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If you don't detach from your adult difficult children.......
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<blockquote data-quote="SearchingForRainbows" data-source="post: 612519" data-attributes="member: 3388"><p>Scott,</p><p></p><p>Great thread! I totally agree with everything you have to say. Very briefly, I have a difficult child uncle who was babied his entire life by my grandmother. He lived in her house until the day she died. My grandmother was afraid of him and walked on eggshells in her own home. I remember as a child eavesdropping on a conversation and finding out that one time she had to hide in a closet because of how fearful she was that he was going to hurt her. He pulled a knife on my father once at a holiday gathering. I was young, in elementary school when this happened, and was with my father when my uncle tried to attack him. </p><p></p><p>In those days mental illness/substance abuse wasn't discussed. My entire family tried to brush it under the rug, pretend nothing was wrong, my uncle was "normal." I was forced to go to weekly Sunday dinners at my grandmother's house, dreading each and every visit. There's lots more to the story but the bottom line is that after witnessing first hand an extremely dysfunctional situation, how easily it destroyed many lives because it was allowed to exist, taught me what not to do as an adult.</p><p></p><p>I really think even though I still struggle with detachment and slip back into unhealthy patterns every now and then, that my childhood to some extent, prepared me for the future.</p><p></p><p>Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. SFR</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SearchingForRainbows, post: 612519, member: 3388"] Scott, Great thread! I totally agree with everything you have to say. Very briefly, I have a difficult child uncle who was babied his entire life by my grandmother. He lived in her house until the day she died. My grandmother was afraid of him and walked on eggshells in her own home. I remember as a child eavesdropping on a conversation and finding out that one time she had to hide in a closet because of how fearful she was that he was going to hurt her. He pulled a knife on my father once at a holiday gathering. I was young, in elementary school when this happened, and was with my father when my uncle tried to attack him. In those days mental illness/substance abuse wasn't discussed. My entire family tried to brush it under the rug, pretend nothing was wrong, my uncle was "normal." I was forced to go to weekly Sunday dinners at my grandmother's house, dreading each and every visit. There's lots more to the story but the bottom line is that after witnessing first hand an extremely dysfunctional situation, how easily it destroyed many lives because it was allowed to exist, taught me what not to do as an adult. I really think even though I still struggle with detachment and slip back into unhealthy patterns every now and then, that my childhood to some extent, prepared me for the future. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. SFR [/QUOTE]
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