Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I wish..
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 626902" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Momjane, I wanted to write you more, as I understand where you are and how awful it is. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You aren't. You never were. Don't get your story confused with theirs. I know I have been a very good mother. Not a perfect mother, but a very good one. That isn't the problem with my difficult child. He is a drug addict and that is the root problem. His behavior, choices, actions and lifestyle flow from that. He can't help being a drug addict---that is a genetic (in his case) and a physiological fact. It's in his DNA and hard-wired. What he can help is this: choosing recovery. Choosing rehab. Choosing to work hard every single day for the rest of his life to stay off drugs and other substances. So far, he has not made that choice. That is on him. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I believe they don't respect us anymore when we continue to give and give and enable and enable. It's almost like they are saying (with their angry, abusive words): I despise what you are doing to me. At the same time, they are taking and pushing and begging with the other hand: give me, give me, give me. This is all the disease talking---all mental illness talking---not the good person that is hidden deep inside. And it's not about us. The sooner we learn that, the better off we will be. We're just the last man standing. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Can you not give it to him? If you can find a way not to, don't. Even if you have said you will give it to him, you can change your mind at any time. "I changed my mind." </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You will if you work for it. It is here for all of us, but it takes time and hard work. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, that is so, so true. I sometimes think death would be less painful, because it is over. This is never over, it seems, and it only gets worse and worse in my difficult child's case. Is this what prisoners of war feel like? I know we have talked here on this forum about suffering from PTSD. I believe that is true. I believe I have. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It does not have to be. It truly does not. You will need to make choices, and decisions, and assemble tools, and then devote the time to your evolution as a new person. But you can do it. It is possible. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>If this is true, this is a very good day for you. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yep. That has to happen, and at first, even the idea of distance from your very own precious child is unthinkable. We have to be completely sick and tired of our lives before we can entertain these ideas that seem so foreign to us. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You and I and all of us have always had control, but we didn't know it for a long, long time. We couldn't see it. We couldn't claim it. Every person on this earth---adult---has control that he or she can and should exercise over their own lives. Unless you are truly disabled in body or mind, we each can chart our own course, and that includes us and our difficult children. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there. We know what you are going through because we have been through it too. There is peace and hope ahead. </p><p></p><p>Hugs and prayers for you and your difficult child tonight.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 626902, member: 17542"] Momjane, I wanted to write you more, as I understand where you are and how awful it is. You aren't. You never were. Don't get your story confused with theirs. I know I have been a very good mother. Not a perfect mother, but a very good one. That isn't the problem with my difficult child. He is a drug addict and that is the root problem. His behavior, choices, actions and lifestyle flow from that. He can't help being a drug addict---that is a genetic (in his case) and a physiological fact. It's in his DNA and hard-wired. What he can help is this: choosing recovery. Choosing rehab. Choosing to work hard every single day for the rest of his life to stay off drugs and other substances. So far, he has not made that choice. That is on him. I believe they don't respect us anymore when we continue to give and give and enable and enable. It's almost like they are saying (with their angry, abusive words): I despise what you are doing to me. At the same time, they are taking and pushing and begging with the other hand: give me, give me, give me. This is all the disease talking---all mental illness talking---not the good person that is hidden deep inside. And it's not about us. The sooner we learn that, the better off we will be. We're just the last man standing. Can you not give it to him? If you can find a way not to, don't. Even if you have said you will give it to him, you can change your mind at any time. "I changed my mind." You will if you work for it. It is here for all of us, but it takes time and hard work. Yes, that is so, so true. I sometimes think death would be less painful, because it is over. This is never over, it seems, and it only gets worse and worse in my difficult child's case. Is this what prisoners of war feel like? I know we have talked here on this forum about suffering from PTSD. I believe that is true. I believe I have. It does not have to be. It truly does not. You will need to make choices, and decisions, and assemble tools, and then devote the time to your evolution as a new person. But you can do it. It is possible. If this is true, this is a very good day for you. Yep. That has to happen, and at first, even the idea of distance from your very own precious child is unthinkable. We have to be completely sick and tired of our lives before we can entertain these ideas that seem so foreign to us. It doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't. You and I and all of us have always had control, but we didn't know it for a long, long time. We couldn't see it. We couldn't claim it. Every person on this earth---adult---has control that he or she can and should exercise over their own lives. Unless you are truly disabled in body or mind, we each can chart our own course, and that includes us and our difficult children. Hang in there. We know what you are going through because we have been through it too. There is peace and hope ahead. Hugs and prayers for you and your difficult child tonight. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I wish..
Top