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I'm not really a parent... child in need of help? (ODD?+ADHD+?!?!?)
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 412790" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>On the subject of the military... an Aussie experience.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 1 was mingling with the "good kids" at school, but when he was about 13 he was trying to see if he could do without his medications. he had a couple of violent episodes because he was also trying to self-medicate with caffeine (he was in denial, but the problem only lasted about six months). As a result, his behaviour deteriorated and came to the attention of the school. They had a number of problem kids - what could they do?</p><p></p><p>They rounded up the problem boys and sent them off on a three day wilderness camp specifically designed for problem kids. What it did - not a lot for the boys, other than threw them together and bonded them with one another. difficult child 1 came back from his three days' camp and his "good" friends wouldn't hang with him while the other weird kids were with him. So difficult child 1, as a result of the school's interference, ended up with a new set of friends, among the problem kids. </p><p>We had a parents' gathering on the last day of wilderness, where we got to welcome our boys back and all have dinner together, comparing notes at dinner in a club, but with the kids there and their team leader, who allegedly had some sort of training. I was happy to meet some of the parents, horrified by others. One man, "uncle" somebody, clearly the mother's current squeeze, was talking about army discipline and a good switch being all tat was needed. But he was a blusterer and big talker. He tried to engage husband & me in conversation about things like husband's tie (a family tartan) and then talked in long and loving detail about highland tartans - he was one of those who every time he opens his mouth, he demonstrates his own ignorance. husband stopped trying to correct him; it wasn't sinking in anyway. So we looked at one another and said, "No wonder THAT kid is a problem!" And that kid was - when he became one of difficult child 1's three best friends (there were only five kids on the camp, one dropped out) I had to ban him and one other from our house when they made death threats on difficult child 3, who was an annoying little kid at the time, but was in his own home and should not have been threatened. One friend I did not ban - interestingly, he was the one the school was most afraid of. He was also physically the biggest. An expressionless face - I suspected, and later found out, he is a severe Aspie. He also later on was Best Man at difficult child 1's wedding.</p><p></p><p>Back to the military - the friend who made the death threats to difficult child 3 did settle down a bit as he got older, but was always wild and unpredictable with a heavy overtone of violence. I never met his mother again (or creepy "uncle") but there were often times we heard him and his mother shouting at one another from either side of the front door, when we went round to collect him for an outing. The mother did not come out to talk to us or greet us, which I thought was strange.</p><p></p><p>A couple of years after the boys finished high school, this friend decided to join the Australian army. ADHD medications not allowed, so he just stopped taking them. Not a pretty sight. he then lied to the recruiting officer about his medical record (ie did not tell them he had a diagnosis of ADHD) and was enlisted. They soon worked out there was a problem but to their credit, they tried hard to find a niche for him. He was sent to advanced driving school (I only got in the car with him once - never again) and became a driver for various officers etc. He was eventually discharged after about three years - they let him go because they realised you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. But I think it did give him a lot of self-discipline, and some other useful skills.</p><p></p><p>But flash back to a couple of years after school finished. We were shopping in the area near the high school when difficult child 1 spotted one of his old teachers. It just happened to be one of the teachers who had been hard on the boys and especially on the "weird kids". difficult child 1 went up to greet the teacher gaily. "Hi, great to see you, Mrs Z! Yeah, I'm going great now, I'm finishing my schooling by correspondence, I'm doing well, got Y results so far!" (teacher had been one of those who said difficult child 1 would never achieve anything, never amount to anything). "Hey, you remember my friend K who liked to set his hand on fire? Well, he went off his medications, joined the army and they gave him a gun and taught him to kill! Isn't that cool?" </p><p>I was with difficult child 1 at the time and amazed that my boy, who at school had only ever spoken to his teachers in sentences of one syllable, was now not only so fluent but also so accurate in his irony. Wow! The exchange was outwardly a happy one, difficult child 1 genuinely happy to see the teacher OUTSIDE a school environment, but the teacher's own feelings about those boys had always been one of extreme prejudice and open fear. I watched in secret delight while the teacher made fast muttered excuses, turned pale and left in a hurry.