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I told my son to leave again. After 24 hours. What am I doing wrong?
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 660730" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>I love this. This cuts through the clutter, doesn't it? I don't know about you, Copa, but my mind can be so filled with clutter and fog and being unsure, that i don't know which way is up.</p><p></p><p>Here are a few more clutter-cutters (hey, I made that up, sounds pretty good, doesn't it??? : ):</p><p></p><p>1. No is a complete sentence.</p><p></p><p>2. I'm 51%, he's 49%.</p><p></p><p>3. My son is 26 years old. My son is 26 years old. My son is 26 years old. If not now, then when?</p><p></p><p>4. Keep quiet. Don't say a word. Let time go by. I don't have to respond to everything he does and says.</p><p></p><p>5. My son(s) will never live here again. My home is my sanctuary, and besides, God didn't intend for us to live with our adult children. Especially in this generation. </p><p></p><p>6. People make choices. Then, they have to live with the consequences. Them, and us. </p><p></p><p>7. People change only when they are completely, completely...read that...completely...sick and tired of their current situation. </p><p></p><p>8. Closing the door here helps my son get to completely sick and tired faster. Keeping the door open here keeps my son living in la-la land. Adults can't live in la-la land. </p><p></p><p>9. We agreed on rules and consequences. You broke them. You get the consequences. Only in this way can people learn that actions have consequences. </p><p></p><p>10. We have to be consistent way way way more than we ever imagined. Way more. The more we are inconsistent...well, maybe...this time...new information...yada, yada, yada...the more we delay their growing up. </p><p></p><p>11. The highest and greatest love for our own children is letting them go to experience life on life's terms. And to deal with it all. </p><p></p><p>Just a few thoughts. I'm not saying any of this is easy to do. It takes years and it takes tons of practice, and tons of THEM teaching US that the other way doesn't work. We love them so much we actually won't believe other people---even the people on this forum---until WE LIVE IT. I was one of the slowest learners there is. </p><p></p><p>My son has been "acting up" since 7th grade, and went off the cliff when he was 19. Now, at 25 (last June 2014), he started changing, it appears. It appears. I enabled him until about three years ago, and even then, I was inconsistent, until, over time, I became more and more consistent.</p><p></p><p>It takes time to change. For us, for them. As my husband says: It took a lot of time to walk into the forest. It's going to take the same amount of time to walk out of the forest.</p><p></p><p>We can help by staying out of the way. </p><p></p><p>Warm hugs, Copa. This is very hard stuff.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 660730, member: 17542"] I love this. This cuts through the clutter, doesn't it? I don't know about you, Copa, but my mind can be so filled with clutter and fog and being unsure, that i don't know which way is up. Here are a few more clutter-cutters (hey, I made that up, sounds pretty good, doesn't it??? : ): 1. No is a complete sentence. 2. I'm 51%, he's 49%. 3. My son is 26 years old. My son is 26 years old. My son is 26 years old. If not now, then when? 4. Keep quiet. Don't say a word. Let time go by. I don't have to respond to everything he does and says. 5. My son(s) will never live here again. My home is my sanctuary, and besides, God didn't intend for us to live with our adult children. Especially in this generation. 6. People make choices. Then, they have to live with the consequences. Them, and us. 7. People change only when they are completely, completely...read that...completely...sick and tired of their current situation. 8. Closing the door here helps my son get to completely sick and tired faster. Keeping the door open here keeps my son living in la-la land. Adults can't live in la-la land. 9. We agreed on rules and consequences. You broke them. You get the consequences. Only in this way can people learn that actions have consequences. 10. We have to be consistent way way way more than we ever imagined. Way more. The more we are inconsistent...well, maybe...this time...new information...yada, yada, yada...the more we delay their growing up. 11. The highest and greatest love for our own children is letting them go to experience life on life's terms. And to deal with it all. Just a few thoughts. I'm not saying any of this is easy to do. It takes years and it takes tons of practice, and tons of THEM teaching US that the other way doesn't work. We love them so much we actually won't believe other people---even the people on this forum---until WE LIVE IT. I was one of the slowest learners there is. My son has been "acting up" since 7th grade, and went off the cliff when he was 19. Now, at 25 (last June 2014), he started changing, it appears. It appears. I enabled him until about three years ago, and even then, I was inconsistent, until, over time, I became more and more consistent. It takes time to change. For us, for them. As my husband says: It took a lot of time to walk into the forest. It's going to take the same amount of time to walk out of the forest. We can help by staying out of the way. Warm hugs, Copa. This is very hard stuff. [/QUOTE]
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I told my son to leave again. After 24 hours. What am I doing wrong?
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