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I'd like to talk about acceptance
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 626431" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Pasajes, could you provide more detail regarding the separation process with your PCs? That term "emotional bondage", and the fear that this will occur with this child but that it did not occur with the others...is it possible for you to describe the difference between the kinds of attachment / detachment for easy child and difficult child kids?</p><p></p><p>I had always believed there was some genetic something that prevented us from moving past the mothering stage until the child was capably independent. Is that what you are describing with the term emotional bondage? That kind of weird inability to separate our responsibility to the child that was from our responsibility to the criminal, addicted, or mentally ill adult? </p><p></p><p>Is it possible for you to describe what that process looked like for your easy child kids? I think we might have had that for a time with both our kids. In looking back on it now, I see that there was appreciation for us, there. Sort of just a happy to come home, so happy to see them feeling. There were mates, and a sense of the future. </p><p></p><p>Then things seem to blow up again.</p><p></p><p>Interesting that you should have posted as you did just after Recovering's post about guilt and forgiveness.</p><p></p><p>It would be an incredible thing, if I were able to truly forgive myself for what has happened. Something about that term "emotional bondage" rang so true for me, pasajes.</p><p></p><p>"Long past the time the natural separation of them and us takes place"</p><p></p><p>My tethers would be emotional bonds from two directions ~ from the continuing boundary permeability with my abusive mother, and from the searching-for-a-reason-why-this-happened-and-blaming-and beating-myself up-for-it with my kids. Which somehow, through those permeable boundaries (which you name emotional tethers), works in with the condemnatory mother and the black and white of the perfection piece.</p><p></p><p>If it isn't perfect, it is contemptible, worthless, fraudulent.</p><p></p><p>That belief, that brokenness, would open a vulnerability to my own abusive mother. Which it did. I have posted about it, before. I did not see it as ongoing, but of course, it is.</p><p></p><p>Emotional tether.</p><p></p><p>Incredible imagery. </p><p></p><p>Thank you both.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 626431, member: 17461"] Pasajes, could you provide more detail regarding the separation process with your PCs? That term "emotional bondage", and the fear that this will occur with this child but that it did not occur with the others...is it possible for you to describe the difference between the kinds of attachment / detachment for easy child and difficult child kids? I had always believed there was some genetic something that prevented us from moving past the mothering stage until the child was capably independent. Is that what you are describing with the term emotional bondage? That kind of weird inability to separate our responsibility to the child that was from our responsibility to the criminal, addicted, or mentally ill adult? Is it possible for you to describe what that process looked like for your easy child kids? I think we might have had that for a time with both our kids. In looking back on it now, I see that there was appreciation for us, there. Sort of just a happy to come home, so happy to see them feeling. There were mates, and a sense of the future. Then things seem to blow up again. Interesting that you should have posted as you did just after Recovering's post about guilt and forgiveness. It would be an incredible thing, if I were able to truly forgive myself for what has happened. Something about that term "emotional bondage" rang so true for me, pasajes. "Long past the time the natural separation of them and us takes place" My tethers would be emotional bonds from two directions ~ from the continuing boundary permeability with my abusive mother, and from the searching-for-a-reason-why-this-happened-and-blaming-and beating-myself up-for-it with my kids. Which somehow, through those permeable boundaries (which you name emotional tethers), works in with the condemnatory mother and the black and white of the perfection piece. If it isn't perfect, it is contemptible, worthless, fraudulent. That belief, that brokenness, would open a vulnerability to my own abusive mother. Which it did. I have posted about it, before. I did not see it as ongoing, but of course, it is. Emotional tether. Incredible imagery. Thank you both. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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I'd like to talk about acceptance
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