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If you could raise your kids again, what would you change?
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<blockquote data-quote="Estherfromjerusalem" data-source="post: 691315" data-attributes="member: 77"><p>I did not cope with the encopresis, and I consider that was the trigger for all the other difficulties. He is a super-intelligent, super-goodlooking child, charming, but the encopresis simply ruined his life. True, he is mending (has got really far) and is coping with life, but he would have been something completely different without the encopresis. I know that here on the board people consider me a person who knows how to cope with encopresis, but that's only because we went through it and came out the other side still more or less whole, although I am also still suffering from the after-effects of it -- almost PTSD. I found a way of coping when he was about 10 years old, but that was only through trial and error and the damage was already done. If I had my time again, I would have gone immediately to a children's gastro doctor instead of listening to my pediatrician (whom I trusted) who said there was no point in putting him through all the ghastly tests he would have to undergo.</p><p></p><p>Another thing I would do differently if I had my time all over again, would be to show more physical affection to all my children. In the house I grew up in, I do not remember a single hug from my mother (my father was more able than her to demonstrate physical affection, but not too much), nor a single kiss. Only when I reached my forties and the child-minder who looked after my children when I went to work taught me (!! yes, she taught me) how to hug and kiss my children, did I begin to give my mother a hug and/or a kiss when we got together. Funnily enough, though, we had a good relationship.</p><p></p><p>My problems fade when compared to those faced by most of you here. My children are all grown up and they all, except for Difficult Child, are married with children of their own, and are functioning really well in society, so I don't have much to complain about.</p><p></p><p>When the children were small and there were all sorts of problems, my husband was far firmer than I was in coping with them. He used to say, "I will be the brick wall against which the children can bang their heads." And looking back, he was right. He is very strong (for better or for worse) and on the one hand aroused a lot of antagonism with the children, but on the other hand gave them guidance.</p><p></p><p>I think our problems stem from a slightly different source: My mother, for example, must have been depressed throughout all those years, ever since finding out some time during World War II that her parents had been murdered in Auschwitz. Same with my father's mother, although my father somehow was a more positive optimistic person. People like me are called "second generation" survivors, and we have all sorts of hang-ups. Maybe my mother was the way she was because of the shock of finding out about her parents (I was born shortly after the end of World War II).</p><p></p><p>OK, end of harangue. I haven't written properly for ages. Hope I haven't bored you all.</p><p></p><p>Love, Esther</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Estherfromjerusalem, post: 691315, member: 77"] I did not cope with the encopresis, and I consider that was the trigger for all the other difficulties. He is a super-intelligent, super-goodlooking child, charming, but the encopresis simply ruined his life. True, he is mending (has got really far) and is coping with life, but he would have been something completely different without the encopresis. I know that here on the board people consider me a person who knows how to cope with encopresis, but that's only because we went through it and came out the other side still more or less whole, although I am also still suffering from the after-effects of it -- almost PTSD. I found a way of coping when he was about 10 years old, but that was only through trial and error and the damage was already done. If I had my time again, I would have gone immediately to a children's gastro doctor instead of listening to my pediatrician (whom I trusted) who said there was no point in putting him through all the ghastly tests he would have to undergo. Another thing I would do differently if I had my time all over again, would be to show more physical affection to all my children. In the house I grew up in, I do not remember a single hug from my mother (my father was more able than her to demonstrate physical affection, but not too much), nor a single kiss. Only when I reached my forties and the child-minder who looked after my children when I went to work taught me (!! yes, she taught me) how to hug and kiss my children, did I begin to give my mother a hug and/or a kiss when we got together. Funnily enough, though, we had a good relationship. My problems fade when compared to those faced by most of you here. My children are all grown up and they all, except for Difficult Child, are married with children of their own, and are functioning really well in society, so I don't have much to complain about. When the children were small and there were all sorts of problems, my husband was far firmer than I was in coping with them. He used to say, "I will be the brick wall against which the children can bang their heads." And looking back, he was right. He is very strong (for better or for worse) and on the one hand aroused a lot of antagonism with the children, but on the other hand gave them guidance. I think our problems stem from a slightly different source: My mother, for example, must have been depressed throughout all those years, ever since finding out some time during World War II that her parents had been murdered in Auschwitz. Same with my father's mother, although my father somehow was a more positive optimistic person. People like me are called "second generation" survivors, and we have all sorts of hang-ups. Maybe my mother was the way she was because of the shock of finding out about her parents (I was born shortly after the end of World War II). OK, end of harangue. I haven't written properly for ages. Hope I haven't bored you all. Love, Esther [/QUOTE]
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If you could raise your kids again, what would you change?
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