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I'm new and really, really in need of advice...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 355227" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Believe it or not, even before you brought up the information, I was thinking "Is she adopted?" I have adopted many times, so I have a few questions. Also, I wonder if you are away of Reactive Attachment Disorder mostly seen in kids who have had chaotic early lives without a consistent caregiver...older adopted kids are a challenge and sometimes a VERY difficult challenge. They never could rely on anyone but themselves. Is love enough? Not always. Often with older adoptees they are used to not trusting adults and have developed serious, deep inbreed qualities of coping by only worrying about themselves. The idea of love can even scare them...some don't want love or can't feel love themselves. It could be she is not really thinking of you and her father as her parents. We had this experience with an older foster child. It was horrible.</p><p></p><p>Has she ever seen an Adoption Therapist who understands the unique issues of kids who had no stabiity as infants and toddlers? If not, the therapist will probably not be helpful.</p><p></p><p> I hate to say this, but if she turns you into CPS with false allegations, you could get into serious legal trouble. This child is not the same as a child you raise from birth. Anyhooooo...</p><p></p><p>1/Are there ANY psychiatric disorders OR substance abuse issues on either side of her genetic family tree? Did her birthmother drink during this child's pregnancy. That in of itself can cause fetal alcohol issues, which would explain a lot. Often kids inherit characteristics from their biological parents...after all, they inherit their genetics from them.</p><p></p><p>2/How was her early development? With her brother on the autism spectrum, she could very well have a higher functioning form of autism too...one not as easily identified as his. </p><p></p><p>3/Who has evaluated her? I wouldn't trust "the teachers." They can't know if she has any Learning Disability (LD)'s or not. I'd take her to a good NeuroPsycholgist...in the opinion of many here, they do the best evaluations because they test FOR EVERYTHING. </p><p></p><p>4/Is she charming to strangers but awful to you? Make poor eye contact? Does she pee or poop inappropriately, hurt animals, or start any fires (or have a fascination with fire). These are just some of the symptoms of attachment disorder...and it can be very serious if she doesn't get attachment therapy early and often. But I'd still have her see a neuropsychologist first.</p><p></p><p>5/Are you 100% sure she isn't using recreational drugs or drinking or both?</p><p></p><p>You took on a lot and have your hands full. Welcome to the board. Others will come along.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 355227, member: 1550"] Believe it or not, even before you brought up the information, I was thinking "Is she adopted?" I have adopted many times, so I have a few questions. Also, I wonder if you are away of Reactive Attachment Disorder mostly seen in kids who have had chaotic early lives without a consistent caregiver...older adopted kids are a challenge and sometimes a VERY difficult challenge. They never could rely on anyone but themselves. Is love enough? Not always. Often with older adoptees they are used to not trusting adults and have developed serious, deep inbreed qualities of coping by only worrying about themselves. The idea of love can even scare them...some don't want love or can't feel love themselves. It could be she is not really thinking of you and her father as her parents. We had this experience with an older foster child. It was horrible. Has she ever seen an Adoption Therapist who understands the unique issues of kids who had no stabiity as infants and toddlers? If not, the therapist will probably not be helpful. I hate to say this, but if she turns you into CPS with false allegations, you could get into serious legal trouble. This child is not the same as a child you raise from birth. Anyhooooo... 1/Are there ANY psychiatric disorders OR substance abuse issues on either side of her genetic family tree? Did her birthmother drink during this child's pregnancy. That in of itself can cause fetal alcohol issues, which would explain a lot. Often kids inherit characteristics from their biological parents...after all, they inherit their genetics from them. 2/How was her early development? With her brother on the autism spectrum, she could very well have a higher functioning form of autism too...one not as easily identified as his. 3/Who has evaluated her? I wouldn't trust "the teachers." They can't know if she has any Learning Disability (LD)'s or not. I'd take her to a good NeuroPsycholgist...in the opinion of many here, they do the best evaluations because they test FOR EVERYTHING. 4/Is she charming to strangers but awful to you? Make poor eye contact? Does she pee or poop inappropriately, hurt animals, or start any fires (or have a fascination with fire). These are just some of the symptoms of attachment disorder...and it can be very serious if she doesn't get attachment therapy early and often. But I'd still have her see a neuropsychologist first. 5/Are you 100% sure she isn't using recreational drugs or drinking or both? You took on a lot and have your hands full. Welcome to the board. Others will come along. [/QUOTE]
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