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If you don't detach from your adult difficult children.......
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 612438"><p>Cedar, that part of it, the fact that our daughter has a MI diagnosis and a little bit because she also had brain surgery due to an aneurysm when she was very little, sometimes causes some conflict for me personally when it comes to detachment and concepts related to it. But, as time passes, it is less and less of a conflict. It is more a bit sad. But, I often feel at this age (mid twenties) my difficult child isn't fully utilizing her abilities. Hard to find a good comparison, but it might be like if you had a legally blind child or relative who refused to wear her thick glasses or refused to use the seeing eye dog given to her and consequently, broke all the good glassware in your home and cussed YOU out about it saying it was all YOUR fault and then got her friends to steal from you and on and on. It is sad that life has handed them this very difficult card, but they like everyone else, have to play the cards dealt to them and see the doctor, take their medications, try to work, do the best they can, be grateful for what is given to them, show kindness, respect and appreciation to caring family members, good friends and bosses...etc. they are not excempt. </p><p></p><p>I took a Spanish class once with an elderly blind person. He worked until retirement and was now bored and trying to learn a little bit of Spanish. All sorts of hoops had to be jumped through....he got his friend enrolled free and she took notes for him and they studied together. He memorized all of us in class by our voices, etc. he never complained and none of us could fully understand how he could do it and be happy as well. </p><p></p><p>So, with my difficult child, I'm more or less ok with giving her little bit of help, but that's it!!!!!!!!! If she did HER part, this would be sufficient with reference to having a mental illness.oh, and if she cops and attitude with me, I cut her off until she changes her tune. </p><p></p><p>it doesn't do us or them any good to nurture their troubles. A little LITTLE bit of extra help for a person putting effort in their own care goes a long way. All else is futile. I don't do futile anymore. Detachment is vital. There is no other choice and Scott's post is so very eye opening.</p><p></p><p>oh...in a way, we've also been dealt a shxxxx card, but we must be strong, hold our heads up high and enjoy life anyway. I have my moments, but I keep them brief. Life is too precious....<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />. Blessings my friend.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 612438"] Cedar, that part of it, the fact that our daughter has a MI diagnosis and a little bit because she also had brain surgery due to an aneurysm when she was very little, sometimes causes some conflict for me personally when it comes to detachment and concepts related to it. But, as time passes, it is less and less of a conflict. It is more a bit sad. But, I often feel at this age (mid twenties) my difficult child isn't fully utilizing her abilities. Hard to find a good comparison, but it might be like if you had a legally blind child or relative who refused to wear her thick glasses or refused to use the seeing eye dog given to her and consequently, broke all the good glassware in your home and cussed YOU out about it saying it was all YOUR fault and then got her friends to steal from you and on and on. It is sad that life has handed them this very difficult card, but they like everyone else, have to play the cards dealt to them and see the doctor, take their medications, try to work, do the best they can, be grateful for what is given to them, show kindness, respect and appreciation to caring family members, good friends and bosses...etc. they are not excempt. I took a Spanish class once with an elderly blind person. He worked until retirement and was now bored and trying to learn a little bit of Spanish. All sorts of hoops had to be jumped through....he got his friend enrolled free and she took notes for him and they studied together. He memorized all of us in class by our voices, etc. he never complained and none of us could fully understand how he could do it and be happy as well. So, with my difficult child, I'm more or less ok with giving her little bit of help, but that's it!!!!!!!!! If she did HER part, this would be sufficient with reference to having a mental illness.oh, and if she cops and attitude with me, I cut her off until she changes her tune. it doesn't do us or them any good to nurture their troubles. A little LITTLE bit of extra help for a person putting effort in their own care goes a long way. All else is futile. I don't do futile anymore. Detachment is vital. There is no other choice and Scott's post is so very eye opening. oh...in a way, we've also been dealt a shxxxx card, but we must be strong, hold our heads up high and enjoy life anyway. I have my moments, but I keep them brief. Life is too precious....:). Blessings my friend. [/QUOTE]
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