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I think my cleaner is unstable
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 125179" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I could ask my best friend about the court stuff, but she also lives in the same town, we all know everybody and I'm reluctant to stick my neck out that far.</p><p></p><p>As regards the pastor, we're talking abut someone perhaps only marginally more stable - the 'spiritual junkie'. The pastor IS a friend of mine, but not someone I would choose to confide in. Made that mistake once before...</p><p></p><p>As to whether my cleaner is doing drugs - I wouldn't be surprised, but I don't think that's where the problems lie. I'm thinking that with all the stress (admittedly self-induced) he's just plain losing it.</p><p></p><p>This guy is friendly towards me, but what he is saying and what he is thinking clearly seem to be diverging. And I think this is perhaps unhinging him even further. From what I know, his marriage was heading for the rocks even before this 'incident' - and I find it very hard to reconcile what he has admitted to doing in public, with the deeply religious man he otherwise portrays. I CAN'T risk talking to anyone about it, in case he HASN'T told, say, the pastor for example. It would make me look like the worst kind of gossip if I mentioned it. And even though I'm also on good terms with his wife - again, I'm reluctant to say anything to anybody.</p><p></p><p>This guy has big problems. But another pattern I've been seeing as increasingly obvious - he seems to be wanting to abase himself, to degrade himself in various ways. Self-destructive, and then talks about how he's a bad person etc, almost like a kid who deliberately does dangerous things and then tries to win sympathy for his grazed knees. It's a vibe I've been getting - the "mea culpa" followed by people surrounding him with, "Never mind, life will get better, think positively, etc". Also an aspect of "just how naughty do I need to be, to shock this person?" </p><p></p><p>Part of it - maybe he's testing people around him to see just how much crud they'll put up with - but I think it goes beyond that. At some level I think he's burning bridges. It's as if he's thinking, if he can't sustain his marriage, then why try to hold things together on other levels?</p><p>He told the most reactionary of the church elders that he has decided not to be a Christian. Frankly, from what I know of him, this is akin to Mother Theresa switching to atheism. It was a statement borne partly out of confusion, and partly out of a desire to get a shock reaction. He told me that he is now looking around and asking people their views on life, so he can find something to believe in.</p><p>This to me sounds not only bizarre, it's almost childish - "tell me what to think."</p><p>Like a lot of what he says, I threw it back at him and said that he already has faith; he just has to work out for himself what it is faith IN. And it's not my job in any way to tell him what to believe - not ANYBODY'S job. That was a fortnight ago.</p><p></p><p>As I said, some of this seems calculated, but what I saw today - a lot of it was NOT calculated (I don't think). </p><p></p><p>I can tell him to get counselling but he will only go to the pastor, and I doubt very much that will help - probably only make things worse. I did say something today about the benefits of secular counselling - now I think back, I'm wondering if that was what triggered his outburst. He had brought up the topic of counselling, as he often brings up various topics.</p><p></p><p>He really doesn't seem to know his own mind from minute to minute. I'm thinking as I type this - what was running through my head today was "rapid cycling" - I'm not experienced with this, but whenever I've paid attention to people here when they talk about rapid cycling, what I saw today seems to mesh with what I think it is. Up, down, up, down - within minutes, or less. Big problems - then laughing at a joke (or cracking a joke). Seeming to seek sympathy - and yet at times I feel there is something contrived.</p><p></p><p>I haven't had a chance to discuss this with husband yet. And there is no way I can talk to mother in law about it - she already can't stand this bloke, confiding in her would be a huge mistake.</p><p></p><p>Whatever is going on - it does seem to me that it's only a matter of time (not much time at that) before the midden hits the windmill.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for the input so far. All contributions welcome.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 125179, member: 1991"] I could ask my best friend about the court stuff, but she also lives in the same town, we all know everybody and I'm reluctant to stick my neck out that far. As regards the pastor, we're talking abut someone perhaps only marginally more stable - the 'spiritual junkie'. The pastor IS a friend of mine, but not someone I would choose to confide in. Made that mistake once before... As to whether my cleaner is doing drugs - I wouldn't be surprised, but I don't think that's where the problems lie. I'm thinking that with all the stress (admittedly self-induced) he's just plain losing it. This guy is friendly towards me, but what he is saying and what he is thinking clearly seem to be diverging. And I think this is perhaps unhinging him even further. From what I know, his marriage was heading for the rocks even before this 'incident' - and I find it very hard to reconcile what he has admitted to doing in public, with the deeply religious man he otherwise portrays. I CAN'T risk talking to anyone about it, in case he HASN'T told, say, the pastor for example. It would make me look like the worst kind of gossip if I mentioned it. And even though I'm also on good terms with his wife - again, I'm reluctant to say anything to anybody. This guy has big problems. But another pattern I've been seeing as increasingly obvious - he seems to be wanting to abase himself, to degrade himself in various ways. Self-destructive, and then talks about how he's a bad person etc, almost like a kid who deliberately does dangerous things and then tries to win sympathy for his grazed knees. It's a vibe I've been getting - the "mea culpa" followed by people surrounding him with, "Never mind, life will get better, think positively, etc". Also an aspect of "just how naughty do I need to be, to shock this person?" Part of it - maybe he's testing people around him to see just how much crud they'll put up with - but I think it goes beyond that. At some level I think he's burning bridges. It's as if he's thinking, if he can't sustain his marriage, then why try to hold things together on other levels? He told the most reactionary of the church elders that he has decided not to be a Christian. Frankly, from what I know of him, this is akin to Mother Theresa switching to atheism. It was a statement borne partly out of confusion, and partly out of a desire to get a shock reaction. He told me that he is now looking around and asking people their views on life, so he can find something to believe in. This to me sounds not only bizarre, it's almost childish - "tell me what to think." Like a lot of what he says, I threw it back at him and said that he already has faith; he just has to work out for himself what it is faith IN. And it's not my job in any way to tell him what to believe - not ANYBODY'S job. That was a fortnight ago. As I said, some of this seems calculated, but what I saw today - a lot of it was NOT calculated (I don't think). I can tell him to get counselling but he will only go to the pastor, and I doubt very much that will help - probably only make things worse. I did say something today about the benefits of secular counselling - now I think back, I'm wondering if that was what triggered his outburst. He had brought up the topic of counselling, as he often brings up various topics. He really doesn't seem to know his own mind from minute to minute. I'm thinking as I type this - what was running through my head today was "rapid cycling" - I'm not experienced with this, but whenever I've paid attention to people here when they talk about rapid cycling, what I saw today seems to mesh with what I think it is. Up, down, up, down - within minutes, or less. Big problems - then laughing at a joke (or cracking a joke). Seeming to seek sympathy - and yet at times I feel there is something contrived. I haven't had a chance to discuss this with husband yet. And there is no way I can talk to mother in law about it - she already can't stand this bloke, confiding in her would be a huge mistake. Whatever is going on - it does seem to me that it's only a matter of time (not much time at that) before the midden hits the windmill. Thanks for the input so far. All contributions welcome. Marg [/QUOTE]
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