get that armor on.
A gentle hug... our kids can just bring us to our knees.
