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I'm so discouraged...
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<blockquote data-quote="therese005us" data-source="post: 304803" data-attributes="member: 7416"><p>Hi everyone</p><p> </p><p>thanks for your suggestions, apologies and care.</p><p> </p><p>I haven't been posting in response to your posts..it's all been too hard. I'm still in a hard place, depths of despair and all that.... </p><p>I'm just going with the flow... trying to keep afloat and keep him motivated.</p><p>He had an interview with Woolies on Friday (I think it was Friday) and they were very positive. Just a few things to check out, and he will hopefully start next week. He'll hear something on Thursday. I'm hoping it will be successful. However, I am also worrying whether it will work out. If it doesn't I don't know where to go from here; if he blows it I don't think I can help him anymore than I have already. It will be his own fault, attitude, whatever!</p><p>He is doing work experience at another place at the moment (he's been twice) which is probably a bit rougher. Wouldn't be surprised at the company he's keeping. I know it's all around, and addicts will gravitate to addicts... Even out here in the remote places. guess I'm hoping that once he's working fulltime he'll be too busy to hang with those people.</p><p> </p><p>It is hard to find workplaces out here, we're 45km from the next major town and he doesn't have a driving license yet.</p><p> </p><p>Saturday was awful. I had to get him up early for his appointment with the psychologist. Then we argued about him going to his mate's and staying over (A family I know and trust); because he hadn't pre arranged it, and we get to town really early (8.00am) so I consider it rude to turn up unannounced. I didn't really want to drive into town on Sudnay and suggested he stay as late as he wanted to and I'd pick him up from the train station later. He said he didn't want to catch the train. When I asked him how he thought he'd get home Sunday, he said by train! </p><p>Then he went on about how controlling I am and he was going to get the psychologist to find him somewhere else to live...what about your apprenticeship/job? he replied he'd find another. More was said, I can't remember, then the phone rang. It was the psychologist returning my call... timely. I stuttered, 'well, actually, I'm not sure if W wants to keep his appointment today, more for something to say than anything else. So I started to hand him the phone, and asked him, w, are you going to your appointment today?" To which he replied, no. Told DS that it suited the Psychologist that he didn't keep the appointment.</p><p>Psychologist said to ring him back in 15 mins as he wanted to talk to me.</p><p>I did, and sort of broke down and told him what an awful week I've had. He said W hadn't told him about previous diagnosis of ADHD, etc. etc. and he thought he was treating him for drug induced psychosis. Said he'd like to see W keep his appoitnment and would I drop in any previous medical history before that.</p><p>Rest of weekend is a blur. However, suspected DS got something when a mate 'just happened to drop down the road' (you'd laugh at what he told DD12, even she didnt' believe it!)</p><p>today dropped DS off to work at 7am then set about cleaning the van. It was putrid! Looking for something... I knew it was there all the time.. Found it inside a hired DVD case and promptly put it in the fire. I wonder what the video shop would do if they found it?</p><p>When I picked Ds19 up, asked him for his board money... and asked him for $50 extra $10 for his medication and $40 for cleaning his van. He objected, of course, but I explained since he hadn't cleaned it to my satisfaction when i asked last week, I had to do it myself. He accused me of 'scamming money of me'. too bad.</p><p>Later, he wanted to go out with his mate. I told him again, no going out on a weeknight/worknight, weekends are okay. He went anyway, came back in about less than an hour... Suspect?</p><p>I said straight out to him, did you get drugs and alcohol? </p><p>He admitted he got drugs the other day. where are they? He said he didn't know. He thought I probably found it when I was cleaning his van. Asked him where he hid it? Admitted DVD. You have found it haven't you? Why would I be looking in DVD cases? You're probably lying that you haven't got it anymore just to make me happy. You should n't be using that stuff. He said it makes him feel good. </p><p>Anyway, that's where we're at. He actually admitted that he got some the other day, I didn't admit that i found it and destroyed it.</p><p>He's a worry.</p><p>Yes, If I follow through and kick him out (I'd more than likely just pack his stuff and take him to a caravan park nearby so he can get to work) I will lay awake worrying he's on the streets drinking and drugging.</p><p>Actually, I have no legal obligation to care for him as he ceased being in foster care at 18 years. It's a moral obligation I feel, because I've been his mother for so long. </p><p>Maybe I'm unrealistic (I know I am) but I think if I can 'control' a little of his destiny, he'll come good. If I keep believing in him, and helping him, he will stop doing all this stupid stuff and grow up.</p><p>Underneath, I know I'm probably barking up a tree for fun. He's never going to mature to his yearrs, he is always going to gravitate to trouble, he's a class manipulator. He doesn't have 'mates' he has people willing to help him for aprice. Probably this 'mate' charged him about $20 to drive here and then back again with the 'stuff' plus more than what it was worth so he's probably profited well! Same with alcohol. We're sure he paid this 'mate' to get alcohol and DS drank it before coming back into the property but we (daughter and I ) are not going to dig through the grass for the empty cans to prove it.</p><p> </p><p>I think I will contact ALanon and the Narcotics equivalent if we have one in the area, it might help to have that added support. The Job Services lady is a Salvo Officer, she'll probably have some contacts I could speak to. I hope to get on to her tomorrow.</p><p> </p><p>daughter and I are really stressed at present. She because I am, and because Cherub is so fulltime as well. </p><p>Perhaps we'll go to church without him this weekend and spend Monday there as well. what he gets up to while we're gone, I don't know. Maybe my friend (mother of son he likes) would let him stay over. We do need some time out.