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I Want You Out of My Life
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 598674" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Witzend......</p><p></p><p>Hi, I've not been here for a while but I try to keep in the know. No matter how long you're gone from situations like yours with your son however; the players and the game never seem to change. You want your son to love you, or at least admit you exist, you don't understand why he doesn't, you'll do anything short of standing out if front of a bus to get his attention, and most of all it hurts so bad, you keep upping the ante, and the rewards to try to win his most meager of interest in your life. </p><p></p><p>I wish you could see by a show of hands how many people I talk to every day that tell me (not in those words) but in words like yours - I pay for his phone, I send him money, I would let him live here, He's living where HE wants to, He doesn't respect me, I can't get him to text me, He talks to me like I'm dirt - that cry from their soul and hurt sincerely like you do - and their children? Are in their 30's, 40's, 50's. A lot of them sure are in their 10's, teens, 20's.....which to some? Seems "almost normal" - because we tend to EXCUSE the behaviors because they are "young" - but I asked my son recently WHT does your age have to do with MY RESPECT? WHT does age have to do with respecting how you talk to ANYONE? How you TREAT anyone? Give me a reason.....one solid reason - and I'll listen to you all night. You have the floor. Why are you so angry? What are you running from? When I asked these questions they made him angry. Which is fine....you have a right to be angry - all day long.....you do NOT have the right to be disrespectful to me - I've never been disrespectful to you. I've never lied to you. I've done the best I could for you and when it was NOT the right thing because I didn't know any better at that TIME? I sought out the people to HELP ME.....do better for myself so I COULD do better for you. SO tell me HOW did I fail YOU? You don't get that right to talk to me like I'm dirt. </p><p></p><p>So when my son told me - I don't want you in my life? I said FINE.......packed his junk in a bag and put him on a train......and he left. I didn't talk to him for nearly 5 or 6 months. Did it hurt? Yup. He's been gone 5 years and he made some WHOPPER mistakes. But who made them? HE did. Who's paying for them? HE is. Who did he think......was going to fix them? WOW I don't know - you wanted me OUT OF YOUR LIFE....so YOU fix them. STAND ON YOUR OWN TWO FEET.....you're a man now. I'm not going to be one of those women that call (where I work) and listen to them sound like total (type bad word here) about their sons living at home while they---------bail them out of jail......try to find their car because their son was driving DUI.....(really lady he was driving drunk - could have KILLED MY FAMILY and you want to bail him out and go GET HIS CAR?????? (insert bad word here)....and BRING HIM HOME........?????) where does he work? Oh he's not working????? So what money are you using to bail him out with? WOW (insert another bad word here) EVERY day.....100 times a day - and I work with some hard nosed men.....that get off the phone and say (what a nincompoop) but they're right. KEEP BAILING HIM OUT LADY HE's REALLY LEARNING a lesson. And then they want the police to fix it for them......OH he's 40 and a drunk and a drug addict and he just broke into a store,......well maybe he wouldn't have if you had let him have some hard knocks and figure it out when he was in his teens before it was too late ........and the damages and price gets too high. </p><p></p><p>I hate to sound like a thunderstorm.......but consider if he messes up now.........at 18......he hasn't started his life......his time would teach him a lesson......his time away from you would teach him - O.M.G. I told my MOTHER TO GET OUT OF MY LIFE (am I A MORON OR WHAT) 00000 I don't have her on a leash at my beck and call.........and I messed up and she's NOT going to come fix it......so he has to stand on his own legs....and if he were to go to jail??????? Jail is not comfortable.....and it's not fun....and they make it so you DO NOT want to come back. If he were to go now? He may learn a life lesson or two and start treating you with respect that you WANT.. If you keep checking up on his FB page? You're going to get ulcers. FB is for THEIR generation..........LET IT GO. Get off of reading his diary. He said get out of his life.......DO IT. And do it all the way. </p><p>And if you haven't gotten yourself into therapy to HELP YOURSELF KNOW how to walk away from this person?????? Do that too. I highly recommend it to give you strength because in doing it for yourself YOU DO HELP YOUR SON. It worked for me. It does not happen overnight......IT takes YEARS.......but in the mean time - it gets your head and your heart and your BS-ometer in the right world. And you get and gain RESPECT. Not only from your son - but for YOURSELF. And trust me once you get YOUR groove back on......DARE someone to talk to you like your son does.. Your BODY language is so right -----it doesn't happen often and when it does you are so at peace it's like water off a ducks back - because you know who you are and what you will and wont stand for. </p><p></p><p>As far as keeping the phone on or off? That's got to be from your Mom heart. I can already tell you're not ready to turn it off.......so leave it on and stop fretting over it. Done deal. Therapy also makes you stronger in the decision making department. You won't be ....oh should I .......shouldn't I.......you MAKE decisions based on whats BEST for you. That