</p><p></p><p>As she moved out of sight, difficult child 1 punched the air. "YES!"</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 412790, member: 1991"] On the subject of the military... an Aussie experience. difficult child 1 was mingling with the "good kids" at school, but when he was about 13 he was trying to see if he could do without his medications. he had a couple of violent episodes because he was also trying to self-medicate with caffeine (he was in denial, but the problem only lasted about six months). As a result, his behaviour deteriorated and came to the attention of the school. They had a number of problem kids - what could they do? They rounded up the problem boys and sent them off on a three day wilderness camp specifically designed for problem kids. What it did - not a lot for the boys, other than threw them together and bonded them with one another. difficult child 1 came back from his three days' camp and his "good" friends wouldn't hang with him while the other weird kids were with him. So difficult child 1, as a result of the school's interference, ended up with a new set of friends, among the problem kids. We had a parents' gathering on the last day of wilderness, where we got to welcome our boys back and all have dinner together, comparing notes at dinner in a club, but with the kids there and their team leader, who allegedly had some sort of training. I was happy to meet some of the parents, horrified by others. One man, "uncle" somebody, clearly the mother's current squeeze, was talking about army discipline and a good switch being all tat was needed. But he was a blusterer and big talker. He tried to engage husband & me in conversation about things like husband's tie (a family tartan) and then talked in long and loving detail about highland tartans - he was one of those who every time he opens his mouth, he demonstrates his own ignorance. husband stopped trying to correct him; it wasn't sinking in anyway. So we looked at one another and said, "No wonder THAT kid is a problem!" And that kid was - when he became one of difficult child 1's three best friends (there were only five kids on the camp, one dropped out) I had to ban him and one other from our house when they made death threats on difficult child 3, who was an annoying little kid at the time, but was in his own home and should not have been threatened. One friend I did not ban - interestingly, he was the one the school was most afraid of. He was also physically the biggest. An expressionless face - I suspected, and later found out, he is a severe Aspie. He also later on was Best Man at difficult child 1's wedding. Back to the military - the friend who made the death threats to difficult child 3 did settle down a bit as he got older, but was always wild and unpredictable with a heavy overtone of violence. I never met his mother again (or creepy "uncle") but there were often times we heard him and his mother shouting at one another from either side of the front door, when we went round to collect him for an outing. The mother did not come out to talk to us or greet us, which I thought was strange. A couple of years after the boys finished high school, this friend decided to join the Australian army. ADHD medications not allowed, so he just stopped taking them. Not a pretty sight. he then lied to the recruiting officer about his medical record (ie did not tell them he had a diagnosis of ADHD) and was enlisted. They soon worked out there was a problem but to their credit, they tried hard to find a niche for him. He was sent to advanced driving school (I only got in the car with him once - never again) and became a driver for various officers etc. He was eventually discharged after about three years - they let him go because they realised you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. But I think it did give him a lot of self-discipline, and some other useful skills. But flash back to a couple of years after school finished. We were shopping in the area near the high school when difficult child 1 spotted one of his old teachers. It just happened to be one of the teachers who had been hard on the boys and especially on the "weird kids". difficult child 1 went up to greet the teacher gaily. "Hi, great to see you, Mrs Z! Yeah, I'm going great now, I'm finishing my schooling by correspondence, I'm doing well, got Y results so far!" (teacher had been one of those who said difficult child 1 would never achieve anything, never amount to anything). "Hey, you remember my friend K who liked to set his hand on fire? Well, he went off his medications, joined the army and they gave him a gun and taught him to kill! Isn't that cool?" I was with difficult child 1 at the time and amazed that my boy, who at school had only ever spoken to his teachers in sentences of one syllable, was now not only so fluent but also so accurate in his irony. Wow! The exchange was outwardly a happy one, difficult child 1 genuinely happy to see the teacher OUTSIDE a school environment, but the teacher's own feelings about those boys had always been one of extreme prejudice and open fear. I watched in secret delight while the teacher made fast muttered excuses, turned pale and left in a hurry. As she moved out of sight, difficult child 1 punched the air. "YES!" Marg [/QUOTE]
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