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I was full of dookie, back to "fun" times at my house, again...
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 333745" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>It is SO HARD to live with a difficult child, esp in the teen years. Timer is right - now you have to start expecting better from him and giving consequences if he does not meet them. Sometimes if you act like they CAN behave better they do for a while. </p><p></p><p>The trick is to not let yourself feel bad that they are in trouble. If they CHOOSE to misbehave then they need motivation to make better choices. Their behavior is largely a CHOICE and you have to try to see it that way. </p><p></p><p>If you get an out of the home placement it is time to be thankful he may get the help he needs so that he can be a productive member of society. It is very difficult emotionally to ahve your son placed out of your home. been there done that twice. </p><p></p><p>You DO have to think about what is best for the entire family, not just difficult child. It is more like the theory of system optimization. If you have a system comprised of A, B, C, and D that all work together and you put all your time and attention into part C then part C will be the best it can be. Parts A, B and D will be neglected and will run poorly. Then the entire system may break down. </p><p></p><p>If you divide your attention between the 4 parts and concentrate on what each part needs to work in tandem then the whole system will run well. No part will be at 100% but together they can surpass what they could do with any one part.</p><p></p><p>In your home if all the attention and effort go into making/helping difficult child to do the best that he can then the family will fall apart. So you need to figure out how to make the whole family more functional. If that means sending difficult child to a placement out of your home, well that is what it will take.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry that so many things have failed to help your family. I hope you find a way to help everyone feel more hopeful and for the family to function better as a whole.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 333745, member: 1233"] It is SO HARD to live with a difficult child, esp in the teen years. Timer is right - now you have to start expecting better from him and giving consequences if he does not meet them. Sometimes if you act like they CAN behave better they do for a while. The trick is to not let yourself feel bad that they are in trouble. If they CHOOSE to misbehave then they need motivation to make better choices. Their behavior is largely a CHOICE and you have to try to see it that way. If you get an out of the home placement it is time to be thankful he may get the help he needs so that he can be a productive member of society. It is very difficult emotionally to ahve your son placed out of your home. been there done that twice. You DO have to think about what is best for the entire family, not just difficult child. It is more like the theory of system optimization. If you have a system comprised of A, B, C, and D that all work together and you put all your time and attention into part C then part C will be the best it can be. Parts A, B and D will be neglected and will run poorly. Then the entire system may break down. If you divide your attention between the 4 parts and concentrate on what each part needs to work in tandem then the whole system will run well. No part will be at 100% but together they can surpass what they could do with any one part. In your home if all the attention and effort go into making/helping difficult child to do the best that he can then the family will fall apart. So you need to figure out how to make the whole family more functional. If that means sending difficult child to a placement out of your home, well that is what it will take. I am sorry that so many things have failed to help your family. I hope you find a way to help everyone feel more hopeful and for the family to function better as a whole. [/QUOTE]
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I was full of dookie, back to "fun" times at my house, again...
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