Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I'd like to talk about acceptance
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 626471" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>It does sound harsh. It sounds harsh when I think it and when I write it and when I say it. But I believe it is true and real. I am working to live with that without becoming harsh myself. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>We can't control anything. Will we EVER get that through our heads? </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I judge a lot. I don't like that about myself at all. I like it less and less as I work on me. Now, I practice driving down the street, looking at all of the houses and businesses and people up and down the street and recognizing, recognizing actively, that they have lives that are all their own and they make choices all their own and that is right and just and has nothing to do with me and my values and decisions. May we all just accept each other, somehow. I believe accepting my difficult child starts and ends with accepting other people, regardless. That is what I am working on. It is much bigger than difficult child. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It is optional. That is the hope we can grasp onto. We will continue to experience pain, but we don't have to suffer. We can take the pain in, we can turn it over and over in our hands and our hearts and our minds. We can look at it, accept it, learn from it, and then we can choose to go on, better people for it. Whether it's a business failure, or the death of our aging parents, or a friendship that ends, or that difficult child is in jail again, we can take it in, feel it, claim it, own it, learn from it, and then work to let it go. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I believe this absolutely. When you unpack it all, at the bottom of the suitcase is fear. We are afraid of what we can't control and can't foresee and can't prepare for. So we scurry around trying to control and manage and fix so there will not be things we can't control and we can foresee the future and we can be prepared for it. Doesn't work. Just doesn't. The opposite of this is acceptance. That does work, and it's worth working toward. It's the pathway to peace. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes I do too Witz! I know that my difficult child never felt comfortable in his own skin. Is there something I could have done differently to help that? I don't know. </p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p>Yes, who do I think I am that I should expect anyone to live life as I see it. What arrogance in me. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It does, and it's hard to be with difficult child and have to listen to a bunch of bs. Now, I put a stop to it very quickly. I say, I don't want to talk about that. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I did shower difficult child with all of that Witz. I left my full time job to work part time when he was born. I was with him, and coddled him, and babied him and was present with so much love for him. This still happened. My love could not stop it. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It does, Cedar. Suffering does open the spirit and has made me a better person. But holding on to suffering would not. I am working to let go of my suffering, having transformed it and allowed it to transform me. That is my work. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Wow, this is such a burden on me, the way I judge others. I want to stop it. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>The law will stop it. The law will call it out. So will other people, who set limits on unacceptable behavior. That is the calling out. We don't have to talk it anymore. We can do it. We can set limits and boundaries and what we will spend time listening to and doing. When we do that, we are silently saying: Enough. And then, we are able to love and be compassionate and gentle and kind. You, Echo, said you were doing well until you started seeing him too much. Me too. I can offer my best to him when I can limit myself with him, right now. That is sad, but that is how it is. As I grow and let go of my judging and learn to accept more, I believe I will be able to spend more time. I hope. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You say: I don't want to talk about that. You change the subject. He KNOWS all of that is wrong. How many times have you told him? How many times has society told him? Too many. We demean them and ourselves by continuing to repeat old truths. They know it, already. They don't choose to do it. When will we GET that? </p><p></p><p>What a great thread. I am reading it all again and learning so much. Thank you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 626471, member: 17542"] It does sound harsh. It sounds harsh when I think it and when I write it and when I say it. But I believe it is true and real. I am working to live with that without becoming harsh myself. We can't control anything. Will we EVER get that through our heads? I judge a lot. I don't like that about myself at all. I like it less and less as I work on me. Now, I practice driving down the street, looking at all of the houses and businesses and people up and down the street and recognizing, recognizing actively, that they have lives that are all their own and they make choices all their own and that is right and just and has nothing to do with me and my values and decisions. May we all just accept each other, somehow. I believe accepting my difficult child starts and ends with accepting other people, regardless. That is what I am working on. It is much bigger than difficult child. It is optional. That is the hope we can grasp onto. We will continue to experience pain, but we don't have to suffer. We can take the pain in, we can turn it over and over in our hands and our hearts and our minds. We can look at it, accept it, learn from it, and then we can choose to go on, better people for it. Whether it's a business failure, or the death of our aging parents, or a friendship that ends, or that difficult child is in jail again, we can take it in, feel it, claim it, own it, learn from it, and then work to let it go. I believe this absolutely. When you unpack it all, at the bottom of the suitcase is fear. We are afraid of what we can't control and can't foresee and can't prepare for. So we scurry around trying to control and manage and fix so there will not be things we can't control and we can foresee the future and we can be prepared for it. Doesn't work. Just doesn't. The opposite of this is acceptance. That does work, and it's worth working toward. It's the pathway to peace. Yes I do too Witz! I know that my difficult child never felt comfortable in his own skin. Is there something I could have done differently to help that? I don't know. Yes, who do I think I am that I should expect anyone to live life as I see it. What arrogance in me. It does, and it's hard to be with difficult child and have to listen to a bunch of bs. Now, I put a stop to it very quickly. I say, I don't want to talk about that. I did shower difficult child with all of that Witz. I left my full time job to work part time when he was born. I was with him, and coddled him, and babied him and was present with so much love for him. This still happened. My love could not stop it. It does, Cedar. Suffering does open the spirit and has made me a better person. But holding on to suffering would not. I am working to let go of my suffering, having transformed it and allowed it to transform me. That is my work. Wow, this is such a burden on me, the way I judge others. I want to stop it. The law will stop it. The law will call it out. So will other people, who set limits on unacceptable behavior. That is the calling out. We don't have to talk it anymore. We can do it. We can set limits and boundaries and what we will spend time listening to and doing. When we do that, we are silently saying: Enough. And then, we are able to love and be compassionate and gentle and kind. You, Echo, said you were doing well until you started seeing him too much. Me too. I can offer my best to him when I can limit myself with him, right now. That is sad, but that is how it is. As I grow and let go of my judging and learn to accept more, I believe I will be able to spend more time. I hope. You say: I don't want to talk about that. You change the subject. He KNOWS all of that is wrong. How many times have you told him? How many times has society told him? Too many. We demean them and ourselves by continuing to repeat old truths. They know it, already. They don't choose to do it. When will we GET that? What a great thread. I am reading it all again and learning so much. Thank you. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I'd like to talk about acceptance
Top