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<blockquote data-quote="Tiredof33" data-source="post: 500966" data-attributes="member: 13558"><p>I know completely how bad it hurts and how frustrating it is to see them throw away their lives, and try to take you down with him. Your story sounds like mine, except I was a single parent. difficult child was given too many chances and tough love just made him more defiant. I tried every treatment I could afford.</p><p></p><p> He not only stole everything from me he helped his friends steal from me too. It was embarrassing when he stole the candy he was supposed to be selling for band and the money he was supposed to turn in. He was always trying to move his other problem friends in with us. Gave them my keys to steal my car.</p><p></p><p>My difficult child told me he hated me and sometimes now I believe he still does. No contact with his father and I think he blames me for that too.</p><p></p><p>They lie and they are manipulative, very much 'me' people. My difficult child is 33 now and for 3 years I think he was turning his life around. He apologized and said he was a bad kid and he was sorry for everything he had done. He had been working and in an auto program. He had a deal with an auto shop that he had a job the day he graduated from the course if he agreed to stay for 2 years. It was all he talked about for the entire year when he would call me.</p><p></p><p>Two weeks into the job he calls me and he has met the woman of his dreams and they are moving closer to her mother. He has quit the job and he is looking for part time work. They are both going to college. For the first year they worked part time jobs and went to school. He is on the deans list and will graduate with honors.</p><p></p><p>I have only met her one time and I had to give them money to get back home. They went to a concert 2 states away and some story about a mix up with the hotel blah, blah, blah. The 36 yo girl stayed on the cell the entire time arguing with everyone. I was happy to see them go and happy we lived about 5 hours away. </p><p></p><p>THEN I started receiving emails asking for money from her. I ignored her requests and she calls me on my cell cussing me out. When I would not fight with her she started sending nasty emails to my daughter, they have never met. She seems to love drama.</p><p></p><p>They had a fight and he was telling me he was homeless and couldn't find a job, he said he was never going back to 'neverland' (drugs), he only wanted to go to school to get a good job. I was sending him money and trying to think of a way to tell him that he has to find a job that I can't support him, I'm retired. But I don't want to crush him when he is trying so hard.</p><p></p><p>Two weeks ago the witch started calling me at 6AM leaving nasty messages about he was going to comitt suicide and it was all my fault and other mean stuff, the girl has a very nasty mouth!</p><p></p><p>I call the police in her town and they go to her house. All thatGFG has told me to guilt me into giving him money is LIES. He is living with her at her mothers and both of them seem to think at 33 and 33 yo they can go to school full time and me support them.</p><p></p><p>I call the mother (the police gave me a number to leave her a message) she says they fight a lot he threatens suicide and goes to a friends house down the block, go out a lot, but they are both in school and making good grades. BUT she also says she has found a drug pipe.</p><p></p><p>Someone hacked into my computer and was sending my emails to girlfriend and she was cussing me out that I was spamming her. difficult child leaves a message that I was f***** up for doing this. Now who in their right mind would be send their personal info to this psycho witch!</p><p></p><p>I am very hurt that once again I fell for his lies, but I wanted with all of my heart to believe it was all in the past. I know he was the one that hacked into my computer and I changed all accounts and bought a new computer (mine was old anyway).</p><p></p><p>I found and excellent book online 'When Our Adult Kids Dissapoint Us' and read the posts on this forum. Many good suggests here for books.</p><p></p><p>The bottom line is we can't fix them or make them do anything unless they want to do it. I felt so much guilt and I tried so very hard. They know what buttons to push and they are immature.</p><p></p><p>I hope my long story helps you to know that you are not alone. AND he may never change, but you must accept that and look at the good in your life and have a life. I had put mine on hold for many years waiting for him to grow into a self supporting and non drug using individual. The book is sad but a big help in getting over the guilt.</p><p></p><p>I came to the realization that I will never have the relationship with difficult child that I had always dreamed, but he has made his choices. difficult child, girlie, and her mother all know that if she ever contacts me again I will press charges. Girlie is controlling and very possessive and they are not good for each other at all.</p><p></p><p>Love yourself and protect yourself. As I keep reading, we have to let them learn from their mistakes, as hard as that is we must do it!