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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 500929" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>First of all, you are absolutely not selfish for wanting some peace and wanting a life, you are normal, you are a grieving parent with so many feelings you feel like you will implode. I am right there with you. I am in the process of letting go of my 39 year old daughter and it hurts like nothing anyone can imagine. I know the pain, and yes it is indescribable. And I know you tried everything, so did I. And, I also know you can't take it anymore. YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG, YOU LIKELY DID EVERYTHING RIGHT, and therein lies the pain. With all your good intentions, with all your love, even with your willingness to die for him, he is still who he is. I grew up with a Bi-polar Dad and my daughter is likely the same, although not diagnosed, she has all the symptoms. It doesn't matter, she is who she is too. My daughter too has a long list of my mistakes, she's been keeping the list since she's 9 years old. Your story is my story. You did the right thing. You did the only thing. You cannot control his behavior, <strong><em><u>you are powerless,</u></em></strong> you can only control yourself and your reactions and make choices for yourself and your family. You are doing that. It is remarkably hard. There are not too many people who can get where you are, but you are in the right place now. You found us. The folks on this site will listen with the empathy only one who has been there can have. We know. The best thing you can do, and me too, is go into your life and find joy, find peace, be happy. It does no good to be miserable for him when it makes no difference to him. He is on his path, you don't know what that is supposed to be, letting go is the only option you can take. You are doing the right thing. I know the pain and I am so, so very sorry. I too watched those other kids wishing my daughter was like them, but she isn't. That is the reality. I don't mean to be harsh, but my HOPE that she would change kept me stuck helping her. Sounds like you have not done that and GOOD for you. You deserve a peaceful, happy future, you deserve to laugh and have fun. Don't let the guilt bring you down. Someone said 'guilt is the gift that keeps on giving' don't go down that road, it's useless and goes nowhere. <strong>Choose joy, misery is optional. </strong> Use this site as much as you need to, we are all here for you, vent, rage, be sad, whatever you feel, write it down if that feels right, it really helps. It really helps to be heard. Breathe, take some time to decompress, y<em>ou are not alone, </em>we know how you feel. It's helped me a lot to get into a CoDa group, take a codependency therapy course, be in therapy, write on this site, keep my friends close, get all the support I can. You're in a very challenging situation and support will help you cope and keep you sane. God bless you. Lots of hugs and warm wishes and prayers coming at you.......</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 500929, member: 13542"] First of all, you are absolutely not selfish for wanting some peace and wanting a life, you are normal, you are a grieving parent with so many feelings you feel like you will implode. I am right there with you. I am in the process of letting go of my 39 year old daughter and it hurts like nothing anyone can imagine. I know the pain, and yes it is indescribable. And I know you tried everything, so did I. And, I also know you can't take it anymore. YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG, YOU LIKELY DID EVERYTHING RIGHT, and therein lies the pain. With all your good intentions, with all your love, even with your willingness to die for him, he is still who he is. I grew up with a Bi-polar Dad and my daughter is likely the same, although not diagnosed, she has all the symptoms. It doesn't matter, she is who she is too. My daughter too has a long list of my mistakes, she's been keeping the list since she's 9 years old. Your story is my story. You did the right thing. You did the only thing. You cannot control his behavior, [B][I][U]you are powerless,[/U][/I][/B] you can only control yourself and your reactions and make choices for yourself and your family. You are doing that. It is remarkably hard. There are not too many people who can get where you are, but you are in the right place now. You found us. The folks on this site will listen with the empathy only one who has been there can have. We know. The best thing you can do, and me too, is go into your life and find joy, find peace, be happy. It does no good to be miserable for him when it makes no difference to him. He is on his path, you don't know what that is supposed to be, letting go is the only option you can take. You are doing the right thing. I know the pain and I am so, so very sorry. I too watched those other kids wishing my daughter was like them, but she isn't. That is the reality. I don't mean to be harsh, but my HOPE that she would change kept me stuck helping her. Sounds like you have not done that and GOOD for you. You deserve a peaceful, happy future, you deserve to laugh and have fun. Don't let the guilt bring you down. Someone said 'guilt is the gift that keeps on giving' don't go down that road, it's useless and goes nowhere. [B]Choose joy, misery is optional. [/B] Use this site as much as you need to, we are all here for you, vent, rage, be sad, whatever you feel, write it down if that feels right, it really helps. It really helps to be heard. Breathe, take some time to decompress, y[I]ou are not alone, [/I]we know how you feel. It's helped me a lot to get into a CoDa group, take a codependency therapy course, be in therapy, write on this site, keep my friends close, get all the support I can. You're in a very challenging situation and support will help you cope and keep you sane. God bless you. Lots of hugs and warm wishes and prayers coming at you....... [/QUOTE]
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