Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
I think it is easier to get over somebody if they actually die...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 645155" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Yes, they can. My father, of all people (she'd divorced and hated him), would chide me for not visiting my mother near the end, when she didn't even know me anymore and had been vile to me most of my life.</p><p>I was sorry she died a terrible death, but I couldn't make it better. When she had a supposedly benign brain tumor eight years before the brain cancer, she had told EVERYONE not to let me know about it. My interpretation after finding out way later is that she hated me so much she wouldn't want me there. I did not make a last minute visit to her at the end either, as we had no relationship. I could have been Sally on the street, rather than a child she gave birth to. I didn't go. I did attend the funeral, mostly to support those who were sad about it. I tried to feel sad, but I couldn't. It felt like a stranger. My sister had insisted on an open coffin, although she was Jewish to the end and they don't do that. So I got to see her. I did not recognize her. She had been young when I'd seen her last and that was by her own choice.</p><p>Now that she is gone, she still has caused problems from the grave and feelings about her life have fueled animosity toward me and my siblings. So we are now no contact, and that is ok too. Both of them were major triggers for me as they felt Mom was swell. I don't care that they thought so, but it was a trigger for me.</p><p>Death isn't always the closure you need, but it has made my life better. Do I feel guilty about that? No. She was the one who rebuffed all my efforts to reach out and even apologize for things I didn't do, just because SHE thought I did them, and I wanted peace. She died of natural causes and I didn't have anything to do with it.</p><p>I don't worry about the "what ifs" anymore. So I guess that in itself is closure.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 645155, member: 1550"] Yes, they can. My father, of all people (she'd divorced and hated him), would chide me for not visiting my mother near the end, when she didn't even know me anymore and had been vile to me most of my life. I was sorry she died a terrible death, but I couldn't make it better. When she had a supposedly benign brain tumor eight years before the brain cancer, she had told EVERYONE not to let me know about it. My interpretation after finding out way later is that she hated me so much she wouldn't want me there. I did not make a last minute visit to her at the end either, as we had no relationship. I could have been Sally on the street, rather than a child she gave birth to. I didn't go. I did attend the funeral, mostly to support those who were sad about it. I tried to feel sad, but I couldn't. It felt like a stranger. My sister had insisted on an open coffin, although she was Jewish to the end and they don't do that. So I got to see her. I did not recognize her. She had been young when I'd seen her last and that was by her own choice. Now that she is gone, she still has caused problems from the grave and feelings about her life have fueled animosity toward me and my siblings. So we are now no contact, and that is ok too. Both of them were major triggers for me as they felt Mom was swell. I don't care that they thought so, but it was a trigger for me. Death isn't always the closure you need, but it has made my life better. Do I feel guilty about that? No. She was the one who rebuffed all my efforts to reach out and even apologize for things I didn't do, just because SHE thought I did them, and I wanted peace. She died of natural causes and I didn't have anything to do with it. I don't worry about the "what ifs" anymore. So I guess that in itself is closure. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
I think it is easier to get over somebody if they actually die...
Top