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General Parenting
Im an aunt of an 18 year old and needs help
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 728467" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>You should all check your credit. This can be done for free. Many teens are able to find easy directions online to get your credit card numbers and use them (or just get new cards issued on your accounts if you don't use the card often). Even worse, they are able to find directions to get new credit card accounts in your name, which is often even easier to do!! </p><p></p><p>I think everyone exposed to a Difficult Child should do this every year or so, depending on how often it is allowed without harming your credit. If that Difficult Child has a substance abuse problem or other addiction (gambling, porn etc...), then credit may need to be checked more often. Sometimes you can get your bank to help with this. Often they can check your credit in ways that don't impact your credit score. They can also help you find ways to safeguard your credit, such as safe programs that send warnings when someone gets a new card issued on your account. This is just an extra warning if you did authorize this, and a welcome warning if you did not! </p><p></p><p>It would be extremely good if the car was removed from his use/possession. Of course if it is in his name, you cannot do this. If it is registered in his name, stop paying for gas, insurance or anything else unless you are required to by law. When he uses it uninsured, report it to the cops. Call and say "Nephew is driving uninsured and probably drunk/high/impaired in a 2012 Honda sedan, tan in color. He is going from this address to this place, probably on Blank Street." Sometimes the cops respond, sometimes they don't have anyone free to respond. Have the family call whenever he drives somewhere and you know he is impaired and/or uninsured. It will eventually get to be too expensive to drive.</p><p></p><p>If you own the car, take the keys. If he searches for them and takes them without authorization, there are things you can do. Calling the cops and reporting the car as stolen is one option. You can even tell them that he has stolen the car and he lives at X address. He may or may not get arrested. It depends on the officer and the day and many other factors. You can also disable the vehicle so he CANNOT use the car. It is quite easy. If you need directions to remove the fuses, I can do that easily. I have found that taking off the battery cables is something that a Difficult Child can easily see and fix (or mess up). Fuses are super easy, but they are not so obvious that a Difficult Child will see them. You have to use the book and your head, Know what I mean?? It still only takes a couple of minutes, isn't greasy usually, and can keep the car from operating until you put the fuse back in. A very fast "unfix" to keep a Difficult Child from absconding with a vehicle you don't want him to have. (I have other more diabolical "unfixes" but those are for hardcore situations. I don't think you need them.)</p><p></p><p>The reason I say that you should do what you can to keep him from driving is that the vehicle is a 2 ton lethal weapon. If he is impaired, anyone on or near the road is in serious danger. Not having a car is a logical consequence of his behavior. If you stick to logical consequences like this, maybe he will learn a lesson sooner (in a year or two) rather than later (in a decade or two). </p><p></p><p>Of course these are just my ideas. I know that these are not the right things to do at this time for everyone. They may or may not positively impact your situation. It may be quite some time before these can be done with your nephew, if they can EVER be done. Sometimes it just isn't safe to do what someone suggests even though you completely believe that it is the right thing to do in most situations. You can and should only do what your instincts tell you is the right thing to do in your situation. It won't be what was right for my family, or SWOT's, or AppleCpri's, or anyone else's family. If anyone ever tells you that you should do something because right now because it was the right thing for them to do for their family, ignore their advice. Always do what you feel is right for your family. </p><p></p><p>We may all give you the same advice or we may squabble over what we tell you. It depends on our mood and the day we have had. Know that we are trying to give the best advice we can, but it is colored by our own situations. We don't ever mean to jump on you, I promise. We just get enthusiastic sometimes. I promise that you won't be judged if you ignore what we are telling you to do on those days and you just do what seems right to you. After all, it IS your family. We know this and respect this, even if we get a little over eager sometimes. </p><p></p><p>(((((hugs)))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 728467, member: 1233"] You should all check your credit. This can be done for free. Many teens are able to find easy directions online to get your credit card numbers and use them (or just get new cards issued on your accounts if you don't use the card often). Even worse, they are able to find directions to get new credit card accounts in your name, which is often even easier to do!! I think everyone exposed to a Difficult Child should do this every year or so, depending on how often it is allowed without harming your credit. If that Difficult Child has a substance abuse problem or other addiction (gambling, porn etc...), then credit may need to be checked more often. Sometimes you can get your bank to help with this. Often they can check your credit in ways that don't impact your credit score. They can also help you find ways to safeguard your credit, such as safe programs that send warnings when someone gets a new card issued on your account. This is just an extra warning if you did authorize this, and a welcome warning if you did not! It would be extremely good if the car was removed from his use/possession. Of course if it is in his name, you cannot do this. If it is registered in his name, stop paying for gas, insurance or anything else unless you are required to by law. When he uses it uninsured, report it to the cops. Call and say "Nephew is driving uninsured and probably drunk/high/impaired in a 2012 Honda sedan, tan in color. He is going from this address to this place, probably on Blank Street." Sometimes the cops respond, sometimes they don't have anyone free to respond. Have the family call whenever he drives somewhere and you know he is impaired and/or uninsured. It will eventually get to be too expensive to drive. If you own the car, take the keys. If he searches for them and takes them without authorization, there are things you can do. Calling the cops and reporting the car as stolen is one option. You can even tell them that he has stolen the car and he lives at X address. He may or may not get arrested. It depends on the officer and the day and many other factors. You can also disable the vehicle so he CANNOT use the car. It is quite easy. If you need directions to remove the fuses, I can do that easily. I have found that taking off the battery cables is something that a Difficult Child can easily see and fix (or mess up). Fuses are super easy, but they are not so obvious that a Difficult Child will see them. You have to use the book and your head, Know what I mean?? It still only takes a couple of minutes, isn't greasy usually, and can keep the car from operating until you put the fuse back in. A very fast "unfix" to keep a Difficult Child from absconding with a vehicle you don't want him to have. (I have other more diabolical "unfixes" but those are for hardcore situations. I don't think you need them.) The reason I say that you should do what you can to keep him from driving is that the vehicle is a 2 ton lethal weapon. If he is impaired, anyone on or near the road is in serious danger. Not having a car is a logical consequence of his behavior. If you stick to logical consequences like this, maybe he will learn a lesson sooner (in a year or two) rather than later (in a decade or two). Of course these are just my ideas. I know that these are not the right things to do at this time for everyone. They may or may not positively impact your situation. It may be quite some time before these can be done with your nephew, if they can EVER be done. Sometimes it just isn't safe to do what someone suggests even though you completely believe that it is the right thing to do in most situations. You can and should only do what your instincts tell you is the right thing to do in your situation. It won't be what was right for my family, or SWOT's, or AppleCpri's, or anyone else's family. If anyone ever tells you that you should do something because right now because it was the right thing for them to do for their family, ignore their advice. Always do what you feel is right for your family. We may all give you the same advice or we may squabble over what we tell you. It depends on our mood and the day we have had. Know that we are trying to give the best advice we can, but it is colored by our own situations. We don't ever mean to jump on you, I promise. We just get enthusiastic sometimes. I promise that you won't be judged if you ignore what we are telling you to do on those days and you just do what seems right to you. After all, it IS your family. We know this and respect this, even if we get a little over eager sometimes. (((((hugs))))) [/QUOTE]
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Im an aunt of an 18 year old and needs help
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