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Parent Emeritus
If you could raise your kids again, what would you change?
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<blockquote data-quote="dayatatime" data-source="post: 709978" data-attributes="member: 17805"><p>I think the things I would have done differently are things that would benefit me-- and that they would trickle down to benefiting my son. Primarily, I would have divorced his father sooooo very much sooner. It took me 13 years of marriage before divorce (the light at the end of the tunnel of marriage) even occurred to me. If I could travel back in time I would somehow pull myself aside and explain the social services that are available. If I could go even further back I wouldn't have had a kid with that man. </p><p></p><p>COPA wrote something about how we all love our kids and wouldn't trade them in for another model. I think I would be very happy to trade mine in for another model. As horrible as that sounds, I think I would give anything to have a "normal" parenting experience-- have a kid who thrives-- not in the way of socially validated excellence, but just someone who follows the basic social structure, or even is moderately respectful-- I'd trade. </p><p></p><p>My own child is just a well of pain. </p><p></p><p>Easter, I am second generation, too. Though my maternal grandparents survived and made it to the states, none of their extended family did. And my father was very distant from his large (American) extended family-- when I look at "what went wrong" and the pile of dysfunction stretches through generations and ends at the war-- but maybe there was plenty of dysfunction before them, too.... I have been a domino.</p><p></p><p>At this point I'm a domino who has picked herself up and dusted herself off.... but I just can't dust off some of the pain, most of which has come to rest in my relationship with my son. And in his pain, which is acute. I am going to start another thread to talk about what's happening there now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dayatatime, post: 709978, member: 17805"] I think the things I would have done differently are things that would benefit me-- and that they would trickle down to benefiting my son. Primarily, I would have divorced his father sooooo very much sooner. It took me 13 years of marriage before divorce (the light at the end of the tunnel of marriage) even occurred to me. If I could travel back in time I would somehow pull myself aside and explain the social services that are available. If I could go even further back I wouldn't have had a kid with that man. COPA wrote something about how we all love our kids and wouldn't trade them in for another model. I think I would be very happy to trade mine in for another model. As horrible as that sounds, I think I would give anything to have a "normal" parenting experience-- have a kid who thrives-- not in the way of socially validated excellence, but just someone who follows the basic social structure, or even is moderately respectful-- I'd trade. My own child is just a well of pain. Easter, I am second generation, too. Though my maternal grandparents survived and made it to the states, none of their extended family did. And my father was very distant from his large (American) extended family-- when I look at "what went wrong" and the pile of dysfunction stretches through generations and ends at the war-- but maybe there was plenty of dysfunction before them, too.... I have been a domino. At this point I'm a domino who has picked herself up and dusted herself off.... but I just can't dust off some of the pain, most of which has come to rest in my relationship with my son. And in his pain, which is acute. I am going to start another thread to talk about what's happening there now. [/QUOTE]
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If you could raise your kids again, what would you change?
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