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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 361540" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Okay okay - sometimes we (me collectively speaking) forget everything about details so it's sketchy - sometimes. </p><p> </p><p>You're right though. If we haven't been through it? It's very hard to understand it. But don't delete this thread. This is the kind of stuff that you NEED to get out k....this is the kind of stuff that if you DO NOT talk to someone about it affects everything in your life. As your friend I want your life to be full, happy, and peaceful. Not chaotic, empty, and miserable. So when any of us posts things, and we think...hmmm I wonder if she sees this side of it - We post it. That's all. There's no ridicule in it, and no reason to be defensive. If I could remember everything about everyone here? I'd be working for NASA....or something and not unemployed and looking for a job and on unemployment. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> </p><p> </p><p>So - quills down Momma porcupine! Know what I mean? klmno? If the brother is a turd? He's a turd. Fini! I am with Marci on the point about if someone did try to mess with difficult child they'd be on the floor - but I get where you're coming from too. I certainly didn't want to see Dude anywhere near bio-dad, but at some point you just have to say - I can't control things and that's okay. Certainly isn't easy with strong women - especially when the world has said "OH....what you need help??? Huh....well do that yourself." We've become so accustomed to doing EVERYTHING on our own because no one would offer help - that we just have done the best we could and then all of a sudden some BLOB steps in and says "No NO NO.....that's all wrong!!!" and we're left to wonder where the BLOB was when we said "Gosh I could use a little help." and got "Do it yourself." as the answer. VERY contradictory and confusing. I finally just stepped outside the Department of Juvenile Justice building and screamed a foul word at the top of my lungs one night until I had no air left in my lungs - like I completely deflated....I got stares, a sore throat, and told I needed to leave - but? I felt better to some degree that I got to yell at SOMETHING for my depression over the situation - then I went to therapy and worked it out. </p><p> </p><p>See...I think a lot of people on the board hear the word....zzzza....."I hope you get therapy, or I hope you continue therapy." and think immediately "They're saying something is WRONG with me, I'm defective, I am broken, I am crazy, I'm not right." I heard "I am going to write you a prescription.....and thought Oahhhh good, a pill....and it was followed up with - to see a great therapist friend of mine....and IMMEDIATELY thought 'he thinks I'm nuts." Wrong. WRONG....</p><p> </p><p>What I think NOW when I hear that? "She must care about me a lot to be brave enough to tell me - I need help." I mean it's okay for people to run up and say "You need rehab, or you need AA." and no one really has stigma about that - even in the real world we as CD Moms advocate for that....but as CD Mom's how many years have you yourself advocated for people to NOT treat difficult child differently because he has CD....he's the same as everyone else? Then get defensive about what your friends can see between the lines and you may not?....That's all. </p><p> </p><p>I mean - ML said it simply and brilliantly and lovingly - OUR FRIEND klmno - NEEDS a break. I agree 1,000,000 % - I just don't know anyone that is going to do that FOR you - BUT you. And of course, we (your friends and family here) are HERE to help. </p><p> </p><p>Maybe the Dad thing will work out. I mean - (shrug) who knows.....after 16 years his mind set could have matured and he could be in a place where he could be thinking about his son. Dudes Dad is still a major MAJOR crack head, womanizer, woman beater, animal abuser, non-working, suicidal, drug selling jerk.....BUT....maybe for your son? It would be a reunion of epic proportions - you just never know how these things go. </p><p> </p><p>I was thinking something else - Is he old enough to go to a military camp where they have ROTC instead of a Group home? How about the peace corps or City year? Something that would keep him OUT of a group home environment and working as a team with other kids - and supervised? Can you check with the high school ROTC leader and ask if there is maybe an oppportunity school close to you where borderline troubled kids go to finish their education instead of group homes? Just thinking out loud. Or maybe some pre-military kind of thing to do with the police academy? Talk to the high school counselors and find out what there is for HIM with his abilities. </p><p> </p><p>I know it has been such a stinky year - and believe me I did NOT mean to add to your stress with the reply....I just didn't remember everything and for that I am sorry. Hopefully somewhere in this reply there is something that lets you know that I care about you, I care about your son.....and I will keep my thinking cap on. I'm still kinda surprised that even foster care doesn't do background checks of sorts with home visits (random on weekends) when potential foster parents are tossing huge parties with alcohol and troubled teens may be present in the