</p><p> </p><p>I wish it was Thursday already, then we'd know if he is starting work next week. </p><p> </p><p>That's where I am at.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="therese005us, post: 304803, member: 7416"] Hi everyone thanks for your suggestions, apologies and care. I haven't been posting in response to your posts..it's all been too hard. I'm still in a hard place, depths of despair and all that.... I'm just going with the flow... trying to keep afloat and keep him motivated. He had an interview with Woolies on Friday (I think it was Friday) and they were very positive. Just a few things to check out, and he will hopefully start next week. He'll hear something on Thursday. I'm hoping it will be successful. However, I am also worrying whether it will work out. If it doesn't I don't know where to go from here; if he blows it I don't think I can help him anymore than I have already. It will be his own fault, attitude, whatever! He is doing work experience at another place at the moment (he's been twice) which is probably a bit rougher. Wouldn't be surprised at the company he's keeping. I know it's all around, and addicts will gravitate to addicts... Even out here in the remote places. guess I'm hoping that once he's working fulltime he'll be too busy to hang with those people. It is hard to find workplaces out here, we're 45km from the next major town and he doesn't have a driving license yet. Saturday was awful. I had to get him up early for his appointment with the psychologist. Then we argued about him going to his mate's and staying over (A family I know and trust); because he hadn't pre arranged it, and we get to town really early (8.00am) so I consider it rude to turn up unannounced. I didn't really want to drive into town on Sudnay and suggested he stay as late as he wanted to and I'd pick him up from the train station later. He said he didn't want to catch the train. When I asked him how he thought he'd get home Sunday, he said by train! Then he went on about how controlling I am and he was going to get the psychologist to find him somewhere else to live...what about your apprenticeship/job? he replied he'd find another. More was said, I can't remember, then the phone rang. It was the psychologist returning my call... timely. I stuttered, 'well, actually, I'm not sure if W wants to keep his appointment today, more for something to say than anything else. So I started to hand him the phone, and asked him, w, are you going to your appointment today?" To which he replied, no. Told DS that it suited the Psychologist that he didn't keep the appointment. Psychologist said to ring him back in 15 mins as he wanted to talk to me. I did, and sort of broke down and told him what an awful week I've had. He said W hadn't told him about previous diagnosis of ADHD, etc. etc. and he thought he was treating him for drug induced psychosis. Said he'd like to see W keep his appoitnment and would I drop in any previous medical history before that. Rest of weekend is a blur. However, suspected DS got something when a mate 'just happened to drop down the road' (you'd laugh at what he told DD12, even she didnt' believe it!) today dropped DS off to work at 7am then set about cleaning the van. It was putrid! Looking for something... I knew it was there all the time.. Found it inside a hired DVD case and promptly put it in the fire. I wonder what the video shop would do if they found it? When I picked Ds19 up, asked him for his board money... and asked him for $50 extra $10 for his medication and $40 for cleaning his van. He objected, of course, but I explained since he hadn't cleaned it to my satisfaction when i asked last week, I had to do it myself. He accused me of 'scamming money of me'. too bad. Later, he wanted to go out with his mate. I told him again, no going out on a weeknight/worknight, weekends are okay. He went anyway, came back in about less than an hour... Suspect? I said straight out to him, did you get drugs and alcohol? He admitted he got drugs the other day. where are they? He said he didn't know. He thought I probably found it when I was cleaning his van. Asked him where he hid it? Admitted DVD. You have found it haven't you? Why would I be looking in DVD cases? You're probably lying that you haven't got it anymore just to make me happy. You should n't be using that stuff. He said it makes him feel good. Anyway, that's where we're at. He actually admitted that he got some the other day, I didn't admit that i found it and destroyed it. He's a worry. Yes, If I follow through and kick him out (I'd more than likely just pack his stuff and take him to a caravan park nearby so he can get to work) I will lay awake worrying he's on the streets drinking and drugging. Actually, I have no legal obligation to care for him as he ceased being in foster care at 18 years. It's a moral obligation I feel, because I've been his mother for so long. Maybe I'm unrealistic (I know I am) but I think if I can 'control' a little of his destiny, he'll come good. If I keep believing in him, and helping him, he will stop doing all this stupid stuff and grow up. Underneath, I know I'm probably barking up a tree for fun. He's never going to mature to his yearrs, he is always going to gravitate to trouble, he's a class manipulator. He doesn't have 'mates' he has people willing to help him for aprice. Probably this 'mate' charged him about $20 to drive here and then back again with the 'stuff' plus more than what it was worth so he's probably profited well! Same with alcohol. We're sure he paid this 'mate' to get alcohol and DS drank it before coming back into the property but we (daughter and I ) are not going to dig through the grass for the empty cans to prove it. I think I will contact ALanon and the Narcotics equivalent if we have one in the area, it might help to have that added support. The Job Services lady is a Salvo Officer, she'll probably have some contacts I could speak to. I hope to get on to her tomorrow. daughter and I are really stressed at present. She because I am, and because Cherub is so fulltime as well. Perhaps we'll go to church without him this weekend and spend Monday there as well. what he gets up to while we're gone, I don't know. Maybe my friend (mother of son he likes) would let him stay over. We do need some time out. I wish it was Thursday already, then we'd know if he is starting work next week. That's where I am at. [/QUOTE]
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