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I'd like to talk about acceptance
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 626333" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>And my son is now nearly 25 (two months from now). When is he old enough? At what age do we say, we're done? </p><p></p><p>Several years ago, my sweet mother said I was rushing him too fast to grow up. She said kids these days take longer than they used to. I remember feeling completely exhausted on hearing those words from her. I feel like I have been raising difficult child forever, and he never gets raised. </p><p></p><p>I would agree with what my mother said, though, and I am sure there are multiple reasons why. One is that many were treated as "too precious" children. I know I treated my sons that way. There were two of them and two of us. We should have had three kids---then I don't believe I COULD have over-focused on them both so much.</p><p></p><p>But that is not why my son is a drug addict. My overprotectiveness and enabling did not make that happen. I do feel like my overprotectiveness has contributed to his aberrant behavior and continual pushing on me to make things happen in his life. That's because I ran interference for years. I taught him that. </p><p></p><p>Today, my dear sister has her 28-year-old son living at her house, still, and her 23-year-old daughter. They are SLOWLY moving out of the nest, and one reason for the delay is that my sister and her husband have made it very possible and attractive for them to stay. It's not good for any of them, and I hope it will change soon, but that's their deal.</p><p></p><p>I agree with Witz here. I think we don't like to feel cold and harsh and draw a line in the sand with our adult children, but sometimes maybe that is what is needed. </p><p></p><p>I am slowly moving into a new place to stand called accepting what is, and recognizing that things are not likely to change. I am no longer expecting and hoping and waiting every day for difficult child to change. I want that to be my state of mind. </p><p></p><p>He still can change of course, and it would be great (beyond great) if that ever happens. But in the meantime, I am going to expect things to stay like they are, realizing they can get worse or better. That is a big shift for me and it feels like it is right to work toward this direction for myself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 626333, member: 17542"] And my son is now nearly 25 (two months from now). When is he old enough? At what age do we say, we're done? Several years ago, my sweet mother said I was rushing him too fast to grow up. She said kids these days take longer than they used to. I remember feeling completely exhausted on hearing those words from her. I feel like I have been raising difficult child forever, and he never gets raised. I would agree with what my mother said, though, and I am sure there are multiple reasons why. One is that many were treated as "too precious" children. I know I treated my sons that way. There were two of them and two of us. We should have had three kids---then I don't believe I COULD have over-focused on them both so much. But that is not why my son is a drug addict. My overprotectiveness and enabling did not make that happen. I do feel like my overprotectiveness has contributed to his aberrant behavior and continual pushing on me to make things happen in his life. That's because I ran interference for years. I taught him that. Today, my dear sister has her 28-year-old son living at her house, still, and her 23-year-old daughter. They are SLOWLY moving out of the nest, and one reason for the delay is that my sister and her husband have made it very possible and attractive for them to stay. It's not good for any of them, and I hope it will change soon, but that's their deal. I agree with Witz here. I think we don't like to feel cold and harsh and draw a line in the sand with our adult children, but sometimes maybe that is what is needed. I am slowly moving into a new place to stand called accepting what is, and recognizing that things are not likely to change. I am no longer expecting and hoping and waiting every day for difficult child to change. I want that to be my state of mind. He still can change of course, and it would be great (beyond great) if that ever happens. But in the meantime, I am going to expect things to stay like they are, realizing they can get worse or better. That is a big shift for me and it feels like it is right to work toward this direction for myself. [/QUOTE]
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I'd like to talk about acceptance
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