</p><p></p><p>I pray and mediate a lot and go to the gym, find some hobbies. I wish you and yours the very best.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiredof33, post: 500966, member: 13558"] I know completely how bad it hurts and how frustrating it is to see them throw away their lives, and try to take you down with him. Your story sounds like mine, except I was a single parent. difficult child was given too many chances and tough love just made him more defiant. I tried every treatment I could afford. He not only stole everything from me he helped his friends steal from me too. It was embarrassing when he stole the candy he was supposed to be selling for band and the money he was supposed to turn in. He was always trying to move his other problem friends in with us. Gave them my keys to steal my car. My difficult child told me he hated me and sometimes now I believe he still does. No contact with his father and I think he blames me for that too. They lie and they are manipulative, very much 'me' people. My difficult child is 33 now and for 3 years I think he was turning his life around. He apologized and said he was a bad kid and he was sorry for everything he had done. He had been working and in an auto program. He had a deal with an auto shop that he had a job the day he graduated from the course if he agreed to stay for 2 years. It was all he talked about for the entire year when he would call me. Two weeks into the job he calls me and he has met the woman of his dreams and they are moving closer to her mother. He has quit the job and he is looking for part time work. They are both going to college. For the first year they worked part time jobs and went to school. He is on the deans list and will graduate with honors. I have only met her one time and I had to give them money to get back home. They went to a concert 2 states away and some story about a mix up with the hotel blah, blah, blah. The 36 yo girl stayed on the cell the entire time arguing with everyone. I was happy to see them go and happy we lived about 5 hours away. THEN I started receiving emails asking for money from her. I ignored her requests and she calls me on my cell cussing me out. When I would not fight with her she started sending nasty emails to my daughter, they have never met. She seems to love drama. They had a fight and he was telling me he was homeless and couldn't find a job, he said he was never going back to 'neverland' (drugs), he only wanted to go to school to get a good job. I was sending him money and trying to think of a way to tell him that he has to find a job that I can't support him, I'm retired. But I don't want to crush him when he is trying so hard. Two weeks ago the witch started calling me at 6AM leaving nasty messages about he was going to comitt suicide and it was all my fault and other mean stuff, the girl has a very nasty mouth! I call the police in her town and they go to her house. All thatGFG has told me to guilt me into giving him money is LIES. He is living with her at her mothers and both of them seem to think at 33 and 33 yo they can go to school full time and me support them. I call the mother (the police gave me a number to leave her a message) she says they fight a lot he threatens suicide and goes to a friends house down the block, go out a lot, but they are both in school and making good grades. BUT she also says she has found a drug pipe. Someone hacked into my computer and was sending my emails to girlfriend and she was cussing me out that I was spamming her. difficult child leaves a message that I was f***** up for doing this. Now who in their right mind would be send their personal info to this psycho witch! I am very hurt that once again I fell for his lies, but I wanted with all of my heart to believe it was all in the past. I know he was the one that hacked into my computer and I changed all accounts and bought a new computer (mine was old anyway). I found and excellent book online 'When Our Adult Kids Dissapoint Us' and read the posts on this forum. Many good suggests here for books. The bottom line is we can't fix them or make them do anything unless they want to do it. I felt so much guilt and I tried so very hard. They know what buttons to push and they are immature. I hope my long story helps you to know that you are not alone. AND he may never change, but you must accept that and look at the good in your life and have a life. I had put mine on hold for many years waiting for him to grow into a self supporting and non drug using individual. The book is sad but a big help in getting over the guilt. I came to the realization that I will never have the relationship with difficult child that I had always dreamed, but he has made his choices. difficult child, girlie, and her mother all know that if she ever contacts me again I will press charges. Girlie is controlling and very possessive and they are not good for each other at all. Love yourself and protect yourself. As I keep reading, we have to let them learn from their mistakes, as hard as that is we must do it! I pray and mediate a lot and go to the gym, find some hobbies. I wish you and yours the very best. [/QUOTE]
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