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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 154476" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Thanks MB. I was trying not to go overboard and push her right into his arms while showing her I don't approve at all in the abusive treatment.</p><p> </p><p>M23 I don't think you were too harsh. And I do understand where you're coming from. It's hard to how to word advice based on info here because if I went into every little detail the post would turn into a book. And I try not to post too often on it because 1. I've been trying to detach from it and 2. I don't want to drive you all crazy with it too.</p><p> </p><p>And I do very much value your input.</p><p> </p><p><strong>She willing walks into that mess</strong>.</p><p> </p><p><strong>"you teach people how to treat you".</strong> </p><p> </p><p>I agree wholeheartedly with that. And I've been telling her this since the abusive behavior began in the relationship. And I've been stressing it more for the past year or more.</p><p> </p><p>But I know Nichole. I see the relationship every day. boyfriend has a major hold on her. He's got her convinced it's <strong>all</strong> her fault, if she'd just change it would be hunky dory. One minute he's telling her they can't live together because of her behavior, the next he is making plans to move in together. One minute he wants to go to psychiatrist, next there is nothing wrong with her, the next she's a homicidal maniac. He flip flops all over the place. Heck, I can't keep up with him, let alone Nichole. And I'm working on getting her to see there is just no pleasing the boy. He wants her to get a job but sabotages it by refusing to watch Aubrey and a half dozen other ways. He wants her to get her license, then refuses to take her to get it. (I'm working on getting family to do this for her) He told her he'd finance for a cheap car so she could use her money for school, then backed out once he'd convinced her to pay for it telling her he'd give her the money back. So she was stuck with a car she couldn't drive and no money for school. Which was <strong>why</strong> she needed the car in the first place.</p><p> </p><p>No she doesn't have to take it. I just have to convince <strong>her</strong> of that. And in the meantime not manage to push her further toward dependence on him.</p><p> </p><p>Does that make sense?</p><p> </p><p>Nichole is terrified of adult responsibility and of raising Aubrey alone. I'm trying to help Nichole take steps to show her she can do it and help her do it, while boyfriend somehow manages to keep blowing it out of the water. If I get her convinced becoming independent is a good idea before moving in with boyfriend, he comes along and starts talking marriage and moving in with her again.</p><p> </p><p>Head games. God! I hate that sort of thing.</p><p> </p><p>Ack!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 154476, member: 84"] Thanks MB. I was trying not to go overboard and push her right into his arms while showing her I don't approve at all in the abusive treatment. M23 I don't think you were too harsh. And I do understand where you're coming from. It's hard to how to word advice based on info here because if I went into every little detail the post would turn into a book. And I try not to post too often on it because 1. I've been trying to detach from it and 2. I don't want to drive you all crazy with it too. And I do very much value your input. [B]She willing walks into that mess[/B]. [B]"you teach people how to treat you".[/B] I agree wholeheartedly with that. And I've been telling her this since the abusive behavior began in the relationship. And I've been stressing it more for the past year or more. But I know Nichole. I see the relationship every day. boyfriend has a major hold on her. He's got her convinced it's [B]all[/B] her fault, if she'd just change it would be hunky dory. One minute he's telling her they can't live together because of her behavior, the next he is making plans to move in together. One minute he wants to go to psychiatrist, next there is nothing wrong with her, the next she's a homicidal maniac. He flip flops all over the place. Heck, I can't keep up with him, let alone Nichole. And I'm working on getting her to see there is just no pleasing the boy. He wants her to get a job but sabotages it by refusing to watch Aubrey and a half dozen other ways. He wants her to get her license, then refuses to take her to get it. (I'm working on getting family to do this for her) He told her he'd finance for a cheap car so she could use her money for school, then backed out once he'd convinced her to pay for it telling her he'd give her the money back. So she was stuck with a car she couldn't drive and no money for school. Which was [B]why[/B] she needed the car in the first place. No she doesn't have to take it. I just have to convince [B]her[/B] of that. And in the meantime not manage to push her further toward dependence on him. Does that make sense? Nichole is terrified of adult responsibility and of raising Aubrey alone. I'm trying to help Nichole take steps to show her she can do it and help her do it, while boyfriend somehow manages to keep blowing it out of the water. If I get her convinced becoming independent is a good idea before moving in with boyfriend, he comes along and starts talking marriage and moving in with her again. Head games. God! I hate that sort of thing. Ack! [/QUOTE]
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