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If there is a hope?
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<blockquote data-quote="Nandina" data-source="post: 762374" data-attributes="member: 23742"><p>Hi Angela, and welcome.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry for your pain. We all belong to one of those clubs that no one wants to be a member of. It is hard, it hurts like h*ll, and as you say, it brings you to your knees.</p><p></p><p>But you can survive it. Many of us have been successful at detaching from loved ones who cause us so much pain.</p><p></p><p>I’m not saying I personally am always successful at detaching, but I realize that I can’t let my son’s drug abuse, irresponsible behaviors and total disregard for anything we do for him dominate my life.</p><p></p><p>We can’t continue to let our adult childrens’ drug use and irresponsible behavior bring us down and keep us in a continuous state of anxiety and hurt. So I, like many others here, have my moments of pain but I make sure to let it pass.</p><p></p><p>If you cannot let it pass, then in my opinion you need some additional support to help you get through it. This forum is one such place, but if you are seriously depressed, I hope you’ll also seek counseling through a therapist or other professional.</p><p></p><p>I would also take Busy’s advice, above, and get into a supportive group of your choice. It does help so much to be among those who really ”get it.”</p><p></p><p>As someone who has felt the most horrible depths of pain over my son and his homelessness and drug use, my advice to you is to try very hard not to let your son’s behavior control you and your emotions. You will not be able to change him no matter what you do or say, and chances are he won’t appreciate any of the loving things you have done for him. So I wouldn’t waste anymore money paying for apartments or cars.</p><p></p><p>We have all been there, some just longer than others. Read others’ stories here—some people nearly spent their life savings trying to “help” their children. Please don’t make that mistake.</p><p></p><p>I know it’s hard, but I hope you will find something that you enjoy or that brings you peace and will try to do it, whether it’s taking a walk, planting flowers (my fave), reading the Bible or other spiritual teachings — whatever you enjoy. Find moments where you don’t have to think about him. And don’t feel guilty for having them. You need to separate yourself from him.</p><p></p><p>I wish you peace and send hugs. Keep posting and reading. It really helps.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nandina, post: 762374, member: 23742"] Hi Angela, and welcome. I am so sorry for your pain. We all belong to one of those clubs that no one wants to be a member of. It is hard, it hurts like h*ll, and as you say, it brings you to your knees. But you can survive it. Many of us have been successful at detaching from loved ones who cause us so much pain. I’m not saying I personally am always successful at detaching, but I realize that I can’t let my son’s drug abuse, irresponsible behaviors and total disregard for anything we do for him dominate my life. We can’t continue to let our adult childrens’ drug use and irresponsible behavior bring us down and keep us in a continuous state of anxiety and hurt. So I, like many others here, have my moments of pain but I make sure to let it pass. If you cannot let it pass, then in my opinion you need some additional support to help you get through it. This forum is one such place, but if you are seriously depressed, I hope you’ll also seek counseling through a therapist or other professional. I would also take Busy’s advice, above, and get into a supportive group of your choice. It does help so much to be among those who really ”get it.” As someone who has felt the most horrible depths of pain over my son and his homelessness and drug use, my advice to you is to try very hard not to let your son’s behavior control you and your emotions. You will not be able to change him no matter what you do or say, and chances are he won’t appreciate any of the loving things you have done for him. So I wouldn’t waste anymore money paying for apartments or cars. We have all been there, some just longer than others. Read others’ stories here—some people nearly spent their life savings trying to “help” their children. Please don’t make that mistake. I know it’s hard, but I hope you will find something that you enjoy or that brings you peace and will try to do it, whether it’s taking a walk, planting flowers (my fave), reading the Bible or other spiritual teachings — whatever you enjoy. Find moments where you don’t have to think about him. And don’t feel guilty for having them. You need to separate yourself from him. I wish you peace and send hugs. Keep posting and reading. It really helps. [/QUOTE]
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