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General Parenting
I think I'm just numb
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 309674" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Heather, she probably says she hates the therapist too. I never bothered to count the number of times my kids said, "I hate you!" You've got to waterproof your back, so it's like a duck's. Don't let it penetrate to your skin. Don't wear it. Because tey're not meaning YOU, they're meaning someone else. And they're not meaning, "hate", they're meaning, "I am frustrated because I want this and you wo't let me."</p><p>And they're telling you, because they know you love them and they know that telling you this hurts you and they're angry.</p><p></p><p>So the more you show them that it hurts, the more tyey will continue to do this when they want to hurt you.</p><p></p><p>Do you want it to stop? Then do your best to not let the hurt show. </p><p></p><p>The best insulation you can have, is to not need their love in order to feel that you are a good mother. You ARE a good mother, you do not need their constant validation to prove this. If anything, the "I hate you"s are part of this validation.</p><p></p><p>A child who is always loving, always well-behaved, always dutiful - is a child who is confined, disempowered, afraid, inhibited. Yourchild is open in her expression. OK, inappropriate - but she IS a child, has some (mental) growing to do.</p><p></p><p>Just be there. Shove food in their direction occasionally. Get on with your own hobbies and have your own interests too. Love yourself. It's OK.</p><p></p><p>It will work out. Just grab onto our hands for a while and get some strength back.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 309674, member: 1991"] Heather, she probably says she hates the therapist too. I never bothered to count the number of times my kids said, "I hate you!" You've got to waterproof your back, so it's like a duck's. Don't let it penetrate to your skin. Don't wear it. Because tey're not meaning YOU, they're meaning someone else. And they're not meaning, "hate", they're meaning, "I am frustrated because I want this and you wo't let me." And they're telling you, because they know you love them and they know that telling you this hurts you and they're angry. So the more you show them that it hurts, the more tyey will continue to do this when they want to hurt you. Do you want it to stop? Then do your best to not let the hurt show. The best insulation you can have, is to not need their love in order to feel that you are a good mother. You ARE a good mother, you do not need their constant validation to prove this. If anything, the "I hate you"s are part of this validation. A child who is always loving, always well-behaved, always dutiful - is a child who is confined, disempowered, afraid, inhibited. Yourchild is open in her expression. OK, inappropriate - but she IS a child, has some (mental) growing to do. Just be there. Shove food in their direction occasionally. Get on with your own hobbies and have your own interests too. Love yourself. It's OK. It will work out. Just grab onto our hands for a while and get some strength back. Marg [/QUOTE]
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I think I'm just numb
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