Well, this strikes a chord with me, too.
I almost cannot bear my 27 year old son in my home. I feel horrified to write that. In fact, it seems that a phone relationship with him for me, is optimal. Which was the form of relationship I had with my mother for much of her later life. That horrified me, too, after she died. About me.
I think the visit you describe, Nomad, is about the best it can be. I think we need to forgive ourselves.
We do not make a nuclear family anymore with our adult children. They make their own families. That is the natural progression of things. Their own homes and rules. Their own children. And money.
Except that is not happening for our children. They do not fly away. Instead they seem to want to act like babies. And tyrants, too. Without accepting the responsibility that comes from adulthood.
And who do we hold responsible, when they act like out of control babies--stuffing themselves--and dominating our homes when they return? Ourselves. Our knee jerk is to blame ourselves.
I think we are living impossible situations with grace. Each of us.
COPA
