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I'd like to talk about acceptance
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 626262" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Yes. That is the crazy-making, hopelessness of it. After so many times, we no longer believe in hope, no longer believe they can change, or that they want to. We begin to get it that it is the consequences of their own choices our children want so desperately not to pay.</p><p></p><p>But they will choose the same actions, sooner or later, every time.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is beautiful imagery, Janet. So perfect a description of what this feels like. Who could have been prepared for this Perfect Storm. Yet, we step out into it to save them so many times that we find we have lived our lives in a storm not of our making.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think it is a genetic thing. Seriously. I think it is coded into our DNA that we are mothers first until our children are safely raised, are capable of surviving without our input.</p><p></p><p>Realistically, this should occur (basically) around puberty. After that, it should be a matter of moral teaching, of helping the nearly adult child establish a home base for themselves.</p><p></p><p>Our children are still self destructing.</p><p></p><p>We cannot let go.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>True.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>In my heart, I am celebrating for and with you, Daze. Defiantly, almost savagely, I am cheering you, cheering all of us, on.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This helped me: My daughter tells me she is "adventuring". She is having adventures. If she survives, she considers the experience to have been of a higher quality than a life spent "small". Hitchhiking, violence, desertion ~ all these things she has done for the sake of adventuring, for the sake of "living large".</p><p></p><p>That seems to be a common theme with our difficult child kids. That concept that being shackled into a normal life is "small".</p><p></p><p>Great thread.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 626262, member: 17461"] Yes. That is the crazy-making, hopelessness of it. After so many times, we no longer believe in hope, no longer believe they can change, or that they want to. We begin to get it that it is the consequences of their own choices our children want so desperately not to pay. But they will choose the same actions, sooner or later, every time. This is beautiful imagery, Janet. So perfect a description of what this feels like. Who could have been prepared for this Perfect Storm. Yet, we step out into it to save them so many times that we find we have lived our lives in a storm not of our making. I think it is a genetic thing. Seriously. I think it is coded into our DNA that we are mothers first until our children are safely raised, are capable of surviving without our input. Realistically, this should occur (basically) around puberty. After that, it should be a matter of moral teaching, of helping the nearly adult child establish a home base for themselves. Our children are still self destructing. We cannot let go. True. In my heart, I am celebrating for and with you, Daze. Defiantly, almost savagely, I am cheering you, cheering all of us, on. This helped me: My daughter tells me she is "adventuring". She is having adventures. If she survives, she considers the experience to have been of a higher quality than a life spent "small". Hitchhiking, violence, desertion ~ all these things she has done for the sake of adventuring, for the sake of "living large". That seems to be a common theme with our difficult child kids. That concept that being shackled into a normal life is "small". Great thread. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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I'd like to talk about acceptance
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