Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
I'm a newbie; opinions on books?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 170338" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>difficult child = Gift From God</p><p> </p><p>I see no one has answered that question for you yet. The others have been covered by those who have more knowledge than I do.</p><p> </p><p>I think sometimes when a child has exceptional vocabulary skills, it is hard to see him or her at their age. I know that was an issue with my easy child - at age 3 she had a vocabulary of a 5 year old. Being the size of a 5 year old also didn't help because when she acted her age, I would get diapproving looks from people who assumed she was older and should behave differently. I was constantly reminding myself that she was still younger than she looked and sounded. And because she knew a lot of words, didn't mean she understood any more than a 3 year old.</p><p> </p><p>I did look into this a little bit this past Spring. I came to the conclusion to be as positive as possible around my son who at the time was displaying some ODD behavior. I did whatever I could to prevent him from feeling that he was being judged or viewed as unable to do something. For example, it is common for parents to say, "Please put your glass further on the table so you do not accidently knock it over." ODD children may reply, "I will not knock it over" or "Like this?" as they show what will happen if they do knock it over. They take it that you are sure they will mess up or that you do not trust them. Instead say, "Everyone's glass is put past their plate." They don't feel singled out.</p><p> </p><p>I think sometimes defiant behavior comes to play when a child really doesn't know how to accomplish a task or feels he/she is unable to. (Sarah is right, 2 years old are common for this behavior as their way of learning who they are - if it continues into school age, there may be something else going on.) They don't have the tools to explain why they can't/won't so they just refuse. Then we try to reason and they are not really old enough to know how to reason so we get frustrated.</p><p>For example, "Time to go to bed" "No, there is a monster in my room"" So parents take child to room to show there are no monsters but child can not be consoled. Lots of arguments, child lays down, parent turns off light and child starts to scream, "Monster". Parent returns to find a shadow cast on the wall that the child thinks is a monster. Child doesn't understand about shadows, he/she just knows there is a monster in the room. What parents saw as defiant was really child unable to face the task of going to bed because of the monster. (so when checking for monsters, turn off the light <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> )</p><p> </p><p>Be positive in the rules and try to figure out why the child is disobeying. Sometimes it can be outright disobedience but many times there will be a good reason.</p><p> </p><p>Non-personal statments whenever possible; "The light needs to be turned off" - instead of "you need to turn off that light."</p><p>"Today's clothes are on the bed" instead of "Your clothes are on your bed" Decrease any chance of a challenge. "We need to leave in 5 minutes, can you be ready? Do you need anything?" If you had a guest staying, you wouldn't yell, "Get your stuff on, we are leaving in 5 minutes." You would say, "We need to leave in 5 minutes." or "Can you be ready in 5 minutes?" or "How long do you need to be ready?"</p><p> </p><p>I hope that makes sense. By being positive, your child may realize some day that it is really is no big deal to have the glass in front of the plate or to turn off the light when you leave the room. We just do these things, nothing to fight about. And, we work together to meet schedules (getting out the door in time).</p><p> </p><p>Behaviors may be normal for a certain age, however, if the behavior is more intense than normal, then you should start figuring out if there is something going on.</p><p> </p><p>I hope you find answers for your family.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 170338, member: 5096"] difficult child = Gift From God I see no one has answered that question for you yet. The others have been covered by those who have more knowledge than I do. I think sometimes when a child has exceptional vocabulary skills, it is hard to see him or her at their age. I know that was an issue with my easy child - at age 3 she had a vocabulary of a 5 year old. Being the size of a 5 year old also didn't help because when she acted her age, I would get diapproving looks from people who assumed she was older and should behave differently. I was constantly reminding myself that she was still younger than she looked and sounded. And because she knew a lot of words, didn't mean she understood any more than a 3 year old. I did look into this a little bit this past Spring. I came to the conclusion to be as positive as possible around my son who at the time was displaying some ODD behavior. I did whatever I could to prevent him from feeling that he was being judged or viewed as unable to do something. For example, it is common for parents to say, "Please put your glass further on the table so you do not accidently knock it over." ODD children may reply, "I will not knock it over" or "Like this?" as they show what will happen if they do knock it over. They take it that you are sure they will mess up or that you do not trust them. Instead say, "Everyone's glass is put past their plate." They don't feel singled out. I think sometimes defiant behavior comes to play when a child really doesn't know how to accomplish a task or feels he/she is unable to. (Sarah is right, 2 years old are common for this behavior as their way of learning who they are - if it continues into school age, there may be something else going on.) They don't have the tools to explain why they can't/won't so they just refuse. Then we try to reason and they are not really old enough to know how to reason so we get frustrated. For example, "Time to go to bed" "No, there is a monster in my room"" So parents take child to room to show there are no monsters but child can not be consoled. Lots of arguments, child lays down, parent turns off light and child starts to scream, "Monster". Parent returns to find a shadow cast on the wall that the child thinks is a monster. Child doesn't understand about shadows, he/she just knows there is a monster in the room. What parents saw as defiant was really child unable to face the task of going to bed because of the monster. (so when checking for monsters, turn off the light :) ) Be positive in the rules and try to figure out why the child is disobeying. Sometimes it can be outright disobedience but many times there will be a good reason. Non-personal statments whenever possible; "The light needs to be turned off" - instead of "you need to turn off that light." "Today's clothes are on the bed" instead of "Your clothes are on your bed" Decrease any chance of a challenge. "We need to leave in 5 minutes, can you be ready? Do you need anything?" If you had a guest staying, you wouldn't yell, "Get your stuff on, we are leaving in 5 minutes." You would say, "We need to leave in 5 minutes." or "Can you be ready in 5 minutes?" or "How long do you need to be ready?" I hope that makes sense. By being positive, your child may realize some day that it is really is no big deal to have the glass in front of the plate or to turn off the light when you leave the room. We just do these things, nothing to fight about. And, we work together to meet schedules (getting out the door in time). Behaviors may be normal for a certain age, however, if the behavior is more intense than normal, then you should start figuring out if there is something going on. I hope you find answers for your family. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
I'm a newbie; opinions on books?
Top