itself was worth the cost of admission to me. </p><p>Hugs & Love </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 598674, member: 4964"] Witzend...... Hi, I've not been here for a while but I try to keep in the know. No matter how long you're gone from situations like yours with your son however; the players and the game never seem to change. You want your son to love you, or at least admit you exist, you don't understand why he doesn't, you'll do anything short of standing out if front of a bus to get his attention, and most of all it hurts so bad, you keep upping the ante, and the rewards to try to win his most meager of interest in your life. I wish you could see by a show of hands how many people I talk to every day that tell me (not in those words) but in words like yours - I pay for his phone, I send him money, I would let him live here, He's living where HE wants to, He doesn't respect me, I can't get him to text me, He talks to me like I'm dirt - that cry from their soul and hurt sincerely like you do - and their children? Are in their 30's, 40's, 50's. A lot of them sure are in their 10's, teens, 20's.....which to some? Seems "almost normal" - because we tend to EXCUSE the behaviors because they are "young" - but I asked my son recently WHT does your age have to do with MY RESPECT? WHT does age have to do with respecting how you talk to ANYONE? How you TREAT anyone? Give me a reason.....one solid reason - and I'll listen to you all night. You have the floor. Why are you so angry? What are you running from? When I asked these questions they made him angry. Which is fine....you have a right to be angry - all day long.....you do NOT have the right to be disrespectful to me - I've never been disrespectful to you. I've never lied to you. I've done the best I could for you and when it was NOT the right thing because I didn't know any better at that TIME? I sought out the people to HELP ME.....do better for myself so I COULD do better for you. SO tell me HOW did I fail YOU? You don't get that right to talk to me like I'm dirt. So when my son told me - I don't want you in my life? I said FINE.......packed his junk in a bag and put him on a train......and he left. I didn't talk to him for nearly 5 or 6 months. Did it hurt? Yup. He's been gone 5 years and he made some WHOPPER mistakes. But who made them? HE did. Who's paying for them? HE is. Who did he think......was going to fix them? WOW I don't know - you wanted me OUT OF YOUR LIFE....so YOU fix them. STAND ON YOUR OWN TWO FEET.....you're a man now. I'm not going to be one of those women that call (where I work) and listen to them sound like total (type bad word here) about their sons living at home while they---------bail them out of jail......try to find their car because their son was driving DUI.....(really lady he was driving drunk - could have KILLED MY FAMILY and you want to bail him out and go GET HIS CAR?????? (insert bad word here)....and BRING HIM HOME........?????) where does he work? Oh he's not working????? So what money are you using to bail him out with? WOW (insert another bad word here) EVERY day.....100 times a day - and I work with some hard nosed men.....that get off the phone and say (what a nincompoop) but they're right. KEEP BAILING HIM OUT LADY HE's REALLY LEARNING a lesson. And then they want the police to fix it for them......OH he's 40 and a drunk and a drug addict and he just broke into a store,......well maybe he wouldn't have if you had let him have some hard knocks and figure it out when he was in his teens before it was too late ........and the damages and price gets too high. I hate to sound like a thunderstorm.......but consider if he messes up now.........at 18......he hasn't started his life......his time would teach him a lesson......his time away from you would teach him - O.M.G. I told my MOTHER TO GET OUT OF MY LIFE (am I A MORON OR WHAT) 00000 I don't have her on a leash at my beck and call.........and I messed up and she's NOT going to come fix it......so he has to stand on his own legs....and if he were to go to jail??????? Jail is not comfortable.....and it's not fun....and they make it so you DO NOT want to come back. If he were to go now? He may learn a life lesson or two and start treating you with respect that you WANT.. If you keep checking up on his FB page? You're going to get ulcers. FB is for THEIR generation..........LET IT GO. Get off of reading his diary. He said get out of his life.......DO IT. And do it all the way. And if you haven't gotten yourself into therapy to HELP YOURSELF KNOW how to walk away from this person?????? Do that too. I highly recommend it to give you strength because in doing it for yourself YOU DO HELP YOUR SON. It worked for me. It does not happen overnight......IT takes YEARS.......but in the mean time - it gets your head and your heart and your BS-ometer in the right world. And you get and gain RESPECT. Not only from your son - but for YOURSELF. And trust me once you get YOUR groove back on......DARE someone to talk to you like your son does.. Your BODY language is so right -----it doesn't happen often and when it does you are so at peace it's like water off a ducks back - because you know who you are and what you will and wont stand for. As far as keeping the phone on or off? That's got to be from your Mom heart. I can already tell you're not ready to turn it off.......so leave it on and stop fretting over it. Done deal. Therapy also makes you stronger in the decision making department. You won't be ....oh should I .......shouldn't I.......you MAKE decisions based on whats BEST for you. That itself was worth the cost of admission to me. Hugs & Love Star [/QUOTE]
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