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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 500950"><p>(((hugs))) Yes, we do understand.</p><p>I have a difficult child daughter that has a very difficult diagnosis. We've had about 20 years of on and off (mostly on) craziness.</p><p>The last few months (knock on woood and crossing myself) seems to be slightly better.</p><p>Our son is easy child, but we had one very difficult year with him. Today he is doing extraordinarily well.</p><p></p><p>Your son is 18 years old and you said that you've had 10 years or more of difficulty, even though you tried everything you could think of to provide help for him. Sounds like this was something intrinsic within him and certainly not your fault. Only a good and responsible parent would work this hard seeking improvement. You have every right to want a better life for you and your spouse and ya know what, by seeking a better life without turmoil, you are actually demonstrating to your son that you are able to make the hard decisions in life and that you value your own self worth.</p><p></p><p>No doubt you have learned much through this very difficult experience. I know I have. For one, the importance of setting up limits and boundaries and how, when necessary, to detach.</p><p></p><p>All of this is very difficult, but an absolute necessity.</p><p></p><p>In time, it will get easier. He says you were a bad mom simply because he doesn't want to look at himself. It's all nonsense.</p><p></p><p>At 18, the ball is in his court in terms of getting healthier. You might provide mental health services for him if you can afford it, he's willing to accept it, he actually will go and you have proof that he is going, etc. However, he has to do the hard work....not you. And if he doesn't want it...just let it go. You can not force him to go. Perhaps in time he'll see it differently.</p><p></p><p>I agree with the other poster...chose joy. If this gets too difficult for you, if you are not doing so already, consider seeing a counselor for yourself.</p><p></p><p>Figure out what you like to do and simply DO IT. Nurture your relationship with your spouse and turn this pain over to your Higher Power. Put this all in the distant background and move forward. You want a future and you can have one...a GOOD one!</p><p></p><p><a href="http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #315771">Developing Detachment | LIVESTRONG.COM</span></a></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 500950"] (((hugs))) Yes, we do understand. I have a difficult child daughter that has a very difficult diagnosis. We've had about 20 years of on and off (mostly on) craziness. The last few months (knock on woood and crossing myself) seems to be slightly better. Our son is easy child, but we had one very difficult year with him. Today he is doing extraordinarily well. Your son is 18 years old and you said that you've had 10 years or more of difficulty, even though you tried everything you could think of to provide help for him. Sounds like this was something intrinsic within him and certainly not your fault. Only a good and responsible parent would work this hard seeking improvement. You have every right to want a better life for you and your spouse and ya know what, by seeking a better life without turmoil, you are actually demonstrating to your son that you are able to make the hard decisions in life and that you value your own self worth. No doubt you have learned much through this very difficult experience. I know I have. For one, the importance of setting up limits and boundaries and how, when necessary, to detach. All of this is very difficult, but an absolute necessity. In time, it will get easier. He says you were a bad mom simply because he doesn't want to look at himself. It's all nonsense. At 18, the ball is in his court in terms of getting healthier. You might provide mental health services for him if you can afford it, he's willing to accept it, he actually will go and you have proof that he is going, etc. However, he has to do the hard work....not you. And if he doesn't want it...just let it go. You can not force him to go. Perhaps in time he'll see it differently. I agree with the other poster...chose joy. If this gets too difficult for you, if you are not doing so already, consider seeing a counselor for yourself. Figure out what you like to do and simply DO IT. Nurture your relationship with your spouse and turn this pain over to your Higher Power. Put this all in the distant background and move forward. You want a future and you can have one...a GOOD one! [URL="http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/"][COLOR=#315771]Developing Detachment | LIVESTRONG.COM[/COLOR][/URL] [/QUOTE]
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