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I'd like to talk about acceptance
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 626251" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>COM, I believe they can, and do. This is the cloud and the silver lining you posted about some time back. It is radical acceptance (the cloud) and it is faith in the silver lining ~ that, whether we can ever understand it or not, there is a purpose here.</p><p></p><p>WE DON'T HAVE TO GET IT.</p><p></p><p>I struggled so hard with this after my daughter's beating. Time after time, the ongoing horror of it would just stop me.</p><p></p><p>There was nowhere to turn; there was nothing. Either she would die, or she would not. Either the mental and physical deficits would resolve, or they would not. Every day, every night for something like five months, I could not put those pieces together. I could not figure out a "why" for this one. (As so many of us do, I blamed myself for what happened to our family. As I got healthier, I blamed the kids for what they did to themselves as much as I blamed myself.)</p><p></p><p>I could put the pieces together. I could name what happened to us, could name why I suffered.</p><p></p><p>But this last time COM, there was no sense to be made of it. I could not find solid ground. It became a crisis of faith. A crisis of hope. A crisis of every belief system I held. It was at that time that you posted about the cloud and the silver lining. I have never forgotten that. I don't imagine I ever will. It kept me going, that imagery of unknown purpose.</p><p></p><p>It was very dark.</p><p></p><p>Vengeance, immorality ~ what did anything matter? Nothing made sense.</p><p></p><p>And then...forgiveness hit. And I mean it "hit". I was thinking vengeful thoughts about the male who beat difficult child. Imagining what it would be like when I went to his trial. And I realized...under the rage there was such pain, such limitless sadness for him, for difficult child, for all of us.</p><p></p><p>And I forgave him.</p><p></p><p>Without meaning to.</p><p></p><p>I have never felt anything like it in my life.</p><p></p><p>That is why I say there is nothing we can do. There is nothing we have to do. There is no one who can do it for us. There is no way to stop it, unless we choose hatred.</p><p></p><p>And we won't. We would not be here, if we were the kind of people who are comfortable with hatred in any of its myriad forms.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 626251, member: 17461"] COM, I believe they can, and do. This is the cloud and the silver lining you posted about some time back. It is radical acceptance (the cloud) and it is faith in the silver lining ~ that, whether we can ever understand it or not, there is a purpose here. WE DON'T HAVE TO GET IT. I struggled so hard with this after my daughter's beating. Time after time, the ongoing horror of it would just stop me. There was nowhere to turn; there was nothing. Either she would die, or she would not. Either the mental and physical deficits would resolve, or they would not. Every day, every night for something like five months, I could not put those pieces together. I could not figure out a "why" for this one. (As so many of us do, I blamed myself for what happened to our family. As I got healthier, I blamed the kids for what they did to themselves as much as I blamed myself.) I could put the pieces together. I could name what happened to us, could name why I suffered. But this last time COM, there was no sense to be made of it. I could not find solid ground. It became a crisis of faith. A crisis of hope. A crisis of every belief system I held. It was at that time that you posted about the cloud and the silver lining. I have never forgotten that. I don't imagine I ever will. It kept me going, that imagery of unknown purpose. It was very dark. Vengeance, immorality ~ what did anything matter? Nothing made sense. And then...forgiveness hit. And I mean it "hit". I was thinking vengeful thoughts about the male who beat difficult child. Imagining what it would be like when I went to his trial. And I realized...under the rage there was such pain, such limitless sadness for him, for difficult child, for all of us. And I forgave him. Without meaning to. I have never felt anything like it in my life. That is why I say there is nothing we can do. There is nothing we have to do. There is no one who can do it for us. There is no way to stop it, unless we choose hatred. And we won't. We would not be here, if we were the kind of people who are comfortable with hatred in any of its myriad forms. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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