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I'm new and really, really in need of advice...
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<blockquote data-quote="someday" data-source="post: 355430"><p><em><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: darkslateblue">I agree that her problems are probably a mix of biological issues and from being neglected and removed from her bio. family. It's amazing how DSS presented her as the "golden child" as if she was not affected by the situation at all and that all she really needed was a stable and loving family. Everyone thought she was a little saint for living in such conditions and for trying to care for her little brother. DSS and all the specialists had to know there were problems beneth the surface. </span></span></em></p><p></p><p><em><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #483d8b">In hind sight, I realize how inexperienced my husband and I were in those days. We were barely in our 30's and just thinking about beginning a family. We both had careers that we enjoyed, had just bought our first home and even had a little money in the bank for a rainy day. We had a plan for our future. Adoption didn't even enter our minds. When the situation came up it weighed heavy on our hearts and minds and it became clear that our kids needed our help immediately. We were told many times (after our commitment to the kids) that our son would have eventually been institutionalized and that our daughter probably would have grown up in foster care due to her age. </span></span></em></p><p></p><p><em><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #483d8b">We are a little wiser now. We know to seek help and don't always believe everything the experts say just because they're experts. We realized that having a biological child would be overwhelming to our family. We are accepting that not we cannot "fix" everything and that everything isn't our fault. </span></span></em></p><p> </p><p></p><p><em><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #483d8b">Talking on this forum has helped me a lot. In the past I thought about finding a local support group and did not for many reasons. I just didn't know if I could handle one more person telling me what I "should do" or dismissing my concerns as "she'll grow out of it". I think I'm ready to give it a try now though. Everyone here has been kind, open and supportive. I can't tell you how much that means to me. </span></span></em></p><p> </p><p></p><p><em><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #483d8b">Your stories of your two older adopted kids that went their own ways is heart breaking. I can't imagine putting your heart and your other kid's heart's back together after such pain. I agree 100% that you absolutely must protect your younger kids, yourselves and pets. Thank you for sharing this. I need to be aware this could happen. She could be hiding her true feelings and just biding her time. I pray not, but it is a possibility. All the more reason to find her (and us) the right professional help now. I am moderately concerned that she will not respond well to therapy or that she will learn to conceal her true feelings better through therapy. </span></span></em></p><p> </p><p></p><p><em><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="color: #483d8b">Thank you again for your advice, sharing your experiences and wisdom and your support! I'll keep you updated about the neuropsychologist.</span></span></em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="someday, post: 355430"] [I][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkslateblue]I agree that her problems are probably a mix of biological issues and from being neglected and removed from her bio. family. It's amazing how DSS presented her as the "golden child" as if she was not affected by the situation at all and that all she really needed was a stable and loving family. Everyone thought she was a little saint for living in such conditions and for trying to care for her little brother. DSS and all the specialists had to know there were problems beneth the surface. [/COLOR][/FONT][/I] [I][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#483d8b]In hind sight, I realize how inexperienced my husband and I were in those days. We were barely in our 30's and just thinking about beginning a family. We both had careers that we enjoyed, had just bought our first home and even had a little money in the bank for a rainy day. We had a plan for our future. Adoption didn't even enter our minds. When the situation came up it weighed heavy on our hearts and minds and it became clear that our kids needed our help immediately. We were told many times (after our commitment to the kids) that our son would have eventually been institutionalized and that our daughter probably would have grown up in foster care due to her age. [/COLOR][/FONT][/I] [I][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#483d8b]We are a little wiser now. We know to seek help and don't always believe everything the experts say just because they're experts. We realized that having a biological child would be overwhelming to our family. We are accepting that not we cannot "fix" everything and that everything isn't our fault. [/COLOR][/FONT][/I] [I][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#483d8b]Talking on this forum has helped me a lot. In the past I thought about finding a local support group and did not for many reasons. I just didn't know if I could handle one more person telling me what I "should do" or dismissing my concerns as "she'll grow out of it". I think I'm ready to give it a try now though. Everyone here has been kind, open and supportive. I can't tell you how much that means to me. [/COLOR][/FONT][/I] [I][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#483d8b][/COLOR][/FONT][/I] [I][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#483d8b]Your stories of your two older adopted kids that went their own ways is heart breaking. I can't imagine putting your heart and your other kid's heart's back together after such pain. I agree 100% that you absolutely must protect your younger kids, yourselves and pets. Thank you for sharing this. I need to be aware this could happen. She could be hiding her true feelings and just biding her time. I pray not, but it is a possibility. All the more reason to find her (and us) the right professional help now. I am moderately concerned that she will not respond well to therapy or that she will learn to conceal her true feelings better through therapy. [/COLOR][/FONT][/I] [I][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#483d8b] [/COLOR][/FONT][/I] [I][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#483d8b]Thank you again for your advice, sharing your experiences and wisdom and your support! I'll keep you updated about the neuropsychologist.[/COLOR][/FONT][/I] [/QUOTE]
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