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Substance Abuse
I'm so very tired....
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<blockquote data-quote="Sam3" data-source="post: 663055" data-attributes="member: 19290"><p>continuing.</p><p></p><p>So, that book and the sequel identify a couple of broad needs that must be met for a teen to avoid being stuck -- having warm recognition and calm, firm boundaries. And another book called the <em>Parallel Process</em> helped us identify more specific parenting approaches that we could change to increase the chances these teens can succeed at home. Much easier read, than done, and of course there has to be some "buy in" from the kid to make progress. We have tried to encourage our son's buy in while he's been in rehab by "owning" our part out loud to him (without being too apologetic or cloying), and letting him know we are doing the work too (therapy). It has been equally important, though, to let him know the boundaries will not change; in fact, that we will be even more consistent with them (and quiet and calm). With the TBS prospect gently hanging out there, we are describing the home he is welcome back in as one in which he is sober and respectful, AND continuing in therapy so he can find and let go of the obstacles which prevent him from growing into a person who values loved ones and good citizenship.</p><p></p><p>If nothing else, I have found my resolve again, which I had lost in my broken heart, feelings of guilt, trying to avoid his resentment, etc. I am the adult. I am now looking for ways to present that resolve in a way that sounds like we believe in him, and that allows him to see an upside, or at least to save face. We'll see.</p><p></p><p>If TBS is not an option, wilderness is shorter term and cheaper, and could be a renewed opportunity to come up with a home behavioral contract, before he is allowed out of the dirt. Withholding of material benefits such as phone, gaming, car access, spending money, may also be options.</p><p></p><p>Hope some of this helps.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sam3, post: 663055, member: 19290"] continuing. So, that book and the sequel identify a couple of broad needs that must be met for a teen to avoid being stuck -- having warm recognition and calm, firm boundaries. And another book called the [I]Parallel Process[/I] helped us identify more specific parenting approaches that we could change to increase the chances these teens can succeed at home. Much easier read, than done, and of course there has to be some "buy in" from the kid to make progress. We have tried to encourage our son's buy in while he's been in rehab by "owning" our part out loud to him (without being too apologetic or cloying), and letting him know we are doing the work too (therapy). It has been equally important, though, to let him know the boundaries will not change; in fact, that we will be even more consistent with them (and quiet and calm). With the TBS prospect gently hanging out there, we are describing the home he is welcome back in as one in which he is sober and respectful, AND continuing in therapy so he can find and let go of the obstacles which prevent him from growing into a person who values loved ones and good citizenship. If nothing else, I have found my resolve again, which I had lost in my broken heart, feelings of guilt, trying to avoid his resentment, etc. I am the adult. I am now looking for ways to present that resolve in a way that sounds like we believe in him, and that allows him to see an upside, or at least to save face. We'll see. If TBS is not an option, wilderness is shorter term and cheaper, and could be a renewed opportunity to come up with a home behavioral contract, before he is allowed out of the dirt. Withholding of material benefits such as phone, gaming, car access, spending money, may also be options. Hope some of this helps. [/QUOTE]
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