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I'm loosing myself & I want out
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<blockquote data-quote="snapongirl2375" data-source="post: 654373" data-attributes="member: 18968"><p>My soon to be 15yr old daughter has pushed me over the edge. In less than 12 months has cut off her beautiful long hair and by that I mean shaved her head, ran away with a stranger that was way older than her, overdosed on medicine and had to be life-lined in a helicopter, cuts herself, head - butted a police officer, took off from school and resisted law enforcement who had to tackle her in a field, got Suspended for insubordination with principal, has pierced her face herself like 9 different spots, ran away again and attempted jumping off overpass (cops intervened), quit all sports even tho one was her favorite and she was a well known star pitcher, fails every class because she turns nothing in, and today got expelled for cutting both arms up with a razor in the bathroom stall after she had gotten in trouble (which cops & ambulance involved again). I have had her institutionalized twice already, installed padlocks on all closet doors so she can't hide or steal anything..removed all medication and cleaning chemicals so she can't hurt herself, installed a security system with cameras so I can know what she's up to, she has therapy weekly and a therapist that even comes to the school and an organization that comes to house to see her. She's been diagnosed with bi-polar, eating disorder, personality disorder, and a manic depressant. .they put her on two medications that she hides and won't take, she will even vomit it back up. She follows no rules and does what she wants. She will act out or hurt herself if punished. She is destroying my life, my marriage, and my 4 younger kids lives. It feels like the "old" her died...I've gone through that loss like a death. This person I see is a monster and I want her gone. I'm such a horrible mother for saying that. My kids sleep with their doors locked so they can protect themselves from her. But what else can I do that I haven't done. She embarrasses me and herself daily. I'm one more episode from walking away from my life and this sinking ship. She literally told the doctor today that she wants to join the military so she can kill people..he then asked her if she felt that she could hurt others..she said yes! I'm afraid she'll stab me in my sleep..I've lost 30lbs in the last 2 months and sleep maybe 3 to 4 hours a night..I lay and wait for the motion sensors to activate and warn me she's up..help..I'm drowning</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="snapongirl2375, post: 654373, member: 18968"] My soon to be 15yr old daughter has pushed me over the edge. In less than 12 months has cut off her beautiful long hair and by that I mean shaved her head, ran away with a stranger that was way older than her, overdosed on medicine and had to be life-lined in a helicopter, cuts herself, head - butted a police officer, took off from school and resisted law enforcement who had to tackle her in a field, got Suspended for insubordination with principal, has pierced her face herself like 9 different spots, ran away again and attempted jumping off overpass (cops intervened), quit all sports even tho one was her favorite and she was a well known star pitcher, fails every class because she turns nothing in, and today got expelled for cutting both arms up with a razor in the bathroom stall after she had gotten in trouble (which cops & ambulance involved again). I have had her institutionalized twice already, installed padlocks on all closet doors so she can't hide or steal anything..removed all medication and cleaning chemicals so she can't hurt herself, installed a security system with cameras so I can know what she's up to, she has therapy weekly and a therapist that even comes to the school and an organization that comes to house to see her. She's been diagnosed with bi-polar, eating disorder, personality disorder, and a manic depressant. .they put her on two medications that she hides and won't take, she will even vomit it back up. She follows no rules and does what she wants. She will act out or hurt herself if punished. She is destroying my life, my marriage, and my 4 younger kids lives. It feels like the "old" her died...I've gone through that loss like a death. This person I see is a monster and I want her gone. I'm such a horrible mother for saying that. My kids sleep with their doors locked so they can protect themselves from her. But what else can I do that I haven't done. She embarrasses me and herself daily. I'm one more episode from walking away from my life and this sinking ship. She literally told the doctor today that she wants to join the military so she can kill people..he then asked her if she felt that she could hurt others..she said yes! I'm afraid she'll stab me in my sleep..I've lost 30lbs in the last 2 months and sleep maybe 3 to 4 hours a night..I lay and wait for the motion sensors to activate and warn me she's up..help..I'm drowning [/QUOTE]
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