future. Golly someone should get pictures of that for DSS. ??? </p><p> </p><p>Anyway - </p><p>Hugs and Love </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 361540, member: 4964"] Okay okay - sometimes we (me collectively speaking) forget everything about details so it's sketchy - sometimes. You're right though. If we haven't been through it? It's very hard to understand it. But don't delete this thread. This is the kind of stuff that you NEED to get out k....this is the kind of stuff that if you DO NOT talk to someone about it affects everything in your life. As your friend I want your life to be full, happy, and peaceful. Not chaotic, empty, and miserable. So when any of us posts things, and we think...hmmm I wonder if she sees this side of it - We post it. That's all. There's no ridicule in it, and no reason to be defensive. If I could remember everything about everyone here? I'd be working for NASA....or something and not unemployed and looking for a job and on unemployment. :winking: So - quills down Momma porcupine! Know what I mean? klmno? If the brother is a turd? He's a turd. Fini! I am with Marci on the point about if someone did try to mess with difficult child they'd be on the floor - but I get where you're coming from too. I certainly didn't want to see Dude anywhere near bio-dad, but at some point you just have to say - I can't control things and that's okay. Certainly isn't easy with strong women - especially when the world has said "OH....what you need help??? Huh....well do that yourself." We've become so accustomed to doing EVERYTHING on our own because no one would offer help - that we just have done the best we could and then all of a sudden some BLOB steps in and says "No NO NO.....that's all wrong!!!" and we're left to wonder where the BLOB was when we said "Gosh I could use a little help." and got "Do it yourself." as the answer. VERY contradictory and confusing. I finally just stepped outside the Department of Juvenile Justice building and screamed a foul word at the top of my lungs one night until I had no air left in my lungs - like I completely deflated....I got stares, a sore throat, and told I needed to leave - but? I felt better to some degree that I got to yell at SOMETHING for my depression over the situation - then I went to therapy and worked it out. See...I think a lot of people on the board hear the word....zzzza....."I hope you get therapy, or I hope you continue therapy." and think immediately "They're saying something is WRONG with me, I'm defective, I am broken, I am crazy, I'm not right." I heard "I am going to write you a prescription.....and thought Oahhhh good, a pill....and it was followed up with - to see a great therapist friend of mine....and IMMEDIATELY thought 'he thinks I'm nuts." Wrong. WRONG.... What I think NOW when I hear that? "She must care about me a lot to be brave enough to tell me - I need help." I mean it's okay for people to run up and say "You need rehab, or you need AA." and no one really has stigma about that - even in the real world we as CD Moms advocate for that....but as CD Mom's how many years have you yourself advocated for people to NOT treat difficult child differently because he has CD....he's the same as everyone else? Then get defensive about what your friends can see between the lines and you may not?....That's all. I mean - ML said it simply and brilliantly and lovingly - OUR FRIEND klmno - NEEDS a break. I agree 1,000,000 % - I just don't know anyone that is going to do that FOR you - BUT you. And of course, we (your friends and family here) are HERE to help. Maybe the Dad thing will work out. I mean - (shrug) who knows.....after 16 years his mind set could have matured and he could be in a place where he could be thinking about his son. Dudes Dad is still a major MAJOR crack head, womanizer, woman beater, animal abuser, non-working, suicidal, drug selling jerk.....BUT....maybe for your son? It would be a reunion of epic proportions - you just never know how these things go. I was thinking something else - Is he old enough to go to a military camp where they have ROTC instead of a Group home? How about the peace corps or City year? Something that would keep him OUT of a group home environment and working as a team with other kids - and supervised? Can you check with the high school ROTC leader and ask if there is maybe an oppportunity school close to you where borderline troubled kids go to finish their education instead of group homes? Just thinking out loud. Or maybe some pre-military kind of thing to do with the police academy? Talk to the high school counselors and find out what there is for HIM with his abilities. I know it has been such a stinky year - and believe me I did NOT mean to add to your stress with the reply....I just didn't remember everything and for that I am sorry. Hopefully somewhere in this reply there is something that lets you know that I care about you, I care about your son.....and I will keep my thinking cap on. I'm still kinda surprised that even foster care doesn't do background checks of sorts with home visits (random on weekends) when potential foster parents are tossing huge parties with alcohol and troubled teens may be present in the future. Golly someone should get pictures of that for DSS. ??? Anyway - Hugs and Love Star [/QUOTE]
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