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I Want You Out of My Life
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 598272" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I wouldn't turn off the phone, but the money would be over. It was his decision to leave, he can come back if he follows your rules. He is just mad that he can't make you lie for him so he is using emotional blackmail. Don't ever let him do that to you or he'll use it on you all the time to get what he wants. He is already in legal trouble and likely if anyone is paying for a lawyer for him (you check their prices lately?) is really being duped my him and will get burned. </p><p></p><p>In the meantime, because it has been helping me so much, I recommend going to an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting, even if you don't want to speak and/or are not religious. It's about the support, really, and the reminders to us to take good care of ourselves because we can't control our loved one's choices. </p><p></p><p>I was close to the breaking point with a 35 year old son who has not yet learned how to behave toward others, especially me when he believes I will put up with his meanness. You don't want to be doing this dance when your son is 35. Not saying you will, but 35 is partly so disrespectful to me because I let him get away with it when he was growing up and as a teenager. He has been a lot more civil to me since I told him the three rules he had to abide by if he wanted to have a conversation with me: 1/no yelling 2/no swearing directly at me (swear words are ok) 3/He absolutely can not call me any names or verbally assault me in any way. He has also threatened to never speak to me again and for reasons I can't get into in this post (and you may know) it was freaking me out. Now I just say calmly, "I can't control your choices." He hates it, but oh well. I can't!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 598272, member: 1550"] I wouldn't turn off the phone, but the money would be over. It was his decision to leave, he can come back if he follows your rules. He is just mad that he can't make you lie for him so he is using emotional blackmail. Don't ever let him do that to you or he'll use it on you all the time to get what he wants. He is already in legal trouble and likely if anyone is paying for a lawyer for him (you check their prices lately?) is really being duped my him and will get burned. In the meantime, because it has been helping me so much, I recommend going to an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting, even if you don't want to speak and/or are not religious. It's about the support, really, and the reminders to us to take good care of ourselves because we can't control our loved one's choices. I was close to the breaking point with a 35 year old son who has not yet learned how to behave toward others, especially me when he believes I will put up with his meanness. You don't want to be doing this dance when your son is 35. Not saying you will, but 35 is partly so disrespectful to me because I let him get away with it when he was growing up and as a teenager. He has been a lot more civil to me since I told him the three rules he had to abide by if he wanted to have a conversation with me: 1/no yelling 2/no swearing directly at me (swear words are ok) 3/He absolutely can not call me any names or verbally assault me in any way. He has also threatened to never speak to me again and for reasons I can't get into in this post (and you may know) it was freaking me out. Now I just say calmly, "I can't control your choices." He hates it, but oh well. I can't!!! [/QUOTE]
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