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Substance Abuse
I'm so very tired....
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<blockquote data-quote="strugglingdad" data-source="post: 687999" data-attributes="member: 18750"><p>We're getting there slowly. I feel that she and I are in a better place as time goes on...she is the one to remind me at times that he has a PROBLEM with drugs, it's not just a choice of his despite his insistence to the contrary. She's suffered enough disrespect from him that she's started to "cut the cord" more and that's been good for us and for her relationship with him. She's a self-admitted control-freak / helicopter mom, but control is not something you can exert over him in any aspect of his life and the more you try, the worse things get. That's been a hard pill for her to swallow, but being verbally abused by him has certainly made it easier, and it's made being at home easier for all of us....less friction, less yelling, less denial on her part. I'm not sure if that's ironic or just sad.</p><p></p><p>I won't deny wanting to beat the crap out of him for talking to my wife like he does at times (forget the fact that she's his mother...NOBODY talks to my wife like that and walks away from it), but violence solves nothing and I've had to remind him as much as myself that there will be no violence in my home. Period. He knows that 18 is coming and that how his mother and I support him in the transition to "legal adult-hood" depends entirely on him. But like with most addicts I suspect, tomorrow isn't a concern until it lands on him, so right now he has no problem burning bridges instead of building them. </p><p></p><p>Alanon was great. I listened to people who have been through probably 10x the hell we have talk about it with dry eyes and I was amazed. I cried all the way through my sharing. Right now, in the midst of all this, it's all so personal to me. My son and I were best buddies and we did everything together. Now I can barely stand to be in the same room with him. So I guess part of this journey is learning that he is no longer my little "mini-me" (as we used to call him), but a person with a problem that is not my problem and that I cannot fix. I need to give him the space to do that on his own.</p><p></p><p>He actually went to an AA meeting last night (a men's program called Stepping Stones). We were excited about that until he came home, went upstairs and got high. I could barely get to sleep it smelled so bad in the upstairs of our house. Sigh.......</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="strugglingdad, post: 687999, member: 18750"] We're getting there slowly. I feel that she and I are in a better place as time goes on...she is the one to remind me at times that he has a PROBLEM with drugs, it's not just a choice of his despite his insistence to the contrary. She's suffered enough disrespect from him that she's started to "cut the cord" more and that's been good for us and for her relationship with him. She's a self-admitted control-freak / helicopter mom, but control is not something you can exert over him in any aspect of his life and the more you try, the worse things get. That's been a hard pill for her to swallow, but being verbally abused by him has certainly made it easier, and it's made being at home easier for all of us....less friction, less yelling, less denial on her part. I'm not sure if that's ironic or just sad. I won't deny wanting to beat the crap out of him for talking to my wife like he does at times (forget the fact that she's his mother...NOBODY talks to my wife like that and walks away from it), but violence solves nothing and I've had to remind him as much as myself that there will be no violence in my home. Period. He knows that 18 is coming and that how his mother and I support him in the transition to "legal adult-hood" depends entirely on him. But like with most addicts I suspect, tomorrow isn't a concern until it lands on him, so right now he has no problem burning bridges instead of building them. Alanon was great. I listened to people who have been through probably 10x the hell we have talk about it with dry eyes and I was amazed. I cried all the way through my sharing. Right now, in the midst of all this, it's all so personal to me. My son and I were best buddies and we did everything together. Now I can barely stand to be in the same room with him. So I guess part of this journey is learning that he is no longer my little "mini-me" (as we used to call him), but a person with a problem that is not my problem and that I cannot fix. I need to give him the space to do that on his own. He actually went to an AA meeting last night (a men's program called Stepping Stones). We were excited about that until he came home, went upstairs and got high. I could barely get to sleep it smelled so bad in the upstairs of our house. Sigh....... [/QUOTE]
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