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I'm still struggling- need votes!
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 491661" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>That's extremely helpful, especially seeing that your son has a VERY similar hx with the system to my difficult child. And I did notice a few mos ago that my biggest internal pull was between what I thought was in difficult child's best interest/my love for him, and the system's koi and I had a hard time figuring that out because I know it's not supposed to be that way. Unfortunately, many see that as me being anti-system but it didn't start out this way. It's just that my efforts to work with them cost me everything in my life and didn't help difficult child at all- if anything, it served to enable him. So, MM, if you have any specific pointers about the system and me maintinaing sanity while they are in my life, I'd appreciate hearing them!</p><p></p><p>In some ways, it seems like difficult child's life would be easier and simpler in a group home. But there are other things to consider, too. And as far as the gang issue- he does have reason to be concerned. There was some sort of fight or riot between gangs in Department of Juvenile Justice this past summer and somehow difficult child got himself in the middle although it appears he's not in a gang or affiliated with any- it got ssome gang turned against him- oh, they say he stole a paper with their codes on it. And some members from this gang will be at the same GH so difficult child he is afraid what will happen if he's in the GH and they can get ahold of him without guards being around or out on the street. The issue is that paper he got or they think he got and that the fight over the summer costs them all, including difficult child, a couple of mos in isolation.</p><p></p><p>RM- that's the other side of the coin. What if I did try a different approach- instead of 'siding' so much with the system, I worked on difficult child/my relationship more while still not allowing illegal activity or aggression, among a few other things. See this is where his input and willingness would help a lot but I can't believe what he says because he had me so snowed last time. I don't know, maybe he meant to try last time and just lost it too quickly. It sure would help to know why he lost it last time. And yeah, if others were in the home or if difficult child's tendency wasn't to use a knife to rob me it sure would be a lot simpler.</p><p></p><p>Now I'm hearing a siren and remembering what it's like when difficult child is out and I hear a siren in the area. *sigh* PTSD or realistic fear or both? I'm thinking both.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 491661, member: 3699"] That's extremely helpful, especially seeing that your son has a VERY similar hx with the system to my difficult child. And I did notice a few mos ago that my biggest internal pull was between what I thought was in difficult child's best interest/my love for him, and the system's koi and I had a hard time figuring that out because I know it's not supposed to be that way. Unfortunately, many see that as me being anti-system but it didn't start out this way. It's just that my efforts to work with them cost me everything in my life and didn't help difficult child at all- if anything, it served to enable him. So, MM, if you have any specific pointers about the system and me maintinaing sanity while they are in my life, I'd appreciate hearing them! In some ways, it seems like difficult child's life would be easier and simpler in a group home. But there are other things to consider, too. And as far as the gang issue- he does have reason to be concerned. There was some sort of fight or riot between gangs in Department of Juvenile Justice this past summer and somehow difficult child got himself in the middle although it appears he's not in a gang or affiliated with any- it got ssome gang turned against him- oh, they say he stole a paper with their codes on it. And some members from this gang will be at the same GH so difficult child he is afraid what will happen if he's in the GH and they can get ahold of him without guards being around or out on the street. The issue is that paper he got or they think he got and that the fight over the summer costs them all, including difficult child, a couple of mos in isolation. RM- that's the other side of the coin. What if I did try a different approach- instead of 'siding' so much with the system, I worked on difficult child/my relationship more while still not allowing illegal activity or aggression, among a few other things. See this is where his input and willingness would help a lot but I can't believe what he says because he had me so snowed last time. I don't know, maybe he meant to try last time and just lost it too quickly. It sure would help to know why he lost it last time. And yeah, if others were in the home or if difficult child's tendency wasn't to use a knife to rob me it sure would be a lot simpler. Now I'm hearing a siren and remembering what it's like when difficult child is out and I hear a siren in the area. *sigh* PTSD or realistic fear or both? I'm thinking both. [/QUOTE]
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