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I'd like to talk about acceptance
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 626433" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Cedar, that sounds like the crux, the root of what many of us feel. I think that is a fallacy. Certainly one promoted by society and our own sense of parental responsibility, duty or guilt, but that doesn't make it real. </p><p></p><p> Truthfully, I don't feel that anymore. I think that thinking is false. I believe there is a '<em>season'</em> to parenting, a time, an experience we are granted to help form and guide a soul to it's adulthood. Once that soul reaches adulthood, whether that's 17 or 23, it doesn't have to be 18 or 21, that soul is on it's own. Adulthood may happen to kids at different ages, however, I don't believe it goes much beyond 25. That's when the brain is fully formed. </p><p></p><p>"Capably independent." If we feel that our kids are incapable and dependent then we continue with our parenting. I've done that. I don't want to do that anymore. </p><p></p><p>I think when a easy child gets to a certain point,we no longer feel they are incapable and dependent because they have shown us their capabilities and their independence.........so we can safely let go. But if we continue seeing our kids in the light of incapable and dependent, then it seems, we would hold on to them and not let go. </p><p></p><p>What if they are capable and independent, but not in the way we think is right? For instance, panhandling, living under a bridge, living in a shelter, being in jail. Those are likely to be ways of living we don't believe are 'right' but what if they are 'right' for our kids and we keep trying to mold them into what we perceive as 'right,' so we don't let go? </p><p></p><p>Just some thoughts and reactions to your post. I have no answers, just inquiries into my own process so I can see it clearly. </p><p></p><p>I don't want those tethers holding me back anymore. I believe, for me, that I am the only one who can free me, I can't wait until my daughter is independent and capable in the way I see those words. I have become willing to see her as capable and independent in the world she has chosen to live in. The chasm between her world and mine is very wide. It is no longer my job to build a bridge between them...........it's okay for her to live over there...............it's her choice. My choice is to unhook those tethers and fly.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 626433, member: 13542"] Cedar, that sounds like the crux, the root of what many of us feel. I think that is a fallacy. Certainly one promoted by society and our own sense of parental responsibility, duty or guilt, but that doesn't make it real. Truthfully, I don't feel that anymore. I think that thinking is false. I believe there is a '[I]season'[/I] to parenting, a time, an experience we are granted to help form and guide a soul to it's adulthood. Once that soul reaches adulthood, whether that's 17 or 23, it doesn't have to be 18 or 21, that soul is on it's own. Adulthood may happen to kids at different ages, however, I don't believe it goes much beyond 25. That's when the brain is fully formed. "Capably independent." If we feel that our kids are incapable and dependent then we continue with our parenting. I've done that. I don't want to do that anymore. I think when a easy child gets to a certain point,we no longer feel they are incapable and dependent because they have shown us their capabilities and their independence.........so we can safely let go. But if we continue seeing our kids in the light of incapable and dependent, then it seems, we would hold on to them and not let go. What if they are capable and independent, but not in the way we think is right? For instance, panhandling, living under a bridge, living in a shelter, being in jail. Those are likely to be ways of living we don't believe are 'right' but what if they are 'right' for our kids and we keep trying to mold them into what we perceive as 'right,' so we don't let go? Just some thoughts and reactions to your post. I have no answers, just inquiries into my own process so I can see it clearly. I don't want those tethers holding me back anymore. I believe, for me, that I am the only one who can free me, I can't wait until my daughter is independent and capable in the way I see those words. I have become willing to see her as capable and independent in the world she has chosen to live in. The chasm between her world and mine is very wide. It is no longer my job to build a bridge between them...........it's okay for her to live over there...............it's her choice. My choice is to unhook those tethers and fly. [/QUOTE]
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