Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I'd like to talk about acceptance
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 626390" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>The last time we helped difficult child daughter and it all fell apart, we felt a less bitter kind of betrayal. Hope...I still have hope that she can reclaim what was lost. Part of that hope is that at some level, some part of me still believes there was not an element of choice involved in this, for difficult child. That she did it again, I mean. That as coldly as I am choosing, now, to pull myself together and survive whatever it was that happened to my family...difficult child chose to go the way she did, betraying her children and herself (and us) to do so.</p><p></p><p>At some level, even today, I am not letting myself see the depths of that betrayal. </p><p></p><p>When I do, and that time is coming, I will be free of it.</p><p></p><p>Finally, free of it.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is fantastic, Recovering.</p><p></p><p>Thank you.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Ok. So that's a boundary issue. Inner peace would come from trusting myself, from believing myself about what I see, about what I think I know. When it comes to my kids, that takes more courage than I have, sometimes. I am learning. Stings, though.</p><p></p><p>And the question becomes how this could all have happened. The answer has to be "It is what it is."</p><p></p><p>It's trying to figure out how it happened and fix it that keeps us trapped.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Oh, this is such a crummy thing to admit, but I think I only love the idea of my kids. I think I do not let myself see (or do not take seriously) the worst things. Just like I rationalized my son's verbally abusive behaviors.</p><p></p><p>All I know to do is to aim for health.</p><p></p><p>I am getting there.</p><p></p><p>I believe most parents never have to let go of their beautiful illusions regarding their children. That is why they call it mother love. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Witz, you hit at the heart of things with this post.</p><p></p><p>It goes back to that thing about mourning something we never had. I do mourn the holidays <em>that were never so perfect as I'd hoped. </em>I mourn all the Hallmark moments I'm missing and etc.</p><p></p><p>Excellent post, Witz. The more times I read through it, the more clearly I see things I only whizzed through, the first few times I read those lines.</p><p></p><p>There is permission there to choose freedom from all of this. The thing is? I wanted, and worked for, so much more.</p><p></p><p>An appropriate part of self kindness may be to discover a ritual to honor myself for each of those times when I wish everything was the way I wanted it to be. Something simple. Maybe, light a candle honoring the beauty of the illusion.</p><p></p><p>After all these years, I know the missing everyone healthy and together ~ especially at the holidays and stupid football games! ~ is not going to go away. Perhaps honoring those feelings, instead of trying to stuff or ridicule them, will allow them to rest easy.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 626390, member: 17461"] The last time we helped difficult child daughter and it all fell apart, we felt a less bitter kind of betrayal. Hope...I still have hope that she can reclaim what was lost. Part of that hope is that at some level, some part of me still believes there was not an element of choice involved in this, for difficult child. That she did it again, I mean. That as coldly as I am choosing, now, to pull myself together and survive whatever it was that happened to my family...difficult child chose to go the way she did, betraying her children and herself (and us) to do so. At some level, even today, I am not letting myself see the depths of that betrayal. When I do, and that time is coming, I will be free of it. Finally, free of it. This is fantastic, Recovering. Thank you. Ok. So that's a boundary issue. Inner peace would come from trusting myself, from believing myself about what I see, about what I think I know. When it comes to my kids, that takes more courage than I have, sometimes. I am learning. Stings, though. And the question becomes how this could all have happened. The answer has to be "It is what it is." It's trying to figure out how it happened and fix it that keeps us trapped. Oh, this is such a crummy thing to admit, but I think I only love the idea of my kids. I think I do not let myself see (or do not take seriously) the worst things. Just like I rationalized my son's verbally abusive behaviors. All I know to do is to aim for health. I am getting there. I believe most parents never have to let go of their beautiful illusions regarding their children. That is why they call it mother love. Witz, you hit at the heart of things with this post. It goes back to that thing about mourning something we never had. I do mourn the holidays [I]that were never so perfect as I'd hoped. [/I]I mourn all the Hallmark moments I'm missing and etc. Excellent post, Witz. The more times I read through it, the more clearly I see things I only whizzed through, the first few times I read those lines. There is permission there to choose freedom from all of this. The thing is? I wanted, and worked for, so much more. An appropriate part of self kindness may be to discover a ritual to honor myself for each of those times when I wish everything was the way I wanted it to be. Something simple. Maybe, light a candle honoring the beauty of the illusion. After all these years, I know the missing everyone healthy and together ~ especially at the holidays and stupid football games! ~ is not going to go away. Perhaps honoring those feelings, instead of trying to stuff or ridicule them, will allow them to rest easy. Cedar [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I'd like to talk about acceptance
Top