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i'm going to lose it today
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 131077" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Whenever ANY of my kids began whining or getting themselves worked up to a panic over their work, I'd threaten to walk away (and would, if it didn't stop INSTANTLY). I would only come back if they promised to be calm and also polite to me; I was only trying to help, and if they didn't want my help they only had to say so. I wouldn't stand for any abuse or tantrum, over schoolwork.</p><p></p><p>Of course, this meant that when I was driving them to do their work, a tantrum would get them out of work. I would reserve the "I'll walk away" routine for when THEY were motivated to do it. </p><p></p><p>I could get them motivated by pointing out, "I'm not the one who has to hand this in tomorrow morning. I can just get on with organising the shopping, planning dinner tomorrow night, getting some sleep... I finished my school days long ago. I can walk away from this, I do not have to help you, I only choose to if you're polite to me."</p><p></p><p>When they quietened down, I would talk them through it but I would also try to get them to work independently. "If you can't do that bit, leave it and move on; once you've done everything you can, we'll go through it together."</p><p></p><p>I did find that a lot of the rudeness, a lot of the "I can't do it, I'm so stupid, why do they ask these silly questions in such a dumb way?" etc were born of panic and uncertainty. And while they're mid-panic, they're not going to get much work done, not effectively. And if I have to stand around listening to them panic, I'm going to want to wring their necks...</p><p></p><p>It works for me. </p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 131077, member: 1991"] Whenever ANY of my kids began whining or getting themselves worked up to a panic over their work, I'd threaten to walk away (and would, if it didn't stop INSTANTLY). I would only come back if they promised to be calm and also polite to me; I was only trying to help, and if they didn't want my help they only had to say so. I wouldn't stand for any abuse or tantrum, over schoolwork. Of course, this meant that when I was driving them to do their work, a tantrum would get them out of work. I would reserve the "I'll walk away" routine for when THEY were motivated to do it. I could get them motivated by pointing out, "I'm not the one who has to hand this in tomorrow morning. I can just get on with organising the shopping, planning dinner tomorrow night, getting some sleep... I finished my school days long ago. I can walk away from this, I do not have to help you, I only choose to if you're polite to me." When they quietened down, I would talk them through it but I would also try to get them to work independently. "If you can't do that bit, leave it and move on; once you've done everything you can, we'll go through it together." I did find that a lot of the rudeness, a lot of the "I can't do it, I'm so stupid, why do they ask these silly questions in such a dumb way?" etc were born of panic and uncertainty. And while they're mid-panic, they're not going to get much work done, not effectively. And if I have to stand around listening to them panic, I'm going to want to wring their necks... It works for me. Marg [/QUOTE]
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